Was I mean to dd?

Not mean, a little life lesson perhaps 😅

Rushing out to get the seat shows how much of a prize it has become, and I don't think she should get it due to seniority, its mot much of an age gap and I don't get why the eldest should always have it (I was the eldest, not speaking as the youngest confined to the back seat with a grudge 😅).

Teach them instead simple fairness by having it on a roster, taking turns, you were ein last? Next is DS. Journeys with them solo aren't included in the taking turns rota, whether they're in front with a parent driving or in back with both parents in front. The eldest having it for merely being born first doesn't teach anything and ots not something DS can help and isn't something DD earned either.

And I empathise. My eldest 2 argued about everything. Who pushes the button in a lift, pedestrian crossing etc etc. Where there is anything that involves going there and back, a rule is your answer

Why is our generation so uncomfortable with ‘being the boss’ as parents? By taking the other car you showed her that you decide who sits in the front, not your daughter, not her brother. That’s ultimately reassuring for a kid. They are not responsible, yet. So they can relax and focus on growing, learning. Now follow up with a fair rota and let her test you as she kicks at the boundaries you set. Show her you are a strong, fair and reliable authority figure. That’s your job as she moves into the uncertainty of her teenage years. Don’t apologise but do give her some warm one on one time as soon as possible.

I’d rather she was getting an extra 30 minutes of sleep, quite frankly. It’s important to be ready on time to leave at the agreed time so you’re not holding up other people. But there’s no virtue in being ready unnecessarily early and hanging around.

No need to set a rota, just take turns. Last one to have sat in the front goes in the back next.

I've always treated my children equally, the eldest doesn't get privileges for being older, the same way the youngest wouldn't.

Give DD a choice
From now, until the end of time, you get to choose whether you are in the front on the way there, or the way back. Everything you leave the house, or the destination both know where their seats are.
Any further discussion or argument that person is in the back for the week.

I think you were a bit mean and you should find time to say sorry and have a cuddle and and proper chat with her about it, and see if you can get to the bottom of why it’s such a big deal to her. Is she trying to find out if she’s special and important to you, despite having lots of siblings? Does she need time alone with just you and her sometimes? I’m from a big family and always felt like I was just one of the crowd, and I was shocked to see that “not feeling special and important” is categorised as an adverse childhood experience among many much worse things. I do think it’s affected me, despite also having many advantages of lots of siblings.

If the brother isn’t really that fussed, maybe make a rule that its oldest in the front. Or tallest in the front which is actually fairest re leg room and means the brother’s time will come!

Great post.

I agree, I’d help them to devise a fair solution between themselves. We have the same situation here, if it’s not an official ‘turn’ for whichever kid wants to go in the front they have to do some negotiating with their sibling. If they are mean to their sibling I pull rank and put the other one in the front. They are developing awesome negotiating skills, and don’t tend to sulk often as they usually manage to find a way that suits them both.

Both in the back, problem solved?

From OP - "Once other kids were ready and we were leaving"

My brother and I still do this when we go out in my mums car and we’re 31 and 23 years old 😆

She sounds very annoying, going to those lengths just so she could gloat about the front seat - I’d have done the same as you OP. She needs to learn she won’t get far in life being so petty

In what way did she waste time?
What should she have been doing in that time?

How is getting ready early a negative thing?

She got ready, had her breakfast and patiently sat in the car whilst her siblings got ready.

What do you think she should have been doing instead?

Whatever it is, you think it only applies to her and not her siblings because you wouldn’t have expected them to do the same.

OP I wouldn't apologise but sit your daughter down and have a chat, explain about fairness and the rota that is going to be drawn up so both your son and daughter get to ride up front equally.

A couple of more years and she will probably actively want to slouch on the back seat of the car with her headphones on.

You will laugh about this one day, and take the mickey when your children are adults and you can remind them of this.

We've all done it, but fairness is the way forward in my opinion.

Well yes this. The op didn't mention other children in the back seat and we shouldn't assume that is just making up scenarios, best to ask.

Oh I lied. There is one other caveat….if I’m picking up an older one when I already have a younger one in the front seat (they go to different schools) then the person already in the front stays in the front.

God. Rota. Why is this an issue at all?

I hope you don’t have kids because that’s a horrible way to speak about a child.

Yes she’s acting childish but that’s because she’s actually a child.
OP acted more childish than she did.

MN is full of grown women sulking because their DHs didn’t get them a Mother’s Day card or valentines present etc and that’s apparently fine but when a child acts like a child, then suddenly it’s not ok.

Both would be sitting in the back.
Wouldn't be entertaining bickering over this for a minute.
They both sit in the back until they negotiate a settlement that they are both happy with.

I never tolerated bickering in my earshot.

I have 4 DC and two of them are only 18 months apart. It’s quite simple, oldest sits in the front. No one has ever argued or caused drama because it’s been a solid rule since they were little (three boys all big gangly teens now only DD is petite).

The only time this rule changes is if we are in dad’s car. In this case my eldest (DD) has to sit in the back to let one of her gangly little brothers in the front because they don’t actually fit in the back (little sports car). But that is incredibly rare as DD is 20 and very rarely in the car with us.

Getting ready unnecessarily early and wasting time sitting in the car for half an hour to win a petty sibling battle is not behaviour I would reward.

Yeah older doesn't mean certain privileges constantly in my book, if she wants to play that card than she can do more chores as she is the oldest surely.

I think you did the right thing, just tell her that her sulking has a big impact on the mornings and you are sick of it.

But everyone knows that Front Seat Privilege , FSP, comes with additional household responsibilities.

Extra washing up, hoovering, dishwasher emptying, bin duty, bathroom floor mopping, laundry sorting etc etc.

She’s being ridiculous. She’s only a year older. That means she would get to sit in the front for the next 7 years, and your DS would only have 1 year of that privilege once she’s presumably off at uni. They’re practically the same age. They have to take turns. And any sulking by the person in the back - or gloating by the person in the front - forfeits their next turn.