Was I mean to dd?

Oh wow - she’s 11, take control OP. Do not tolerate whining and moaning over something so trivial.

“Turn about” end of story. And if she whines and sulks with this FAIR solution you give her a consequence. Spell this out to her quietly when you are on your own with her.

I know it’s important to them - my kids have the same argument but don’t let it impact the rest of their day if they have to sit in the back.

This is why I should RTFT because that is horrible! Yes, you were mean. Not just mean, but also spiteful. She made all that effort and you threw it in her face to make a childish point. Apologise - and grow up!!

Take it in turns, a week at a time.

I would yes. Up and attem, and half an hour in the car - she earned that seat fair and square!

Reminds me of how, as a primary teacher, I hated it when the children had to line up and some always rushed to be at or near the front. So sometimes I made them all turn round 180 degrees and lead off from the back…

Alternate who can sit in the front seat. Your DD has had the privilege of age by getting that seat more often in the past, but now it’s time to share.

I actually don’t think you were mean as this is something I would do too and it made me laugh.
Your DD has to learn that she can’t always have her way and she has to share the front seat with her brother. She’s being a pain and this would get on my nerves as it does you.
Rota is the way forwards and stick to it. Ignore the grumps from her and be strict in enforcing the sharing. She had to learn somehow

My two are the same ages and drive me mad with this sort of point scoring behaviour so I well sympathise with you skewing the outcome 😂
Mine take turns in front seat.
I don’t think I would apologise I would say play silly games win silly prizes.

Mine use to take turns

You are the adult here, so adult. If you can't have the children in the back of the car, (find this bizarre as the back normally seats 3 people), then put a rota in place, if she sulks, she can't go in the front. She can go in the front when she stops sulking.

Make them shout ‘shotgun’. Ours do this and they’re in their 20s 😆

With my two one sits in the front on the way out and they swap on the way back. No arguments and no complaints

One in the front on the there (wherever you are going) and the other gets front seat on way home. Sorted.

If she’s able to get ready faster than the other kids, why shouldn’t she get up 30 minutes later?

This isn't so hard, OP. They take turns. When you have three old enough, they all take turns too. At one point I had a rota on the wall when I had four old enough to be in the front.

I’ve lots of children, I’ve always done oldest sits in the front as it saves any arguments as each journey they automatically know who’ll be there. Occasionally the oldest doesn’t want to sit in the front so then they swap with the next one done. Never had push back to this as they’ve just grown up knowing this is what happens

Fair 😀

yep it made me giggle which means it was probably a bit mean op 🤣

OP has more than 2 kids and they can’t all sit in the back seat, one has to sit in the front.

You need to up your game when parenting siblings, or even with extended family kids close in age to keep it fair and prevent unnecessary rivalry and certainly not enforce pettiness it by modelling it yourself!

Encourage them to work things out respectfully between themselves, like taking turns or agreeing on a fair system for who sits in the front. If they are not capable of working it out themselves tell them to alternate each day/trip and your decision stands. Make it clear that gloating, sulking or arguing won't be tolerated and what the consequences will be and follow through every time - gloat/sulk/back talk and you are in the back seat for a week.

How come?

You think all of the other kids should be made to get up and get ready, whilst she’s allowed to spend an extra 30minutes in bed??

If getting the front seat is causing issues then her being allowed to sleep in every morning whilst the others aren’t allowed to, is going to cause way bigger issues.

I agree with a rota, but is there any mileage here is pointing out that sulking is unnattractive, as is gloating and as the driver you do not want to have a sulker or a gloater in the seat beside you?

I don’t think you were mean, sitting in the front seat might feel like life or death to an 11 year old…but it isn’t. She needs to see a bit of humour in you foiling her ridiculous plan and take it on the chin.

I’d put a rota in place going forwards though; kids like rules, fairness, and boundaries. I like the pp above who suggested one always gets ‘going there’ and one always gets ‘coming back’. Seems the easiest way to remember who sits where.

Either set up a rigid schedule as to who gets to sit in the front of the car or allow no one to sit there. Your daughter is trying it on and it is up to you as the adult to put boundaries in place. It is not a question of you being mean or not mean, it is a question of her learning that everyone is equal. If she were mine, I would be having strong words about sharing and being a team player which will be required for her to get successfully through life.

We had a system that none of us would have ever thought to question.

Eldest sat in the front if 1 parent not there. Then second eldest if 1 parent and eldest not there.

I was the youngest and only got to go in the front on rare occasions!

We did however get a Range rover and my dad had seats fitted in the boot bit for me as I was squished in the middle on long journeys otherwise. I even had a hydraulic step to pop me up there! It made up for lack of front seat time tbh!