Bad reaction to pregnancy announcement

Not enough to go on here.

I will vote once I have more context

This.

I see two different ways this could come about that result in different opinions about unreasonableness:

If your first child was a burden on her, if you relied on her for housing, or child care, or financial support, or whatever (especially if you haven't really ever truly appreciated that cost to her and made it up to her), I would see her as still hurting from that. In which case I would say you aren't exactly being unreasonable, but neither is she.

On the other hand, she could just be very negative about children or about you. There may be reasons for that (a hard time as a mother, for instance) but even so, it's unreasonable of her.

This. More backstory/context info needed for me to have an opinion.

Are you with the same bloke that fathers your first child?

if not; have you been this said bloke very long?

if not; I see her point. She’s wondering if you’re going to end up one of those baby-popping invite all the dads round for a banquet types.

What's the back story?

You’re 27 not 18 and you’ve already been there and done it. You know what’s coming and she cld be more supportive. I’d be so upset if my mum acted like that too.
I bet she comes around quickly when the baby is born. Well I hope so anyway. Congratulations, I hope it all goes well.

You’re 27, not 17. How old was she when you were born?

unless there is stuff underlying about your relationship or their supporting you, this is a horrible and inexcusable reaction, what an unpleasant woman. Sounds like she is just like that if she does it to friends as well.

Congratulatios on your pregnancy @Familydrama25 i hope all goes well 🤰

For example: short relationship, not married (or with personal assets), earning enough to pay for two DC and childcare, having had a lot of family help with childcare and/or housing or financial help.

Honestly there’s not enough context to give an opinion here. If you rely on them a lot with the child you have, aren’t in a long term stable relationship with the father, not financially stable etc then I can understand why she might react like this. My own mum was over the moon when I told her about my daughter and then this pregnancy but that’s because we don’t rely on or ask anything of her, my children are not her responsibility nor do I put any of the responsibility of them on her in terms of childcare etc, they know we are married & financially stable, there is no worry for them. I can see where she would have reacted differently if they were already providing me with a lot of physical, practical or financial support though as then your announcement is more of a “here’s more work for you coming”.

This depends on a lot of factors - who raised/funded the first one, where do you live, how stable is your relationship….? If your parents provided the majority of the money and childcare for your first child and you live with them then she may have a point.

That is really weird. You need to answer the questions about if you rely on her financially or for childcare though.

Your mum might be awful in general, but depending on your circumstances there might be valid reasons she might be concerned about or disagree with your decisions on this.

As others have said if you rely on her for money or childcare then that is different to you being completely independent - are you completely independent?

It's hard to tell from here OP. Technically you deciding to have a baby isn't her business but did she have to help co-parent your first DC? In an age with available contraception I think it's potentially quite traumatising for a woman to be pushed into being an unwilling co-parent. Is she worried that it will be a repeat of when DC1 was a baby and she doesn't want to repeat it? Or else has it made her a bit more enmeshed with DC1 and her concern is how it will affect him.

I hope you have a more settled life now and your DM will realise things are different and come round to this.

I think you have to tell us more about how much (if at all) you rely on your mother for help with the child you already have?
Are you financially independent? Do you live with your parents?

I suspect there is a lot of backstory here.

Pregnant at 21. Unplanned? Were you still living with your parents? Was the father involved? Who had to support you through the birth/new born stage?

This pregnancy sounds like it was also unplanned. How long have you been with the father, because it sounds as if your mum isn't even sure who the dad is? Do you work? Do you have maternity pay? Who do you live with?

Do you rely on your parents for childcare? Are you a burden to them in any other way?

IF all of the questions above have positive answers, maybe your mum is just a cow. But I think there is another side to this story and that maybe your mum is reacting badly because of previous bad planning/irresponsibility.

Do you rely on her financially? Does she look after your existing child already and is worried she’ll have to look after two?
How long have you been in the relationship with the father for?
These things do make a difference I’m afraid.

Same thoughts as many others, is she concerned about your ability to independently feed and house another child, do you expect them to be your childcare?

If you’re not already leaning on them- and now expecting more- then it seems an odd reaction, maybe she’s just a miserable cow?

Congratulations ❤️ this is a her problem. If anyone needs to be patching anything up, it’s not you. She sounds like she has mental issues that need addressing.

My first thought is that you live with them and your mum has already spent the last five years helping with childcare and supporting you both, and you’re now expecting again without considering the implications on them.

can you please clarify so you can get appropriate advice?

I’m sorry OP that’s sad. As others have said context is key though- if she’s normally great (is she?) why would she be unhappy about a baby? If she’s clarifying who the father is it sounds like potentially a newish relationship- maybe that’s a worry? Trying to play devils advocate not agree with your mum- you’re a proper adult now so enjoy your pregnancy!

Congratulations

That's how my dm would have reacted.

She saw children as a burden, a disaster. Something to be avoided or regretted. But my dm was around before the contraceptive pill, when she spent her whole time trying not to get pregnant (odd then that she chose to marry).

Your dm doesn't have that background. Unless your dm thinks she will be left holding the baby, she is being completely unreasonable. It is your choice. Perhaps she relies on you and you have less time with her as each baby comes along. Or she is jealous.

Her response is horrid but also it depends on the situation.
Was the pregnancy planned? Are you married/in a ltr?
Do you have your own house? Are you financially stable?

if the answer to any of these questions is no it could be she is worried about you and your son and you making life hard for yourself.