To bury him under the patio

The only solution to this is separate bedrooms.

Honestly that's awful and I'm sorry you went through it. There's a lot on MN that can be triggering. If you see a title like this one you can hide it from view instead of opening it and reading it. I've had to do that at times for different reasons.

The only thing that worked for me was silicon earplugs (broken in half as they’re too big otherwise) then a musicozy headband over the top playing white noise.
If you can feel him vibrating through the mattress maybe look at replacing with two single beds as well.

I really wish people would stop saying this! The burying under the patio thing. I do get that it’s dark humour and not literally intended but having been the victim of domestic abuse and genuinely frightened that my (now ex) husband would murder me at some point I hate this being said even in jest. And feel like people would feel very differently about this being said even in jest if it was men saying it about their wives.

This

Ear plugs game changer for me too I feel your pain. Worse if he's had wine like he did last night.

I'm convinced being overweight not helping him

I feel your pain! Get yourself some bio ears ear plugs, game changer for me

He may need to lose weight a bit - 10 lbs should fix it.
But I would invest in the following

wax ear plugs
noise cancelling ear phones

and wear both when you go to sleep

or get a separate bedroom

I have Ozlo sleepbuds which have helped to block it out. Expensive but worth it for me. You can return them within a month if they don't help.

Do what I did:-
Print out the United Nations policy about sleep deprivation as a form of torture.
Record his volume in decibels and find an equivalent:- My DH was the same volume as a sound-proofed Baptist Church fined for breaching council noise ordinances when having mid-week Christian Rock bands performing at their services. (My favourite).
Get marriage counselling when your DH decides that a cpap machine will make him feel unsexy - point out all the above and that you haven’t had a full night’s sleep in 17 years as aparrently me sleeping on the couch ALSO doesn’t make him feel sexy.

Print out a Sleep Divorce Contract and start looking for a house with another bedroom or a separate home for myself.
Then the thing that makes the biggest difference;
Make sure all the family and friends know all of these things.

As above, if the cpap isn’t working, it’s probably an ill-fitting mask. He needs a different one. Also they need replacing at frequent intervals.

I've got a fork and a shovel OP. Let me know if you need help with the digging 😉

I wouldn't put up with this. I know your DH is trying to sort it, but I'd be insisting he sleeps in the car or something at this point! There's no way I'd have my sleep hijacked, other than by a baby or puppy!
If you don't have a spare room, can you get a single axle caravan to park on the driveway? I'm not joking.

Why is accepted that he struggles caring for your son alone? He sounds like an inconsiderate useless lump. I advocate a little bit of losing your shit. Things need to change and until you make him, he’s quite happy taking all the sleep and not pulling his weight.

If the cpap isn’t working he needs to go back to the clinic and have the pressure and other settings checked. Also worth trying different types of masks to find the most comfortable/least intrusive option. My husband snored so bad neither of us slept for years (literally). Since getting the cpap he rarely snores and on the occasion it’s for a few seconds.

She says in her op he has a machine for apnoea but removes it.

Sleep buds op, not plugs which are useless but ones that connect to an app to drown out noise. I use soundcore a20 and have stopped wanting to kill my snoring dh in the middle of the night so worth a try.

I’ve moved into the spare room because of this! I keep telling him to get checked for sleep apnoea but he won’t, so frustrating.

He really needs to get the sleep apnoa addressed, it is dangerous if not and will even invalidate his driving licence. Has he been back to the sleep clinic to try another mask? My DH had 60 episodes an hour before he was treated and is now down to 1. It took him a few goes with different masks until he found one which suited.

This is not sustainable - your health is being impacted and long term effects of chronic lack of sleep are very worrying.

the least damaging option is to book yourself in a hotel - it’s the only way he will learn to handle DC and make him realise he has to do more to solve his snoring.

I’ll provide an alibi!

Happy to provide an alibi if you need one @Sadmummy3

Does your husband recognise he's causing a problem, albeit unintentionally?
My husband was the same. For years (literally our entire 15 year relationship) I've been telling him he has sleep apnoea, needs to get a sleep clinic referral etc. and he's done nothing about it. Until he developed an eye problem, which the ophthalmologist told him was linked to sleep apnoea and referred him. He's had a cpap machine for 6 months and although we're still sleeping separately, I would actually consider sharing a bed again 🤣

Do you have a spare room, or a room you can make into a spare? It won't solve the problem but it certainly made me feel less stabby not being able to feel the whole fucking bed rumble!
Is your husband doing anything about the fact he's not getting on with the mask?
Does he have associated conditions - obesity etc and is he doing anything about this? To be honest, my husband has lost 5 stone since he was officially diagnosed (we both have, but I don't snore!!), and when we've done overnights in hotels recently, he's barely snored so I think that's been a lot of the problem.

It travels throughout the house. The kids hear it.

Bloody grim.

Separate bedrooms?

You’ll still hear him snoring from under the patio

You need sleep. DH needs to learn how to cope with DS on his own as part of you getting it, and just overall.

He needs a check up for sleep apnea. He needs to do everything he can, lose weight, good diet, nose clips etc while it's going on. A lot of men seem to think that it's a normal thing, but it isn't.