Nanny bringing boyfriend round for babysitting

It would be a no from me. There is a risk, however small and it is a completely avoidable risk.

I also think it’s a good idea to just keep work and personal life separate and not set a precedent where he can be included at her work. I would be mindful of avoiding a future scenario where she has them during school holidays and he’s off work too and wants to spend the day with them or meet for lunch or whatever. Even if nothing sinister you’re potentially getting in to a scenario where your kids are exposed to someone who you haven’t chosen carefully, as you did your nanny, without you there. That wouldn’t be for me.

The only way to be sure nothing bad goes down is him not be there in the first place. It could do more harm letting him than not letting him. How badly would it impact the sitters life and her boyfriends life if you said no?
If she has a problem with no, then I wouldn't hire her anymore because I couldn't trust someone who didnt respect boundaries.

It would be a no from me. Sitting and watching tv for 4 hours(and getting paid to do so) sounds pretty amazing to me. The fact she is on her own.......... meh. I do that every night of the week.

She has every opportunity to see her bf when she isnt working.

I wouldnt want anybody in my home that I hadnt met. Particularly not with my 7yo children asleep in their beds.

Simply put - she’s an employee whom you’ve presumably vetted and ensured has had a DBS check. You haven’t vetted him. And she’s working so it would be a hard no from me.

I personally wouldn't be bothered about it, The twins are 7, not tiny babies, so it's extremely unlikely that anything will go drastically wrong. If you think one child is nervous then ask him to come later, as you suggested.
Sounds like this is a bit of extra cash and she's giving up her Saturday night. I used to go with my friend for baby sitting sometimes as a teenager, we just sat on the sofa and watched films.

@DesperateFTM567

I, like at least one other on this thread, am well aware of what a Nanny's duties are.

I can assure I never ever in 8 years or so of being a Level 3 Childcare ( NNEB in those days ) did general house work or cleaning. My children's parents always had cleaners, one or two had house keepers.

I did sometimes do the children's laundry and sometimes depending on the cleaner's role, ironing of the children's clothes.

However I preferred the age range of around 2 years old - so the child would be at home, tho often there would be an older sibling or two.

God forbid she should sit on her arse and watch TV while doing evening babysitting!!! 😮
I can see why you choose not to use regular babysitters, as you wouldn’t be able to get your pound of flesh.

We may be in the same job and I agree. A person in love will ignore a lot of things. I have managed sex offenders who were married to teachers and TAs. Well respected women who you'd have thought would have had their heads screwed on with regards to child safeguarding.

Has she said why he wants to come over? I have had nannies and this comes up every time. I'd never think of popping over to someone's work place for fun. Is it because she can't deal with the children?

The jobs I had I could do what I liked as long as phone with me incase school rang if they fell over etx

yes nursery duties but again cleaners always cleaned the kids bedrooms etx

so I did kids washing - did weekly food shop

So what do you do between the hours of 8am and 3pm when they are at school? Every nanny I know does laundry and cleaning. Not top to bottom like a cleaner, but whatever she can do when kids sleep/are at school, starting with the kids food and kids stuff/rooms.

Nannies are not cleaners

I didn’t go to college for 2yrs and then do varies courses and training to clean someone’s kitchen /toilet/floor and fold their washing

saying all that. Cleaners do an amazing job and it’s hard work scrubbing /hovering 8/10hrs a day every day

You husband said he is not comfortable with the idea but seems to be willing to be convinced by you.

You ask for feedback, but when others say they would not be comfortable with the idea you are often critical of their views.

You are clearly comfortable with the idea or you would have just said no. So I am also wondering why you have posted this thread - were you hoping that the overwhelming feedback was people saying they think your husband is being too cautious?

I never get this - if you are paying her to babysit why would she bring someone?
I am another one who was sexually assaulted as a child - it doesn't matter if statistically the chance is small - it does happen.

How do you know they will just be sitting on the sofa watching a movie? OP has no idea what they will be doing.

She is being paid to take care of OP's children. She's not being paid to conduct her social life in OP's home.

And who is this boyfriend? He could be anyone, get up to all sorts in OP's home.

And is OP supposed to allow her to bring whoever she likes/ do whatever she likes just in case the young woman decides she doesn't want to baby sit?
Personally my childrens safety and welfare come first and if I'm left without a babysitter so be it . Preferable to compromising my children's wellbeing.

