What would you think if a BF said this?

In the bed next to me while I was trying to sleep would be weird but if he went to another room I’d be fine. Dh and I both know the other masterbates it’s totally normal, but we don’t tend to do it in front of each other (unless part of sex. )
If he said it and was looking at you for a reaction and didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving I can see why you might feel like he was trying to change your mind but if he had moved away and said it while getting up I’d just take it as he wanted a orgasim and you didn’t. Both are valid.

I think it depends on how he said it. If he was all ‘ok no problem, I’ll sort myself out’, then that’s fine. If he said it like ‘ugh, fine, I guess I’ll sort myself out then’, then no that’s not ok.

You'd have someone masturbate next to you in bed? (While you were sleeping, reading a book etc). OK now that is weird and kindof gross. * *

I'd be glad. If he has form form for being an aresehole though, it could mean he's trying to be manipulative, make you feel bad or "jealous". Personally someone needing to announce it would give me a bit of the ick

I felt awkward waiting for him to come back to bed

You expect him to leave the bed to masturbate elsewhere other than his own bed? You really have control issues and issues to do with sex. And this is 2025, not the 1940s, mind you. I suggest you get therapy, and I mean that kindly. Your poor husband! I am getting an image of Hyacinth Bucket and your husband being Richard.

You don't know much about the male sex of the species, do you. Men can't just 'wait' until next time. Ever heard of blue balls? It's not just an excuse from men, google it. They need to masturbate.

No. I wait till the next day or go out the room.

if op doesn’t want him having a wank next to her she’s valid to feel that way and for him to do it elsewhere

I'm quite prudish in many ways, I'd probably rather not know if he did masturbate to be honest. I felt awkward waiting for him to come back to bed

But why can't he have a wank lying next to you? Isn't that what you do?

I think it really depends on how it’s being said - I was in a very controlling relationship where this was used to make me pressured into sleeping with him. Now with my current partner if he said this it would be in a more healthy honest sense of - you know what I am horny I’ll do it myself this has only ever happened a few times and it has been when I am then going out / sleep not so that he has just done it in front of me as such but I think it totally depends on the context and if you have had a controlling relationship in the past it can take a while to get used to things and see them as face value. So I do really hope you’re okay and it’s definitely okay to question something based on how it made you feel.

Controlling ? I don't think so.Get a grip of yourselves OPs . I'd be saying 'don't make too much noise then'
Why are respondents so quick to judge on here ? And yes, I do know I'm judging too......

I’d probably be a bit annoyed.

It wouldn't bother me at all. I might watch.

Right so you don’t want sex which is fine and your right to say no. However you also don’t want him to self pleasure and have an orgasm unless you’re also in the mood however you also say you have no sex drive..

YANBU

Depending on the tone it was said, it comes across as sulky and that he just wanted to use your body for pleasure, now he has the hump that he has to do it himself.

So yeah, I'd be turned off too.

If it was said in a jokey way and not a sex pest way, then I'd be fine with it.

I get it, OP. I understand the surprise and the awkwardness.

Wouldn’t both me at all. In fact I’d probably watch

I'm honestly surprised by you being in peri and never coming sorry for the pun 🫣 across this before , I thought you sounded quite young.

I’d say it’s a win-win for both? I’m guessing you wanted to get what you want but you’re not happy he’s in control of his own body and allowing himself to get what he wants without bothering you? You wanted him to wait until you were ready on another day? That’s not allowing him to touch his own body, very controlling.

He's not pressuring you to have sex after you've said no, so I wouldn't have a problem with it. Though I might ask him not to keep me awake.

You’re being controlling. A man posting about being disgusted by his female partner wanting to masturbate would be ripped apart.

I’d find this odd tbh. Lying in bed trying to sleep while he’s getting himself off- it’s a bit cringe. While it’s perfectly natural I consider it a private thing to do!!

Surely it can be both? He can have a wank now, and want to have sex with you when you’re in the mood.

You need to work through the feeling pressured with yourself, and why you’d automatically feel that. Poor experiences with sexual partners in the past who did try to manipulate you into sex? Unless he’s tried to pressure you, he isn’t them. Think of it like wanting to do anything else but your partner wanting the mood - you’d probably go out and do it on your own, or find a friend.