Was I mean to dd?

Yes you were mean. Yes it's petty of her but if she's willing to get ready quickly for it then let her have it! And she's a teen, and they can be v petty!

Jeez, did you flick vees at her as you walked past too?! 🖕🏻

I wouldn't like the gloating (be nice or be quiet worker for mine) but sibling rivalry happens. You're allegedly the grown up here.

If does sound a bit mean if it was an isolated incident but in this context it was OK to play her. I can imagine DSs glee when he saw the opportunity!! DD is acting entitled so you are right to manage her. She is only one year older so the age thing is of little relevance, plus I think that is unfair anyhow as the oldest will always be older. My twins argue about their 2 min difference but I take no heed. When we do family stuff one has to sit in the middle of the back seat with no leg room and we do one way each, or if stopping for a break we do half the journey each. It's genuinely cramped for them. It's always agreed in advance though as there would be a massive row otherwise.

My neighbour has 4 kids and drives them to school, my first question was how do you manage the front seat privilege. They are teens so the back is extremely squashed. They have a weekly rotation so no confusion about who had it yesterday, what if one was sick etc.

That's what I made my two do when they started arguing - first to call shotgun but the car has to be in sight (to stop them calling shotgun 2 hours in advance)

I have 4 who all want to be in the front. One has to be in the front because of space. Turns are a nightmare because sometimes they aren't all in the car and some journeys are longer than others.

We do wheel of names. Random chance generator and they will always abide by that!

The more I read this thread I am thinking how hilarious this all sounds.
11 year old girl so determined she sits in the car half an hour before she needs to....mum uses the other car 😂😂
@idontknowhowto I actually think you should be proud of your Top Trump move!
After school say you are sorry and give her a hug.
Then draw up a rota.
Hopefully in years to come - when she possibly has her own car - you will both look back at this and laugh.

My kids are older, but (when we had two cars) we def did not have car seats for both. The infant ones are very expensive.
We did have more than one high backed booster though.
We tended to use the car with car seats to take the kids out rather than swap the seats though.

I'm curious now...do most people these days have duplicate infant car seats?

This.

Op is so involved in the drama that she did not even think of this simple solution!!

Make her walk? The back seat might not seem like such a bad option.

most people have duplicate car seats I would imagine, we do, I can't imagine having to swap car seats every time one parent wanted to take 5 kids out!

I’m sure she would absolutely love that and if she was an only child I’d recommend it but OP wouldn’t like it because then she’d get the other children saying it’s unfair and have bigger issues than she does now.

Mine are 16 and 26. Older one isn't often at home, but dear God...the scrap when he is and they race for the front! I just stand there with the keys waiting for them to either stop killing each other or come to an agreement.

nb it's all quite light hearted before people admonish the immaturity of my 26 yo. You know how we all revert back to the sibling rivalries as soon as we go back to the family home?? It's that.

Reasonable to me..and hilarious.

If taking turns is difficult (I wouldn't remember whose turn it was), then do odd days and even days. Oldest gets odds as a concession to being the oldest. Moaning means you skip your turn.

I do think it was mean to switch cars purposefully.

Eldest gets the front seat.

I’d have probably stuck to age basis like you did with dsd so your dd in front as presumably next year she will get bus and ds will have a year of front seat but given this is the situation I’d say-

dd gets mornings
ds gets after school

it was a little mean but no harm done

Do both cars have car seats for the younger 2 or do you need to switch them between cars? I'm wondering if your DD noticed which car the child seats were in.

I'd tell them that they'll be taking turns and if she continues to sulk and complain when it's her turn in back seat you'll make a permanent thing that she sits in the back seat cause she's displaying that she's not mature enough for the front seat.

It's pretty simple, no rota needed. They take turns. Anyone having a strop loses their turn. Don't punish your son by sitting him in the back all the time, he's not the problem. Let it be known in advance that the turns aren't set in stone - if at any time you need the setup to be different it will be.

Why can't they take turns? If you are only taking one out or the other (not both together), that doesn't count as 'their turn', just take it in turns every time you have both together, it is the only fair way to be honest, you've caused this by letting them compete for it.

I wouldn't tolerate her gloating about it though and would relegate her to the back until she could learn to be gracious.

Mine tend to do one on the way there and the other on the way back.
If you sit in the back you can wear earphones and listen to your own music or podcasts. If you sit in the front you have to engage in conversation with the driver. So sitting in the front is not such a massive treat, sometimes they prefer peace and quiet. We've not quite got to the point where they are fighting for the back but I reckon it will happen!

Mine are 23 and 15 and still take turns. I’m the parent and they know I will enforce this so zero arguments (over this at any rate 🤣). It’s been this way since youngest was out of his car seat and both are happy it’s fair. We also take turns on choosing the playlist. But, as previous posters have said, it has to be consistent

Your post makes no sense! On one hand you’re saying DS can do no wrong, then take it in turns!

Well you showed her how to behave in a mature manner .

And it was a little mean when she had gone to all that effort - but I don’t blame you!!