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Original poster

Physical descriptions in the office, a No-Go?

33 replies

wand3rer · 04/07/2025 01:16

Bit of an odd one. I’ve been out of the corporate world for over a decade and a lot has changed 😁

My issue is that I’m awful at remembering names, which makes it tricky to refer to someone I’ve just chatted with. I’m usually fine once I’ve seen names around on Teams or in emails. But, early on, I sometimes have to describe people and I’m unsure what is considered okay these days.

For example, the last time I said “a lady who is a little shorter than me with curly hair”. The reaction I got was a bit stiff as if I’d said something off. Just to be clear, the lady was white (I didn't mean afro hair or anything culturally specific).

It made me wonder... Are we avoiding physical descriptions altogether now? What is the right way to handle this? 🙏

  • Unreasonable: don't use any physical description
  • Reasonable: physical descriptors are fine as long as not loaded with negative or biased undertones
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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:52

Thanks, everyone!

I’ve been identified by one of my physical features my whole life. Never really thought much of it, but I’m trying to stay mindful that times are changing.

Loved hearing all your perspectives 🙏

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:51

@NotSmallButFunSize
I had a similar thing happen a few years back when I started a new sport, trying to find the person in charge. I was told to look for “a tall guy with black hair.” There were eight of them. The person I was meant to find was the only Black person at the club. Would’ve been way easier to just say that! 😁

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:44

Ponoka7 · 04/07/2025 12:54

Associate physical appearance with names, run a poem etc in your head, or find a strategy that works. So she would have been curly sue, another tall Henry etc. Or sing a song, you see them in blue you sing bowie's blue blue Lisa blue etc.

Such a good trick! 😁

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:43

@EnchantedEvidence
I’ll definitely suggest that! 😊

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:42

@Dozer @InWalksBarberalla @Fratolish
In a different setup, mentioning someone’s job title might help identify them. But in this case, they all do the exact same thing as part of one big team. Around 40–50 people across different shifts 😇

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:40

Cutleryclaire · 04/07/2025 12:38

Many years ago, as a new member of staff who didn’t know who someone was by name was told to look for ‘the man who looks like an aging darts player’. I knew exactly who that was!

😂

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 23:40

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda
Will do 😅

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NotSmallButFunSize · 04/07/2025 13:19

I can't imagine giving a shit about any of this - it's not like you said "that fat ugly woman"

I don't even see the issue with describing someone like "the black guy at the end desk" - I read a story where someone described their new boyfriend to a friend as "the black guy at the bar" (they were meeting him there and he had arrived first). The friend was horrified, the girlfriend told him and he said "it's ok love, I am aware I am black" 😂

Wouldn't bother me at all to be "the white woman" if this was the most defining feature about me in that particular situation - I am one!

Ponoka7 · 04/07/2025 12:54

Associate physical appearance with names, run a poem etc in your head, or find a strategy that works. So she would have been curly sue, another tall Henry etc. Or sing a song, you see them in blue you sing bowie's blue blue Lisa blue etc.

Fratolish · 04/07/2025 12:50

Their reaction was probably a bit off as it's odd to describe someone in that way in a work context I think. You would usually know their team or work area if you didn't know their name and use that to describe them surely?

EnchantedEvidence · 04/07/2025 12:50

At my workplace we have a wall with a picture of everyone on, when I was new I’d look at that to find names.

InWalksBarberalla · 04/07/2025 12:47

I've never heard anyone give a physical description of someone in the workplace and would find it strange. And people forgot names often - its a big workplace - we just refer to the team /subject matter and someone may know or suggest an alternate contact.

Dozer · 04/07/2025 12:39

Try better tactics to remember names. Eg find a reason to write their name and role down, eg ‘in case I need to email you’. If you’re put on the spot, say you can’t remember the name and identify them by their job or team.

Cutleryclaire · 04/07/2025 12:38

Many years ago, as a new member of staff who didn’t know who someone was by name was told to look for ‘the man who looks like an aging darts player’. I knew exactly who that was!

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 04/07/2025 12:35

Blimey. Your description sounds about as neutral as it gets given the context provided, OP. I'm crap with names too, but in this scenario I'd make an extra effort to try to learn them double quick.

Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 12:32

@DailyEnergyCrisis
Yes, I do see now how easily it can become awkward 😬 It's probably safer to focus on remembering names, what someone was wearing, or where they were sitting, rather than stressing about crossing a line. I'll try (harder)!

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DailyEnergyCrisis · 04/07/2025 03:44

I’d make more effort to remember names. If someone introduces themselves to me I mentally repeat their name a few times and try to use it verbally shortly after to commit it to memory. I think this is more professional than descriptions which people may misrepresent “oh I don’t know who the short, curly one is- do you Bob?’

Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:40

@coxesorangepippin
Well noted 😊

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:39

@fount
No shortage of weird people indeed 😁 I should do more observing (and less talking) until I get a better sense of how things work

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:38

@GarlicMetre
Could be! I’ll stick with gender-neutral terms like “person” 🙏

I really dislike when women are called “girls” in the office. I didn’t realise “ladies” could feel similar to some.

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coxesorangepippin · 04/07/2025 03:38

Don't use physical descriptions

Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:36

@B1anche
It can be tricky, for sure. I felt saying “a little shorter than me” was softer than just saying “short". She was actually a good head shorter 😁

Referring to where people sit is a great shout 👍

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:35

@Brightasarainbow
Yes, fair point about visible disabilities!

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:34

@ByLimeAnt
While I’m quite good with voices, describing them isn’t easy and it might open another can of worms. For example, I absolutely love a deep voice on a woman but some might not like that description. And don’t get me started on accents 😇

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Original poster
wand3rer · 04/07/2025 03:33

@ByLimeAnt @Brightasarainbow
I'm not very observant when it comes to people 😬 But I’ll keep your advice in mind and will try to pay more attention to clothes so I can use them as descriptors 👍

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