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AIBU?

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Have I torched everything?

107 replies

TipsyPlumUser · 03/07/2025 17:03

I went out last night without my partner for the first time in our 2 year relationship. I haven’t got any friends due to a past abusive relationship.

my partner goes out regularly and has many friends. He’s even gone out today after work and is expected home late.

it felt big for me to get invited out with my work colleagues because I don’t socialise unless it’s with my partner and people he knows.

He needed a lot of reassurance when I went out. I said I expected I’d have two drinks and be home by 8. I had four drinks and was home by 9.

i kept in touch while I was out and he seemed ok but did start asking if id be back to put my daughter to bed at 7.

he was very upset with me when i got home. I asked him to consider that I never go out and was only an hour later plus I’d told him what I was doing.

he said I’d also really upset my daughter by not being there.

I first tried to plead about the fact I don’t go out and I thought he could let me off but he kept on. I admit I did call him a 🍆 and shouted at him. I’m not proud of myself for that. He kept on having a go so I poured a wine and he said ‘of course you’re going to have another drink,’ he was drinking btw.

He wouldn’t back down and I said it reminds me a lot of the control I experienced in the past and in a moment on anger and being drunk, I took my engagement ring off.

He hasn’t spoken to me since and went off to London today. He texted me saying he didn’t appreciate me shouting or being called a 🍆 and that he’s right to be mad at me.

Am I being dense because. I can’t see what I did wrong besides lose my 💩 and call him a 🍆- which I have already apologised for.

OP posts:
BotterMon · 03/07/2025 17:10

LTB as quickly as you can. Thank goodness you haven't married him yet.

Augarden · 03/07/2025 17:10

OP, this is absolutely not ok. A loving partner does not try to control your life and stop you ever going out. Perhaps he will apologise later, but I implore you not to ignore this enormous warning sign. Do not marry this man!!

FlowersandElephants · 03/07/2025 17:09

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. He’s controlling and unfortunately you’re in another abusive relationship.

neverbeenskiing · 03/07/2025 17:08

Firstly, we're all adults it's ok to type the word dick.

Secondly, you're a grown woman. You don't need his permission to go out and nor should he need "reassurance" about you going out. The fact that you felt you had to placate him by promising to be home ridiculously early and promising to only have one drink shows the extent to which you're controlled by him. This is not normal, or ok.

Shouting and swearing at your partner isn't ok, but I do think there was a level of provocation here and he wanted you to lose your shit so he can play the victim and discourage you from socialising without him again.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/07/2025 17:07

You did nothing wrong. He was being a controlling prick. Let him keep your engagement ring and get rid. Things will only get worse.

Just1712 · 03/07/2025 17:07

He is controlling you OP! and that is just not ok. I could not be with someone who needed "reassurance" before I went out, who controlled my drinks and my time to come home. I would end this relationship.

ItDoesntHaveToBeASnowman · 03/07/2025 17:06

Don’t put your engagement ring back on. Would be my advice.