Have I torched everything?

Run and don't look back. You told him you would't be back till 8. and he then started asking if you'd be back by 7 to put your daughter to bed. An hour earlier than the original plan, beforee you stayed out longer. Which BTW is perfectly acceptable!

He's raising red flags all over the shop at this point.

You've gone from one abusive relationship into another.

If you marry this man, this is what the rest of your life will be.

You have, sadly, gone from one abusive relationship to another.

Exactly this. I went out straight from work (lunchtime) last Friday as it was end of term. Told DH the rough plan and said I hadn’t decided how long I would stay but I probably wouldn’t be home to do bedtime. And he said “ok enjoy yourself, I’ll see you when you get home. My dad says if you want a lift home just give him a call”

This. Don't fool yourself.

DP went out last Saturday. I didn't know who with, or where, or what time she'd be home**. I told her to have a good night, and then when she came back, asked her if she'd enjoyed herself. No questioning, no "worrying", no judging, no controlling. Just a genuine desire for her to go out and enjoy herself. That's how relationships should work @TipsyPlumUser , not whatever the hell your dickhead of a partner is trying to pull.

**Probably not because she hadn't told me, much more likely that I hadn't listened, or not retained the information in my brain for more than 5 minutes.

He is a controlling and gaslighting abuser. Please find a way out of this relationship for you and your daughter

You've walked into another abusive relationship. I'd be telling him to fuck off out of my life.

He is saying “listen”. He means “obey”

I'm going out tomorrow night. With a load of blokes I used to work with. The only thing my husband has said about it is that he will do something nice with the kids, maybe take them out for a meal, and keep them quiet in the morning in case I'm not feeling amazing. That's what a normal healthy relationship looks like

More red flags here than a communist parade 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩

I don't think there is one person on here who thinks.you are in the wrong / should apologise / are the arsehole

This is a pivotal moment and you need to decide whether you want to sign up for control and misery or whether you want to cut this guy lose and live a good life.

Your update just confirms what everyone is saying. He's abusive. After the occasional arguments DH and I have had, we say sorry and all goes back to normal - no counter accusations and dragging out what each did wrong and why an apology is needed. Sometimes we don't even mention it again, just get on with life. You NEED to "torch this".

Don't worry about torching this relationship Op, it needs to be over anyway. He goes out often, he stays out late, you go out once and he can't deal with that, he's another control freak Op. He didn't expect you to shout, he expected apologies and promises not to go out again.
Save yourself Op, you got away from your abuser, do it again now

The OP refers to partner and "my daughter" so we are assuming partner is not the child's dad.

I'm joining in with the chorus that you're in another controlling and abusive relationship. You should leave him.

@TheWonderhorse Wasn't he looking after their child? He was not baby-sitting for a third party was he?

So only he’s allowed out to enjoy himself? You have to be timed like a teenager and get a telling off for being an hour over your curfew? He’s a controlling dick.

He sounds like a dick and was massively in the wrong but there is no way on this planet I would let a man I’d been going out with for 2 years put my daughter to bed or be alone with her. You really just never know.

Calling him an aubergine that proper made me laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣

He doesn't need it explaining, he knows exactly what he's doing - it's a feature, not a bug.

He is abusive, he's making you feel this way on purpose, he's not going to suddenly realise he's an arsehole and turn into prince charming. (and if he appears to, it's lovebombing, it's not real)

He knows what your past relationship has made you vulnerable to and is exploiting it. He's misjudged how strong you are though, and he's shown you the real him too soon. Don't put that ring back on, kick him out, and thank your lucky stars you got rid of him before you got married.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Predictable script of an abusive controller

Totally agree with PP - he’s gaslighting you. Probably realised he acted like a total idiot and is now rewriting history so you’re the bad guy. Luckily, you know you’re not. You have done nothing wrong apart from call him a few names when he made you feel bad. Please tell him you’re not stupid and you see exactly what he’s trying to do. Remind him that you apologised for the name calling and you’re still waiting for his apology for using emotional manipulation to guilt you into coming home/staying home.

This relationship sounds like an absolute joke.

What do you actually get out of it

So he’s now gaslighting you into thinking that you, being annoyed at him, being controlling last night, is your fault? OP you need to use your previous experience to see the wood for the trees in this relationship. The fact that you’ve posted indicates you already know this.

you’ve not been out for 2 years. His reaction to you being an hour late in a healthy relationship would be “no problem, I’m really glad you had a good night!” .
He must have already known he’d be doing the bedtime routine before you went out. You had prearranged to come home at 8 and he contacted you wanting you to come back at 7 is already controlling unless your daughter was having some sort of medical episode. If he has been in your daughter’s life for 2 years and you are engaged to be married, there should be no issue in him occasionally helping with childcare while you have a social life.
Get out now OP.