Bad reaction to pregnancy announcement

People say really stupid things sometimes. When we announced our last DC, my mum went silent for a couple of mins and my MIL just said ‘oh dear’. We have never relied on them for anything, live in a different country, 1,000 miles anway and had been together for 20 years! Yes thé pregnancy was unplanned but that didn’t mean that à) we didn’t give it serious thought b) we were pleased about it!
Our DC were thrilled about it, and DC is now ten, an absolute joy and the best surprise I ever received.

BUT… I never forgot how they responded.

Unless you live with her I don’t see why she has an issue

I assume it’s a diff dad from your first child - does he see his child /get involved ?

current partner and dad to be - do you live with him - I’m guessing not by the way your mum responded saying do you know who the dad is

either way she sounds bitter and why keep her in your life

congrats

I assume you are not living with the dad as you had to clarify who the dad is (otherwise that would be weird question). Is it short term relationship? I assume different dad to first child, was that short term relationship too? What is your financial position?

Your mum doesn’t sound nice but to dread telling your parents you are pregnant usually means it is not an ideal situation

I will reserve judgement OP.
I would love to hear your mum's side of the story.
She's probably menopausal, she's stepped up to help out with your first child, (planning Disney!) and now the first ones settling at school, and she is looking forward to a bit of peace, it starts over for her.
You weren't even thrilled about this pregnancy yourself, but you expect her to be.

I'll say congratulations to you, any baby is a blessing and I hope I'm wrong about the above.

Her reaction is obviously unpleasant, but your post lacks context. As has been asked, who is the father, are you married or in a stable relationship, do you work and will you be able to continue working after the birth, what’s your living/housing situation?

All these are important questions when one considers creating a new life. Maybe your mum’s reaction is rooted in fear for your and your existing child’s future?

It seems an odd reaction. However, I can understand it if she's had to bail you out financially, give support financially, take substantial responsibility over and above normal grandparent duties to enable you to work or study. It might be a matter of, "Oh no, here we go again with another baby, more responsibility for me that I didn't ask for." Do you live with them or have your own place? Is the Dad/Dads involved and supporting/helping?

So are you livng with her in their house and or using her for child care? If not then just get on with it really

That's a very odd reaction. Your 27! What's it got to do with your mother.

This!
Do you rely on your parents hugely? Do you live with them etc. If so I understand their annoyance tbh.

If not ignore them!

Oh OP, I'm sorry. How awful.

Firstly, I think it's lovely news that you're having a baby. Early December is a great time for a birthday. It gets the festive season started. What's not to love 😁❤

My parents are exactly the same. My mother is terrible. Bitter and jealous. She spoils everything with this shit.

They take 4/5 holidays a year but she foams at the mouth with jealousy if I go anywhere. We live at opposite sides of the country (wonder why). The weather on Monday where I live was glorious. Hot and sunny. She rang and ranted on about how awful the weather was where she is and how ''it must be nice to get the sun when we've got nothing'' on and on... One frigging sunny day. I can't even have that.

I got engaged many years ago to a man who had two daughters. Her face was like stone when I told her and she spat out ''I don't want to be a Grandmother to them two girls''. She never asked about the wedding even once. You'd think your only child getting married might be something you'd ask about from time to time, but no. Nothing.

I bought a new build apartment. Faces like stone from both of them when I told them. I had some photos and information for them to look at. She said to leave it on the coffee table and she'd look later. It sat there for days untouched. I took it away in the end.

In recent years I've had holidays, relationships, jobs, done two postgrad qualifications, started a business and a blog that they don't know about. It's sad but necessary. I fell sad about hiding my life but I'm tired of everything being shat on and it will never change.

She isn't expressing concerns. She is being horrible.

So you rely on them for anything because I would have let them have it with both barrels. How fucking rude.

Distance yourself from them.

More information needed. Are you actually in a stable long term relationship OP? Was the pregnancy planned? Are you able to support yourself? If the answer to these questions is no, I don’t see how you can expect your mum to be over the moon.

I agree with this as otherwise her reaction is very odd (& indeed horrible & hurtful).

There’s obviously a back story here.