My instinct would be ‘no’. But into the equation would be whether the babysitting she does is dealt with separately from the general nanny contract you have with her. Does she babysit fo you every week, and is that part of the all-in deal? If that is the case my answer would emphatically be no, and not at all hard to justify.

If, however, she does it on an ‘as and when’ basis and pay is completely separate from the work she does with you during the week, then it might be tougher for me to say ‘no’. But I still wouldn’t like it. Not if it’s at your house.

Also, say if you have your plan of only having him come after the kids are in bed, your daughter wakes and either bumps into him going to the loo or worse. You’ve said she’s already anxious, I imagine she’d be horrified! And if you told her that babysitter’s male friend was popping in whilst she was asleep surely that would make it worse!

Is she a nanny by profession i.e. background checks etc? Or a local girl you trust and feel comfy with?

Because tbh id find it uncomfortable if an employ brought a date to my house while she was working. Especially as he has had no checks done. But if this is less formal than that, and you've not had checks on her I might feel more inclined to make a judgement call on how I perceived him

I disagree she doesn't take it seriously. She's just sitting there on the sofa from her perspective her boyfriend could watch the movie she's watching with her. She's allowed to ask.

It's fine to set boundaries and say no to her, but you need to be prepared for the consequence that she might not agree to babysit. If you have a long list of people who are usually available, safe, affordable, well known to kids etc then that's not a problem.

So if you asked someone to work overtime and paid them for it, you expect them to just sit there because it's an inconvenient time? I don't think so.

Part of any nanny's job description is to do some general tyding and cleaning while the children are at school /nursery/sleeping.

Why does the time of day make a difference?

If the nanny doesn't like coming in the evening, she really doesn't have to. That's extra and paid more than the day rate, always.

I would say this particular nanny is probably young and inexperienced to even suggest bringing her boyfriend round. Or maybe not even paid properly, which would be OP's fault.

If you really trusts her I would let her assuming she says she is with him at all times and he doesn't go into children's rooms.
Otherwise she's less likely to agree to babysit and she wants to see her boyfriend not just be with your kids all day and your kids would be more at risk from a random babysitter than their usual nanny

Au pairs, cleaners and mothers helpers get much worse wages than a nanny, at least around here. The point of the nanny title is that they have a lot more responsibility and get better wages. There really isn't much "nannying" per se at the age of 7. You take them to school, activities, make snacks, help with homework AND general tidying and cleaning. They're at school for most of the day!! Hard and respectable job but nothing that would justify sitting for 4 hours. Again, I have never had this problem. My nanny just does stuff. Never a problem that had even entered my mind, personally. She is NOT a babysitter. And we pay her about 30% more than anyone else I know in the area anyway. You get what you pay for maybe.

And my nanny's husband HAS met my child. But I was present! And he came round specifically to meet him and give him a toy because he obviously hears all about him all day every day.

I would certainly review her employment if she suddenly suggested bringing her husband in the house at night without me there.

Wtf

wow. Your poor nanny - you are treating her like a skivvy !!

@DesperateFTM567

There are not many Nannies that clean houses, esp in the evening.

Au Pairs and Mother's Helps, and Housekeepers - maybe but again not usually in the evening when the children are asleep.

All of the above would normally have different duties in their contracts and different rates of pay.

I don’t think your nanny should be making you feel bad if you don’t allow him over - yes it’s out of her usual hours but you are asking her to carry out a job which involves safeguarding your DC.
If anyone is asked to work over time do they ask if their partners can join them because it’s outside of their usual hours? I know she may well be sitting on her own watching tv for several hours but that’s what she’s paid to do. If it’s bcos she doesn’t see her BF often & is doing you a favour by facilitating working outside of her usual hours & if accommodating you, means she misses out on seeing her BF & so trying to do both, I do understand. But then as her employer I don’t think you should be putting her in that position. Either you look for a child minder for those hours or she attends solo. Just my thoughts. Alternatively I would want to meet BF but opening & welcoming him into your nanny’s working role isn’t the way I’d want to go personally as he’ll become a more permanent fixture. Presumably he’s isn’t DBS checked or a professional when it comes to looking after children?