Was I mean to dd?

Boot

I think you played a great game.
Did she have a tantrum?

No, I wouldn’t apologise. You beat her at her own game.

I did a rota @idontknowhowto but did it a week at time so I didn't have to remember who was there on the last journey! Then if you need to give the seat to the teen DSD they only have to miss one journey out of a week.

Front seat really important for some kids at that age. It was for mine but they've mostly outgrown that at 13 and 15 now.

Was it petty? Yes
Did it cause any harm? No
Was it funny - hell yes!
I wouldn’t apologise, a small win to counter all the mindless bickering. 😊

OK. Thanks for explaining. As I said, mine are older. I have little knowledge of current car seats.

" DD your silliness over the front seat , and in particular you gloating when you get it, annoyed me so much that I deliberately took Dad's car today. I perhaps should have spoken to you about it first but there simply wasn't time.
From now on it will be a strict take turns rota, and the first time one of you gloats about where you are sitting means that you forfeit the following week. "

No way would I be apologising.

You knew exactly what you were doing and deliberately messed with her head. Yes apologise imo

Cannot believe all the ‘oh it’s quite simple, I just prioritise the eldest all of the time!’ posters.

My parents had a bit of that attitude. Guess what, eldest is entitled for zero reason, less able to stand on her own two feet (bewildered that she’d have to), 100% genuinely believes that she should have first dibs on everything and is more important than me at FIFTY. We barely speak these days.

Mum is confused and sad that I fucked off out of the country for more than 20 years and that I am still very wary of her/my/sisters relationship. I pulled her up on something where she was ‘oh let’s talk about what your SISTER is doing’ the other day, she actually shockingly reflected on it and apologised! She would be devastated to know we are thinking of moving away again, but as a younger child who is an adult, you reflect on a childhood where you were routinely given less status and less privileges and make your life decisions accordingly!

Think about your younger children’s wants and needs occasionally!

That was petty of you.

Growing up it was the eldest child as they were the tallest, as simple as that. You have probably 2 ish weeks before school ends so ride it out and revise your plan for September.

If they both can’t fit in the back. Strict turns.

@idontknowhowto just need to teach her that want doesnt always get!! our grandchildren take turns sitting in the front with no arguing.

who said infant? She said they were younger children, a lot of car seats after the infant stage go through all the stages (approx age 2-12) now by converting with the child as it grows, that is the type we have 2 of, they aren't even that expensive.

We only had one infant we would swap, but after that we bought 2 to save the mega hassle of swapping them over when required.

I know a lot of other 2 car families who have done the same through the years, and also people with grandchildren have their own seats.

so you can’t get your whole family in one car? That’s pretty depressing on its own. Sell both cars and get a 7 seater. Or are there more kids lurking?

I think it was mean, and I would not have done this. It’s hurtful and kinda humiliating for her. I would apologise and acknowledge you were being childish/petty.

It really is hilarious!! I particularly love the initiative of dd in getting up extra early and waiting for all that time. It was mean of mum to d what she did but so funny.

the rota will bring sanity but it won’t be half as much fun (for us anyway).

Why should she use words? The point was firmly made in an amusing way!

Then she, an adult, should have used words and told her daughter. Actually, she should have done that long ago. Her actions were childish and petty.

They take turns at my house. Being the eldest means nothing.

I would apologise because it is good to model that sort of stuff but I’d explain that you’re not going to get to a point where everyone is getting up at 4am just to sit in the car and it’s just going to be a strict rota now. I’d ask why she cares so much about it and if she says the age thing, perhaps point to things that she is able to do because she’s older? It sounds like it’s a bit of a sore point for her at moment - perhaps she’s trying to stress how ‘old’ she is and keeps getting put back in her place!

I remember my brother doing similar re going to the cinema - he would want to see something he could go to but I couldn’t (a 12). He’s a lovely big brother but he just needed to assert his new status as an almost teen, I guess! If possible, I’d chat through this whilst spending some 1:1 time with her so she’s more able to open up and feel like you’re really listening. You could also ask her if she’d prefer a weekly or daily rota so she feels like she’s slightly more involved.

It wasn't petty or childish, it was making the point that she is a child and doesn't get to call the shots, despite calling shotgun! Too many parents let their kids rule them these days. No apology needed for learning a lesson!

I think I'd have a chat with her. I suppose it's not comfortable being stuck between two car seats in the back.

If she's pulling the "I'm bigger card" point out her brother may well at some point be bigger than her. If she's pulling the I'm older, give her some more chores as she's so old and responsible.

How about suggesting you alternate depending on the calendar week? Does one have and odd number in birthday/month/number of letters and the other not? Then the ones with an odd number gets the odd weeks of the year, the other the even. Set your calendar to show weeks.

If she gloats, or won't accept taking turns, let her walk.

I have two boys 9 and 10. One goes in the front on the way there, one goes in the front on the way back. Been that way since they were out of high back boosters. Sometimes they bicker about journeys, e.g. if we go to one shop and then on to another, or one child gets dropped off at a party etc. but the rule stands - outbound is child A, inbound is child B. If there’s an adult in the car, both in the back. If they have a friend in the car, in the back with your friend. Having rules makes it easier to enforce. They also argue about which shower they use, as we have two. We started by allocating a shower to each child, but it has become clear that the shower in our en-suite is the equivalent to shotgun, so we need a system! I like the odd days / even days suggestion above. Might try that until they cotton on to the days that have 31 days giving an advantage 😂😂

It's the sulking and gloating Id be stamping down on (especially the latter, as it's a very unpleasant trait). If she can't share nicely on a rota, she sits in the back for a specified number of trips. (I also don't think you should apologise - explain to her WHY you did it instead). You are allowed to be annoyed about the stupid arguments.

My sister and I went through a phase of fighting about the front seat. Mum (single parent) once got so fed up she kicked us both out and made us walk home, about 2 miles. It was the '70's - you wouldn’t do it now - I was about 11 and sister 9. But I tell you what, it stopped the squabbling. When my mother threatened something you knew she meant it!

You were petty but I’m guilty of similar with my DD so don’t know what the right answer is here haha