Bad reaction to pregnancy announcement

My God. What a beatch of a midwife!
Im gobsmacked
Unbelievable, and frankly if you hadn't been so blown away youd likely have torn a strip thru her bossss

My mother is just like this,whatever is happening she has it worse. However ill someone is,she is worse. Scoffs at you when you pass exams,tests etc., I believe its called narcisism,but in OPs case we def need more info to decide as there are two sides to most things

That's an interesting perspective @Digdongdoo and could well be the case but it's also possible that we've got an overbearing controlling mother situation. Things like applying for school places isn't the mother's job!
Either way, the response isn't great for the OP to hear. I wonder if it is actually the mother thinking 'oh no, here we go again, she's going to assume I'll drop everything or she's going to move back in again.'
Maybe it's the catalyst to become more independent and reduce the amount that the OPs mother does.

There’s no context that makes this response ok. She is allowed to have concerns or reservations depending on your situation but that doesn’t make her reaction normal. The fact you knew and predicted this reaction is the most telling. She clearly has issues and sounds like a narcissistic mother.

That's just a really long way of saying OP needn't take any responsibility for her irresponsible choices. She's a full grown adult, absolutely nothing is stopping her from planning her family properly or paying for childcare. "Oh woe is me, my mum wont stop saving me thousands of pounds a year, I am such a victim now that she's not thrilled about doing it all over again"

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm sorry that your mother has marred things for you.
Your mother sounds to be riding roughshod over you and your ability to be independent. Right from you growing up and not teaching you life skills, to now excluding you from parenting your child, and telling you off as though you are still a child who can't run their life. What she said about 'you'd better not be etc etc' is way out of line, especially when you're closer to 30 than 20!!!
It all smacks of her needing to be in charge, and I wonder how much of her 'helping' is so she gets bragging rights about how much you rely on her etc etc
Start to explore the idea of her being less involved with you and your family, especially if you are going to be living with your new baby's father. You might find it helpful to read the Stately Homes thread too, as much of what you write sounds like a narcissistic person.

Excellent points. The first son isn't being considered much.just a mention that he will enjoy having a half sibling.

Nothing about being made to live with a man he doesn't know.

Your mother will be happier if you set up home together. She'll come round when you have the baby but I do understand her misgivings.

I wish you success with the relationship and congratulations on your pregnancy, hope all goes well.

You’re right no I wouldn’t be happy, but I guess not much she can do about it other than cause a rift between her and her daughter and no grandchildren. Life’s to short, tell her your disappointment but move on and support.

Of course I have, and myself and my friends are going through it right now. We're in our 50s. It doesn't turn you into an idiot or horrible person. While it can make you more emotional, it's not an excuse to not have self control and thoughtfulness. It also doesn't change that it's reasonable to not be happy your unmarried child is having another child for you to have substantial responsibility for.

In my opinion when people are not happy for you especially their own daughter is because they are portraying their own issues.
congratulations and good luck x

Menopause or not, would you honestly be happy if your daughter kept having children with different men who she wasn't in a proper settled relationship with? And if you'd of previously ended up picking up all the slack with the previous child and didn't really want to do it again?

Have you been around someone going through it, I have! My own mother, she used to react to the smallest of things, was irrational and would have crazy outbursts over the smallest things. I wouldn’t say it’s only the menopause but I would say the reaction could be something to do with it.

To be honest id think she's concerned that you are having a baby whilst not in a secure relationship with your boyfriend. You've said you don't currently live with the father. I suspect she thinks you'll not cope with a second child and will end up with her helping you out again as she did with your first child. Having two children while not in settled relationships is a worry as the father doesn't have to step up and you could end up a single parent again. Perhaps she's worried about the impact on your career and finances etc.

I really don't think menopause accounts for her feelings about this.

How old is your mum? Could it be the menopause?

Did OP ever come back and and actually answer any of these questions?

If my nearly 30 year old had achieved absolutely fuck all in life other than get knocked up twice by two different blokes - yeah, I would feel bitterly disappointed.

I think it could be from an older generation tbh - I could imagine my mother saying something similar if we hadn't been in a strong place when DS1 proved he was on his way.

Even our Doctor - 65+yo when we went to see her and told her that DP was pregnant her first question was 'Is this good news?' before she went any further and our midwife - who was an absolute cow - was asking about family history etc for DW and I asked as the father are you interested in my family medical history 'Not really, we can't really be sure you are father so we don't bother', which seemed a bit harsh and that was only 20years ago.

It’s not a ‘congratulations’ situation in the context of OP’s personal finances, earning ability and relationship duration and status.

I am a ‘boomer’ thanks and very upbeat and happy when I hear good news. I think that unfortunately across all generations you get either radiators or drains in life and we all try desperately to avoid the drains or mood hoovers. It’s just not so easy when you are related to one! OP needs to create more boundaries- easier said than done I know.

No her parents have not met him . They didn’t even know he existed yet op sees her mum regularly. As for her son , the usual consensus on here is to put the child first and not even introduce him to her boyfriend for at least a year or so . But then surely her mum would know about him . So it seems she’s now house hunting together with the boyfriend and will live with him and her son when her son possible hasn’t even met him . Op isn’t answering these questions.

This. The OP has vague plans involving the new partner. I wonder if they will come to fruition?

The "ooh a baby, congratulations" crowd are out in full force with the usual lack of thought about the likely harsh realities.

Have your parents even met the babies father? Does he have a good relationship with your son?

I'd just straight up ask her what her problem is as it should be one of the happiest times of your life, it's not like you're 16.

I came back from living in Luxembourg when I was 20. I already hsd a daughter who was only a few months old.
I went to live with my mum until I could be housed.
My sister asked me to go out with her one evening, so I asked my mum to have my daughter. The venom in her voice was cutting when she said you better not come home pregnant. If you do, you better get rid of it.
Unbeknown to me at the time, I was already pregnant and a few months down the line found out that in fact I was pregnant ( by the same dad). Unfortunately, the baby suffered diaphragmatic hernia.
I had to go to hospital for tests and I lost her at 29 weeks. I didn't dare tell my parents, so kept it to myself for years unti I had a total mental breakdown.
When i finally told my parents, my dad asked why I didn't say anything. My response was what my mother had said all those years before.
That is the first and only time I have seen my dad cry... no emotion from my mother.
I totally understand why you are upset. To this day, it upsets me and it is 33 years this year