To think being a realist is often mistaken for being negative?

It’s the whole glass half empty or glass half full scenario.

Reality can be two very different things depending on your outlook and beliefs on life 🤷‍♀️

I have a tactic for people like this - there's a degree of it just wanting to be contrary, so I'll do it to them:

'You won't be able to do this by Wednesday' or 'I don't think you'll be able to do it by Wednesday'

I actually want it by Friday.

Then they'll say 'hmm no but I think Friday is more realistic'.

I think there has been some research done to show that pessimists are actually more realistic, ie accurate, then optimists...

This shows pessimists are more intelligent.. https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/optimistic-thinking-linked-with-lower-cognitive-abilities-new-research/#:~:text=Research%20from%20the%20University%20of%20Bath%20shows,pessimistic%20in%20their%20expectations%20about%20the%20future.

In my experience pessimists like to refer to themselves as realists.

You would annoy me, as well. I can't stand it when people are always pointing out ways that things could go wrong.

Depends what you mean by realist/optimist/pessimist I guess.

For example , let’s say someone gets scammed in a pretty straightforward way.

Realist: ring the bank, provide as much detail as possible, as honest as you can. Ask for help. They might help, but keep in mind you might not get your money back.

Pessimist: what’s the point in ringing them? They’ll just laugh at you, if you even manage to get through. They’ll just think you’re stupid and it’s not their problem and fob you off.

Optimist: Ring the bank, of course they’ll refund all the money to you right away! They have to help!

That's my experience. It's a necessary evil to get you through the day/week/term/year when you have little control over anything. School staff have a quiet moan to each other about in the staffroom now and again about some shitty "initiative" the head wants to bring in but which they've seen fail 10 years earlier etc etc or some other latest trend which will be changed to something else next year, which you know will be detrimental to the staff's wellbeing, be a complete waste of time and ultimately be bad for the child's educational experience.

But for your "school persona", you have to put on your game face. No-one speaks their true mind. It's kind of an acknowledged phenomenon in education. It's a type of Stockholm syndrome. We all know we're all stuck here in this shit pretending everything's ok, we may as well act like it is, maybe we'll eventually believe it is.

A few years ago I would have thought this. But I've come to realise over the last few years at work that sometimes it's better to not always voice your thoughts as even a bit of negativity can spread easily and bring team morale down just at the worst time. My boss at work is very good at hiding her true feelings and putting a positive spin on things when her staff really need to hear that things will be ok. That's exactly the sort of person you need leading a team when the shit is truly hitting the fan. It's quite a skill to able to have empathy with staff over how difficult things are for everyone, themselves included, and to make sure that difficulties are acknowledged but to also give off the air of "come on, we can do this, people! Once X is done, we only have Y left and soon we'll have achieved Z and it'll be an amazing feeling."

Even though people listening may be doubting how smoothly things are going to go, sometimes you really NEED to hear that positivity.

I don't know.

But I do know that most people I know who come across as pretty miserable about things in general will often say they're a realist.

So ime I'd say pessimists often mistake their negative views as "realism".

Anyone familiar with the saga of Doncaster Sheffield Airport (DSA) will know that it has been closed for more than 2 1/2 years and there is a campaign to get it reopened. The Save DSA folks have a Facebook page where all - AFAIK - are free to pass comment and ask questions. Provided they are of a supportive nature. If you dare to sound a note of caution, admit to a lack of confidence in the reopening or offer an alternative viewpoint, you are branded negative or a supporter or executive at a neighbouring airport. The only saving grace is that such posts do get posted - they're not censored by some blinkered moderator.

I’m very optimistic and believe that a positive mindset helps make things happen. I’m probably deluded about an awful lot, but life is more enjoyable deluded than it is being overly realist / aware of the negative (which is what I used to be, so this is not a hypothetical comparison).

I'm pessimistic. This means that I'm rarely disappointed and my life is full of pleasant surprises. As a result I'm happier and more cheerful than many who consider themselves positive.

Are you being ‘real’ to her while she’s being positive, though? And are these things that she’s asked for your input on?

I totally get this. I think of myself as realist. While I would say I'm a total pessimist,I do try to be prepared for the worst whilst being prepared for the worst. I have one friend who insists on being relentlessly optimistic and she gets irritated by me being negative. She doesn't seem to get that it's OK to prepared for the worst sometimes.

I don't sugarcoat often translates as I enjoy bursting people's bubbles and kicking them when they are down.

I think it really depends on the context in individual situations. I find sometimes in education, for example, that there is so much emphasis on being positive that concerns are dismissed and played down.

So is the world going to end soon op?

Or not keep ramming your brand of ‘realism’ down people’s throats. Fair enough, if asked for your take on something you know about, but otherwise you’re just being a moany bore.

I had an uncle who would have regarded himself as a ‘realist’. Every year, as soon as the longest day had passed, he would suck his teeth, sigh and say ‘The evenings are starting to draw in already.’ Literally true? Sure. Not particularly relevant to glorious summer evenings in early July when you’re talking about a matter of minutes? Also true.

And did he ever say, on December 21st, ‘The days are starting to get longer now’? Never.

To think being negative is often mistaken for being a realist

I don't sugar coat is the same as when people say I speak as I find. Mostly people would rather they didn't.

Facts and stats can be interpretated differently, it would be arrogant to think only you know the 'true' outcome

No, it is negative, if you consider yourself a realist, do you share your thoughts out loud.

Why as a realist are you constantly point out the downsides?

I’m not sure if you have a specific scenario in mind but if you are talking about life in general then things are as likely to turn out well as badly surely?

Just looked up the definition of a realist = person who accepts a situation as it is and is prepared to deal with it accordingly.

You can choose to deal with the situation optimistically or negatively.

It's as possible to be a optimistic realist as a negative realist. The former is probably a more positive, happy person to be around and research shows optimists are happier, more successful and healthier.

When people describe themselves in this way I don't sugarcoat it makes me wonder how other people would describe their delivery style!

You can be a realist who also understands that sometimes a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.