She sounds like she really struggles with change. It seems she wasn't happy about your first DC - but she wants to take him on holiday so it looks like she cares about them now.

I have a similar family member and it helps to "softly" break news to them in stages. I.E. Instead of just saying "I'm moving house", you'd say "I think this house is getting too small for us", then a couple of weeks later "Oh I saw this lovely house for sale, I might go visit it", then another couple of weeks later "We visited a few houses in xyz area" before finally saying "we're moving".

It really helps her cope with big changes by slowly getting used to it. She explained it once to me as big news feeling almost like a slap to the face. It just sent her into a panicked angry mode where she would fight to make things stay the same to make the feelings go away despite in the long run not really caring one way or the other what happens.

It might be worth trying this with your mum if any of this rings true.

I agree, a lot missing here. Where does OP live, does her mum help with childcare, are the dads on the scene and helping out, does the OP work and have an income to support two children. Can’t judge the reaction without more detail.

Where do you live?
Are you working?
Was this pregnancy or your first pregnancy planned?
Have you been relying on your parents for help, either financially or with childcare etc
What is the dad like and is he working and living with you?
How are things with the dad of your first child?

I think we need the backstory here. If you’re a happy, financially solvent couple who have a planned pregnancy then I think her reaction is odd/ rude. But if you’re living with them, no job, no money, boyfriend who is on drugs and not supporting you and you were already struggling and relying on them I can see why your mum might not think this is good news.

Plenty of times I’ve read posts on here which sound like an absolute shit show (abusive druggy boyfriend, no money, no independence, kids already having issues) and the woman ends with “and I am 20 weeks pregnant.” I know accidents happen but I can’t help but think what a completely f-ing stupid thing to do.

Congrats on your baby.
I think the key here is do you live with them? Do they support you financially or with help?
how long have you been with your partner?

I know my parents were very supportive of my sister when she fell pregnant at 19. Childcare constantly, lent money to her then ex to pay his debts on her credit card to ensure her rating stayed ok money which they never got back, deposit for a house etc.

So when at 28 my sister started trying to get pregnant again with a man she had only known for 3 months they were devastated. They’d raised 5 kids and then put their efforts into helping her raise their grandchild - my mum wanted my sister to not risk being a single mum again. My sister did fall pregnant but unfortunately miscarriaged - but then found out this man had done similar to his ex who he left holding the baby at 6 months. Within a year he had left my sister.

you mum might be worried for you

I have a friend I’m not telling as that will be her reaction or worse, friends for a similar amount of time.

@Familydrama25 its a shame your mum reacted like this but I agree with pp is there a backstory?

I wouldn't be thrilled if my daughter in her 20's already had two children with two different fathers. She is probably upset that you've missed out on travel and the chance to build a career. Missing out on milestones such as buying property and marrying someone who actually wants to make you their wife before having children and the legal/financial protections that come with marriage.

The fact she doesn't even know the child's father is telling. They're probably despairing of your choices and don't fancy bankrolling them further. They're also probably nearing retirement, perhaps they planned on enjoying this rather than being obligated to bankroll and provide childcare for another new baby.

This.

I did know someone whose DM reacted like this.
I wouldn't have said it myself and there was really good reason why DM was not happy about it.

Baby was planned and baby was very loved (including by granny) but it was really not a situation that bringing another baby, especially with the particular dad, into was a good idea in any way.

It's so odd. I strongly suspect there is no good reason for this! But why would she object, that is really not clearly from your post. At 27, you are not that young anymore, so it can't be your age. Sounds like she has a good relationship with your other child. Does she not like your partner?

I can't imagine the reason for her perspective from your post. I suspect if you understand it, it will give you clarity and be less confusing. Likely to be very unreasonable btw but it could help you

Was she like this when you were younger

the first thing out of my mums mouth when I told her was ‘don’t think I’m babysitting it’ I was a 34 year old married woman, so god knows why she said it.

But it sounds like it’s your mums natural response to news, if her friend has also had issues with her.

Id reduce contact with her tbh, if a friend said that you’d not see them much, so why put up with it because she’s your mum.

It sounds like you still live at home from the way you talk. If so , your DM was probably hoping you would have moved out and be settled before another baby.