Bad reaction to pregnancy announcement

I went LC with my narcissistic, bully of a mother at your age and finally NC at 38. I wish I had the courage to go NC back then, just saying!

Extraordinary response from your mum. Is she judging because it's not your ds' father? Or is she just annoyed because she wants to go to Disney? Either way, horrible comments from her. Congratulations on the baby!

Hard to say.

On the one hand, the DM reacting that way to a marriage announcement from a friend suggests she might not do well with other people's good news.

On the other hand, there's a lot OP hasn't said here. And I've seen a lot of posts like this where it eventually transpired that the reason the DM was pissed off was because she knew full well that it was going to be made into her problem.

Could be some of both also.

Agree with this and similar comments. Too many unanswered questions. OP paints a picture of her mother being really nasty, and maybe she is, but we don't know all the circumstances. So can't judge.

Without context my family's reaction to my sister's second pregnancy would have looked bloody horrible.

Truth is after a few attempts to leave we finally got her out of an abusive relationship where he had begun to be violent towards baby DN. She then got pregnant by a new man just over a month after meeting him and it turns out he is almost as bad as the first man.

If she had to ask you if you know who the father is, I'm guessing your circumstances are less than ideal too.

There is virtually no information in the OP and she hasn’t returned so I assume she lives in her parent’s home and her mother is sick of being impacted by her irresponsible and selfish choices and is understandably furious. She appears to care about the existing child and is engaged with his upbringing.

This.

Though we were independent finacially and living in our own place married and not expecting any help with kids and evey pg someone or multiple someone have kicked off.

First one was MIL thinking she was too young to be a GM - DH was 31 - and then other family members had other reasons around pg annoucnmenet then last pg DH was made redundant late pg which apparently we should have forseen global recession and impact on new amercian owners of his company.

They've all been okay once kids were here.

If you need childcare help or live in their house her reactions more understanable because it will impact on her - probably more than your dad given how childcare expecatations often seems to work.

From what you’ve said it sounds as though she wanted you to get married first, have a stable him life and then have children. You’ve obviously not adhered to her idea of the ideal set up and so she’s disappointed.

Have you lent on her for money or childcare? Does she think that you having another child is at the detriment of her own life in some way?

My reading of this is that OP lives in her parents house. Tbh if she does and she has made the decision to get pregnant again, and I was her mum, I'd probably be furious too

Yes it's more about context OP. If my daughter was pregnant with a lovely husband, house and career, then I'd be happy for her.

If she was living on benefits with no job, financial or relationship security, and especially if I hadn't met the man, then I'd be pretty gutted for her because I'd feel she was missing out on the good life that I'd want for her.

Your mum (unless helping out with your 5 year old and thinks she will have an extra child to look after) has to piss on everyone else’s parade. She made up that she wanted to book Disney trip, to make you feel guilty that your 5 year old would miss out. She hates to see anyone happy and always tries to make the whole situation about her.

Well it’s hard to make a decision on whether she’s being unreasonable or not when the info is limited from you, OP. If you were in long term stable relationships both times you got pregnant, and you have the means to support yourself, your own home and not expecting childcare favours from your parents, then your mum is being awful.

However, if both relationships were very short/fwb/one night stands etc, you rely on financial support from your parents, live in their home, expect them to look after your children all day etc then I can understand her reaction.

Will never come

but I’d hedge a bet, our stingiest should very very much lie with the mother (and the u born child)

Waiting for the actual context of the mother's unhappiness with the news, and the massive drip feed.

My dd is 27. She lives half at home and half with her boyfriend - a lovely young man of 29, and fully qualified in one of the professions.

DD starts a new job in September. She's a secondary school teacher. She's wondering whether she's ready to settle down.

If she told me tonight she was 18 weeks pregnant, I'd be sad for her and I'd struggle not to show it. It would mean single parenthood or potentially "settling" with someone she's not convinced is "the one".

I imagine the op's circumstances are not comparable. I can understand her mother's perspective and I also imagine her mother has done far more for her already than I would ever want to do.

Hopefully the op will be back to tell us her partner is a stable chap with a good job, savings and they are buying a house together. Also a bit about her own career where she had enhanced maternity pay and can take the whole year off and their little family unit is entirely independent.

Just ‘helping with childcare’ alone doesn't really justify that reaction?

I know some couples who are married, well into their 30s, very stable etc who have ongoing grandparent help with childcare every week in order to work. They have all gone on to have a second and as far as I know none of their families reacted like this.

im guessing there’s more to the story. Do you live with your parents OP?

It's difficult to know how to respond to your choice in the votes without more background. What "reasons" might she have to "lash out"? What "concerns" does she have? Why was it so hard to decide whether you would keep the pregnancy?

It's not ablest to not be happy about someone else making decisions for your life.

There must be more to it?

Is it the same dad as before? Are you able to support another child financially? Is it a committed relationship? Are you living independently?

If it’s a no to any of these, she might be worried about you. A baby is not always a blessing if the circumstances aren’t right.

This is all very one sided, from what you’ve said she sounds awful. But I’m assuming she has some grounds for her reaction, unless she’s just plain vile.

Have you been with the father long?
Is he a good, solid, man who will be a good Dad?
Is he a different Father to your first child?
Do you support yourself?
Do you rely on her help with childcare?
Do you rely on her help financially?
Will you be living with the new bloke?
If no, is she worried you will be a single mum to two kids at 27?
Did you cope well when you had your first baby?
Did you manage the first pregnancy and birth well?
Was the baby planned?

She obviously has huge reservations about this child, but you haven’t alluded to at all as to what they might be.

Not enough info here. Obviously her reaction was unsupportive, but how long have you been with partner, do you live together ? Are you working ? How much do you rely on your parents for childcare and financially ?

Are you in a suitable position to support another child? Stable home and relationship, no financial or childcare issues, will you be relying on her heavily for help? That’s the only thing I can think which might explain her response, you said you were 21 when having your first and perhaps she sees your decisions as still being irresponsible? A baby is always a blessing, congratulations!

How is it ablest?!

Yes, it's very possible to know you love your child and the grandchild but also think, "Oh no, I'm so tired already, I have a full plate already, I'm already financially stretched, I don't want this for my life." I'd think that if I found myself pregnant, all the while knowing I wouldn't be without the baby once it's there.

Me too. You don’t have to be delighted at baby news if the situation is shit; no father, no job, no home, no way of supporting yourself. That isn’t good news for anyone, least of all the baby itself.