My head is a mess and I don’t know what to do. AIBU to think like this?

'We have stepped on the line a few times'
What does this mean?

You should tell your husband you're in love with a young player bloke and have stepped on the line a few times with him.
It's not fair on him to not be fully informed.

You are having an affair. Would you have the conversations you have with your boyfriend in front of your DH? Do you hide your messages with your boyfriend from your DH. Would you behave differently with your boyfriend in front of DH than you do alone?

It’s an emotional affair. You either cut off the boyfriend and work on your marriage or you leave your husband for you boyfriend. You can’t have your cake and eat it. You cannot justify what you’re currently doing by claiming you need the support of your bf. It is wrong.

I had sympathy until this part Amother thing which has unfortunately happened is that I’ve fallen in love with a close male friend. And then I didn't bother reading the rest.

This is the main reason why you are posting. You want validation for an extra marital affair.

Sorry but, just no.

Ditch the boyfriend and get yourself some counselling first and foremost. Then get marriage counselling for you and DH to try and salvage your relationship for your sake, his sake and your child's sake. They didn't ask for this.

While I agree with everyone that you're on to a loser with your friend, I don't blame you for feeling resentful towards your husband. You should tell him that your in-laws have no business interfering with your life and that if he doesn't have your back on that, you'll end the marriage. I would be livid if my husband was allowing his relatives a say in our relationship.

You and your feeling are not the only things at play here. You're gambling with your child's future, and risking creating another unwanted child. Grow up. Thirties isn't youngish, contraception is taught in schools.

This.

Before I even got to the pregnancy bit I was thinking "whatever you do... DO NOThave another child"

You need to bin off the "male friend"...

Ignore your feelings you aren't thinking logically...

he is 7 years younger he isnt financially stable, he probably isn't serious,
He is unlikely to want to be a step parent and even if he says he is it means nothing because he has NO concept of what it actually means...
Annnnnddddyou probably dont even really love him - he is just an escape hatch from your current life.

Fix the problems you have- stop making new ones by:

1. trying to have an affair
2. Dragging another child into the situation

Becoming a mother throws you for a loop... it derailed my career (despite me doing all thr "right things" and impacted me in ways I couldnt have foreseen).

You need to work to get back on an even keel and stable position before you start making life altering choices like ending your marriage.

Good luck 💕

And based on your other post today, this man doesn’t feel the same. He’s pursuing other women. They’re not tied down with husbands and toddlers and possible pregnancies so good for him.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5366410-is-it-normal-to-get-jealous-when-your-guyfriend-kisses-another-girl-in-front-of-you

As I read the first post and got to “my husband doesn’t understand me” I thought that the script is not just for men and there’ll be some other bloke in the mix. Unsurprisingly that was the case.

op you’re having an affair. You need to either stop it or end your marriage. As it stands you’re being selfish, breaking your marriage vows and treating your husband badly.

OP you have asked for advice and every single response has recommended pulling back from your supportive friend. Are they all wrong or could they have a point? Why don't you try stepping back and working on your marriage for a period of time?

You like the attention.

Honestly, it’s that simple. You’re unhappy in your marriage and are clinging on to any crumb of attention from another man.

By convincing yourself that another man is interested, you can convince yourself that you’re not reliant on your husband for attention and affection, and he’s the problem, not you as you’re totally desirable.

You’ll never fix this marriage while you have someone you see as another option on the sidelines. You have to cut contact, or end your marriage.

But you need to cop on. You have a child to consider here, not just yourself.

What's wrong with you is that you want to have your cake and eat it too.

You've had some tough times in the recent years, and you're holding on to resentment and self pity.

You're a bit picky and choosy about your religious beliefs, aren't you? When it comes to pregnancy, you will need to think very hard about the best interests of your family, most especially your children, primarily the one you already have. You are in a less than stable relationship, mentally and financially struggling, what is best for them? Think damned hard about whether you bring another into this mess.

As for this guy and his 'support'? It's easy for him, he can dip in and out as he wants, all he has to do is say what you want to hear. There's no cost to him.

But you are dipping out on your marriage. Either commit to it, get some couples counselling, and find a way for the pair of you to make it work, or figure out how you are going to live a life that doesn't hinge on having a relationship with your guy friend that compromises your marriage and family going forward.

Op this means you're having an emotional affair. You know you're too close and it sounds like the player is thriving on the attention. He's not a close friend he's the man that you could potentially compromise your family for. Thus won't just affect you and your husband but your child. If you need someone to speak to then find a therapist if you have no other friends or family that can support you. You've only got feelings for this man as he's saying all the things you want from your husband. Either way step back, try to fix things with your husband or go it alone as now is not the time to start messing with someone else as I guarantee he would happily step into an affair but he's not there for the long road and will drop you (and your child). There is nowhere things can go but badly as things stand. You need a wake up call, you keep writing as if things are just happening and you've no control but you do and as a parent you owe it to your child to try. Deal with the most immediate and buy a pregnancy test so you know either way

Get a pregnancy test. Do the pregnancy test. If pregnant unprotected sex with your husband is pointless.
That’s your first step.

He's only "supportive" because he wants in your knickers.

I wouldn't normally do this as it's not very Mumsnet, but since you've said you are a Christian: "I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

And mid-20s men love nothing more than giving up their freedom to take on a single mum and her two small kids!

You’re living in a fantasy world, OP.

Either leave your marriage, or do everything you can to try and fix it.

And start using proper contraception.

Faithful married women can’t seek their support from young player men that they have a crush on. His support is bad for your marriage which should come first.

The grass is greeenest where you water it and your efforts need to go into your marriage.

If it is genuine that you won’t consider an abortion because of your faith then find out if you are pregnant and if you are then you will need to start getting your head around it and get back to being a team with your husband.

If you are not pregnant and don’t want to be then sort out your contraception.

He feels the same but he is a bit of a player.

If he’s a player he’ll play you too - probably already is.

Being in love with another man who also feels the same way is cheating.

My advice would be to sort out your own contraception, don’t rely on a man, take the pill/injections/implant. If you had an inkling that you may get pregnant, why didn’t you take the morning after pill??

Personally, I think you should leave your husband. You say you’ve only been married a few years, haven’t been happy for the past 4 years and have already fallen in love with someone else. It doesn’t sound as though you’re in this marriage for the long term so just cut and run.

"...I don't want to block him."

You stated you're a Christian? Yeah, this is the "forsaking all others" part of your marriage vows.

Get him blocked.

What age are you? You describe yourself as “youngish”. I’d take that to be maybe 25, so this other guy could be late teens?

No he don’t sound supportive. Any decent man , seeing a vulnerable lady - as your description of yourself points too- would not be behaving like this.
He isn’t helping you.
Find a really good marriage therapist who helps you and DH build a better emotional connection and helps you to communicate more effectively with one another.
These early years can really be a slog. But you come out the other end.
Block this man. He isn’t your true friend and it going to cause you a lot of pain.

Your new guy is a distraction from your real life. The feelings aren't real trust me.
Seek a Dr appointment.. Get on some decent birth control.. Maybe some antidepressants?
Block your friend.. He isn't a friend. He is using you whilst you are vulnerable.. He is in your words a player.. He isn't up for settling down and raising your dc...