Bad reaction to pregnancy announcement

I think you've omitted loads of details to vent and get strangers to side with you.

By default I'm gonna have to say you are being unreasonable.

I'm assuming there's a MASSIVE chunk of information missing

However IF you are financially independent from your parents, financially safe, living separately from your parents and easily paying your own bills, have a good job and a supportive partner .....your Mother's reaction makes zero sense and could be cruel

As I say.....there is IMO bound to be a backstory which you've deliberately omitted

I am assuming you live with her? Then yes, she is very much affected by this.
If you don't live with her, she's a disgusted mum and someone I wouldn't really want to spend time with.

As others have said only reasons to have that reaction is if she is heavily involved with childcare, you live at home/have financial struggles or father is not a good partner.

Otherwise she is completely unreasonable and just ignore.

It’s significant that you’ve said nothing about your circumstances. Absolutely, your mother could have been kinder, but if this is a second unplanned pregnancy, you aren’t able to support another child, you’re living with them and/or rely heavily on them for childcare etc, I can see why she didn’t rise to the occasion. I mean, maybe she’s just negative, but maybe she has a point.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! How lovely for you, your DP and your existing child to have a sibling!

Your mum's reaction was really weird and horrible, she doesn't sound like a nice person, sorry.

Also, 27 isn't young to be having a baby - I'd actually say it's the perfect age x

@spicedapplestew - please note I said "sometimes" and that it can shock women - a feeling they weren't expecting that comes apparently out of nowhere. I've talked to friends who've admitted they felt this, at the same time as being really happy for their daughter. Humans are capable of having different & conflicting feelings.

Being replaced? We're not being replaced. In general grandchildren and expanding families just add richness to our life.

However, while I wouldn't react the way OP's mother has, I have a DD at home with disabilities. If she has a baby, I know I'm having a baby because a lot of responsibility and cost is going to fall on me. So I totally understand not being happy about it.

Whilst her reaction is unpleasant can I ask a couple of questions? Are you financially able to support another child (without using state help)? Has she even met your partner? Assuming not, how long have you been with him? Does she already help you out with childcare?….. a few other considerations here that whilst not excusing her reaction, may well explain it!

You don't talk about your first child's father nor the father of this second pregnancy. Are you earning? Have you been in training or education in order to support yourself? Do you still live at home?

If you're not married or in a long-tern partnership, still living at home and without further education, then I'm with your mother.

If you have a partner who is capable of supporting you and his child (children? same father/different father?) and you have plans for a life beyond simply reproducing, then yes, she is behaving very meanly.

(But sometimes women find the arrival of grandchildren shocks them by their visceral realisation of ageing and being replaced. Ageing isn't easy - wait till you get there.)

I’ve read your post a couple of times now and it does seem there is information missing - do you live with your parents? Do they support you? Do you work? Why did she previously suspect your pregnancy?

One thing that struck me is that you waited until 18 weeks to tell her - were you perhaps concerned that she would pressurise you into a termination?

On the face of it, your mother comes across as horrible, but it may be that she has reason to be concerned.

Meantime, I hope you have a smooth pregnancy and enjoy your little one when the time comes.

What a miserable woman your mother is, imagine being disappointed that your adult daughter is pregnant with your grandchild! I'm so sorry she has reacted in that way, I've never understood why other people express disappointment for someone else's pregnancy and babies are a gift and to be celebrated, I'd be furious if my mum had acted that way but she was happy for me even when I announced I was pregnant with my fourth!

Do you live with your mum? Does she help you with childcare?

I think OP not having come back this far in to say that she lives independently, doesn't take a cent off her parents and her mother doesn't do any childcare is telling.

I think it depends on whether you still live with your parents or are independent and have your own home and income? If you live with them their lives will be also be hugely impacted by the arrival of a new baby? Maybe they really struggled when this happened the first time around. You've not said what the living situation is or how old they are or whether you work and can provide for yourself and 2 kids? This might all be a factor in her reaction if for example she thinks her and your dad will have to pay out for it all if you are not independent? So without those details people shouldn't really judge her behaviour maybe as there might be other factors here? If you are independent and living either on your own if with your partner and paying your own way then yes she's unreasonable.

Context is needed.
Who do you live with? Because if you are still living with your parents and relying on then for childcare, I understand why your mum would react in that way.

Do you work and support yourself and your child 100% yourself? Is mum involved in childcare?

Yep!

I had my ds very young, stayed with my parents, i am very gratefulfor their support but my DM would make comments like this about loads of things, thankfully not just to me, so I knew it wasn't 'about me'.
Comments like the holiday would be said to hurt, especially as the 'event' had never been mentioned before, purely said to make you feel crap/unreasonable.
Now I'm around the age she was at the time, I do put a lot down to menopause and I can see that she really struggled, NEVER discussed. Her 'way' was the right/only way and tough bloody luck, nastiness was the response when you disagreed/upset her .

She may be worried about you and just not able to say that. I turned out really well but I can't ever recall dm saying well done/proud of you etc she seemed to revel in the negativity. I just switched off her comments cos it wasn't me, it WAS her.
Could you have an open conversation with her? Tell her you're 27, have thought it through, not taken lightly etc and her attitude hurts. My DM wouldn't have been able to, cos she had done nothing wrong in her eyes and you would be exaggerating etc...I do wish I had stood up and challenged her more but life would have been SO much harder.

Congratulations on your pregnancy x hope everything goes smoothly x

I am guessing you haven't been with your partner that long and don't even live with them for mum to be questioning who the dad is (even though she knows your 'seeing someone' - this sounds like casual dating rather than a serious relationship).
It is also unclear whether you live alone with your 5 year old or still with mum and dad. If mum and dad then a negative reaction is justified as a newborn will impact everyone in the household.

Also do you work? What hours? If they already look after the 5 year old after school then they might be worried they will be looking after the baby full time as nursery is expensive. Or else they might be concerned how you are funding this baby if you don't work and you are only 'seeing someone'.

How much does the 5 year olds dad contribute, financially and in time?

I think your mum's response could be fairly sensible if you do not have your own place or finances to support a baby.

i might be wrong but this reads as if it’s your first child and second child will have different fathers and you aren’t living or in a particularly long term relationship with current father? If that’s the case, as your mother I wouldn’t be thrilled either. I like to think I’d be a bit nicer about it though

I think it depends on circumstances. If she’s had to support you a lot which your first or she knows you aren’t coping / can’t afford it then I guess that’s why. Otherwise her reaction is not nice

It's a lot to take in if Granny knows she will be expected to help out.

Are you with the baby's dad? As in living together? Is it possible she's thinking it's another casual boyfriend that will leave you a single parent again? Perhaps she does alot of baby sitting already, and is worried she can't cope with 2?

Your daughter getting pregnant at 27 shouldn’t be ‘a lot to take in’. That’s a perfectly normal thing for a 27 year old to do. She sounds very emotionally stunted. Sorry op!