What would you think if a BF said this?

Yes me too. I don’t understand the issue 🤷‍♀️

Genuinely amazed that there are women who find the whole notion of male masturbation gross and weird and ‘would rather not know about it’. What’s the problem with it?!

I’d think he was a wanker.

I’ll get my coat ….. 😁

I think the principle of it is fine (why shouldn't he sort himself out).

However, I think my reaction would depend on tone.

Positive tone, "Ahh, don't worry about it, I can see you're tired, I'll sort myself out" = OK.

Negative tone, "FINE, I'll have to sort myself out then" = not OK/manipulative/puts the pressure on.

Id think it's weird of him to tell me instead of just buggering off to the bathroom and he'd better clean up after himself in there.

I wouldn’t like it much either but I think it depends on the tone and context. If it’s said with a sigh or in annoyance I can understand how it would feel pressuring. It’s like you’ve frustrated him and his horniness is your responsibility. If it was said in a kind of caring “it’s ok, I understand, I don’t mind sorting myself out” way then I think that would come across much nicer and more understanding.

I had a BF who would say he’d sort himself out in annoyance or specifically tell me he was going for a wank. I am not against masturbation at all, but when it’s used almost as a threat it made me feel inadequate and objectified. Really turned me off and then we had even less sex. So when you say I felt awkward waiting for him to come back to bed I would’ve felt the same.

I read a really good book that changed my sex life called Mind The Gap - The Truth About Desire by Karen Gurney. It’s about how female desire differs from men - how a low sex drive is actually just a difference in desire, and basically what you can do about it. It was really validating and made me feel like there isn’t something wrong with me. My boyfriend was a bit resistant at first but then realised that going along with everything would mean I’d feel less pressured and we’d have more sex, which is what he wanted. However, he is a nice guy and the previous one who used masturbation as a threat didn’t have a good attitude generally (so the book wouldn’t have helped much as I just didn’t really like him in the end)

Some people are very comfortable talking openly about sex and masturbation and don’t shy away from it. OP is clearly not one of those people, but it seems her partner is. Neither of them are wrong, but it doesn’t make it “pressure” for one person to be happy being open that they wank sometimes when sex isn’t in the cards. Some people don’t see sex as some special and sacred thing which means settling for a cuddle only with partner until such a time they’re wanting to do the sacred act. It’s just sex, masturbation, bodies.

I wouldn’t masturbate in bed next a parter who found that a bit weird (though I’ve never met one who had a problem with it) but I wouldn’t be in a relationship where I wasn’t allowed to touch my own body when I wanted to and was expected just to be content with a nice cuddle until my partner was in the mood!

Good lord, you have been fooled! 🤣 Do you believe the Earth is flat too??!

Oh come on! As the saying goes; 98% of men masturbate, 2% are liars.

Not all men DO masturbate. Nor is it a need that they need to announce. I think the OP has had a hard time (‘scuse the pun) about this as I feel a grown ass adult should be able to not have to announce their intention to masturbate as a response to being declined sex. It would feel like pressure or at least a kind of voiced disappointment in you as a sex partner… rather than just giving you a cuddle and waiting until next time when you were happy to have sex. As for those who merrily bang one out lying next to their partner?!? wtf? Unless mutual masterbation is part of sex, it should be a solo and private activity. Bed is fine if alone- but bathroom if others are around. It’s not like reading a book or watching tv before bed!

All men wank. If you’re going to get upset about it, you’re in for a difficult life relationship wise.

If it was said in a sulky, petulant then I can see why you might interpret it as pressure to have sex. Otherwise I’d have no problem with it.

No one has said anyone should do anything they are just options. Masturbation isn't always a viable option for everyone.

Did it feel like he was saying it passively aggressively? As you've mentioned feeling pressured.
Was he moody about it?

If I man is feeling pain he could also take some paracetamol or use heat/or cold temperature to ease the pain. Warm bath plenty of options.

Why on gods earth should he do all/any of that, particularly take painkillers when a wank will make it go away? And give him a good sleep to boot? Masturbating is HEALTHY, it's good for your health, doctors have said this.

Many men report not feeling a single bit of discomfort. Some report a fleeting moment of tension. Everyone's body is different and will obviously vary but I would say we have to keep in mind that it's quite a convenient myth to keep alive. I think the key thing here is wanting is very different than needing. If I man is feeling pain he could also take some paracetamol or use heat/or cold temperature to ease the pain. Warm bath plenty of options.

I’ve felt this as a woman. I messaged my husband once saying I was I was so turned on and horny my vagina was literally in pain. It’s happened a couple of times.

I’ve said the same to my husband!
Either because he wasn’t up for it or when sex hasn’t gone to plan for me. It’s not a big deal. He was horny you weren’t.

I’m with you op, I’m a bit prudish too. I’m aware that most men will wank but it’s not really necessary to say that you are going to knock one out. I’d be surprised if someone mastrubated in bed beside me as would expect them to seek out privacy/ go for a shower or something.

Yanbu, whilst he's free to do what he wants with his body he didn't need to say it to you, he should have just taken himself off to do it. I'd have not waited for him to come to bed either, I'd have been straight off to sleep.

I think it depends on how it was suggested. Do you think it was said to pressure you into backing down?
Or could it have been said in a way that meant he was OK with you saying no but was still gonna need it himself?
That would make a difference to me. Personally I'd have said ok , crack on.mate!

I think you're very valid in how you feel op. I would trust your gut. What's needed is some further investigating for you in why this is causing you to feel unease. There could be lots of context here that none of us are aware of. You can set your own boundaries within your relationship. So just because other people in their relationships would find it fine doesn't mean you have to feel the same op.

Perhaps sit and imagine your ideal scenario. What that would of looked like and felt like.

Would you feel comfortable enough to have a conversation with your partner about this? Do they have the skills to hear you and understand your view point even if they don't necessarily agree?

No it is not a myth. Google it. They experience tension and pain. Sure, they won't die or anything. But it's preferable for them to have that release. It does cause pain. Better off not doing something that will cause you pain and discomfort.

This is a boyfriend, not husband.
How long have they been together?
What's the sex talk like? ie how open?
Whose bed/house? Living together?

I'll sort myself is weird to say, and the, or I won't sleep is a bit 🙄
A more discreet, I'm going to take a shower before bed, would be better.

Blue balls is a myth. Men are quite capable of having an erection even participating in foreplay right up to near orgasm then stopping and going to sleep. They don't need to masturbate.

They are very much in control of their bodies and when they orgasm. They absolutely can wait till the next time. The body easily re absorbs sperm and creates fresh.

Sounds like he took himself off to another room(bathroom?). If he was already 'rising to occasion' then yeah, it's kind of better to finish the process. As long as it wasn't said in a snidey way - depends on your relationship I suppose.
As long as he didn't go off to the kitchen 🤔🙂