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AIBU?

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Original poster

My head is a mess and I don’t know what to do. AIBU to think like this?

139 replies

Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 10:31

Hi there. I’m going to try and keep this brief so it isn’t outing. I’m a youngish married woman. I’ve been married for a few years. I have on toddler already and two furbabies. This past 2 years have been one of the hardest time periods in my life (well the last 4 years really) due to various reasons. I had my baby in that time period and I really struggled mentally during pregnancy and postpartum. Interferring family and in laws didn’t help my state of mind and particularly this past year my marriage had become strained and we had a lot of arguments. I wasn’t myself and I felt very got at by many different people and I felt my husband didn’t understand me and his family were more important etc. things have settled a good bit now thank God

Unfortunately another thing I’ve struggled with is trying to find work and to be financially stable so I can have more of a life that just isn’t about being a mother. I’ve had a lot of letdowns in the careers department including one very recent one. I want to help provide better for my family too.

Amother thing which has unfortunately happened is that I’ve fallen in love with a close male friend. I hate myself for having these feelings because I also love my husband but I’ve held onto a lot of anger over recent events and what was said to me in arguments etc. me and my guyfriend have always had a spark but we’ve grown close especially in recent months. He’s supported and is supporting me through stuff. We have stepped on the line a few times. I don’t want to lose him especially as I need his support and you’ll see why in the next paragraph. He feels the same but he is a bit of a player. Well he’s a young single guy. He’s 7 years younger than me. He can do what he wants. He’s told me on multiple occasions that I can open up to him about anything even if it’s about my husband as he won’t tell him I know how wrong this sounds.

the last thing is I could be pregnant again and I don’t want to be not yet. A few weeks ago hubby and I had sex using pull out method and I’ve never gotten pregnant by that. He pulled out but a bit dripped in. Sorry tmi. It happened during a time hubby was struggling keeping it hard again sorry tmi and said the condom wasn’t helping. I knew I was at or near my fertile window but my previous boyfriend and I used pull out method and I never got pregnant so thought nothing of it. I had a sick feeling after that I’ll likely fall pregnant by this but tried to brush it to the side now my period is late but I have irregular cycles so I’m seriously hoping it’s a late period as I don’t want another child right now for the reasons above. I’m a Christian so don’t believe in abortion. Honestly the thought has crossed my mind that I’d do it and I hate myself for it. I’ve only just got my mental health in some sort of better order and I don’t want to bring another child into this situation for everyone but me to have leverage over it. Also part of me wishes it was my guyfriends baby I could be carrying. I know wtf my head is a mess. Another reason to not have another baby is the house is too small.

what do I do? I’m so scared

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 05/07/2025 00:26

MNpenisadvisor · 05/07/2025 00:12

I hate to say this but you are totally hopeless.

Show quote history

Yes and that will be changing as I’ll become the girl who gets easily. Not watching others get while I have to fight for crumbs

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 05/07/2025 00:25

Thanks again for everyone’s replies. I need to defo work on a few things in my life. I was sad watching back my birthday night out vlog on my YouTube channel as you can tell I was masking sadness and there wasn’t as much clips of that night and also not as much dancing as usual so that alone tells me that things need to change. I need to find a way to fill that void I have. I love my husband but also love my guyfriend. That sounds awful I know it does. When I’m with my husband I feel secure and it’s a familiar type of love. I love him for him but in some ways I can tell we are too different where it can clash a lot. I don’t have much to do for myself during the day as I don’t work and I don’t really have a set routine so I have a lot of time to overthink and I just feel unhappy a lot. Yes he’s an amazing husband and father to our kids, he does his fair share etc which I’m so so grateful for. We still have that spark but lately it’s dulled a little. The love I have for my guyfriend is that I love him for who he is, I love how supportive he is to me, I love that I don’t have to mask myself or how I feel around him (he even pointed out that he noticed I mask myself when I’m around my husband but when he leaves us in the house to go to work I become my true self), I feel like I’m young again around him, I feel like I’m put on a pedestal, the cuddles that man gives me are electric. I swear that man can touch and hold like no other. I feel like I’m the girl I want to be around him and it upsets me that I can’t feel that way with my husband. Also it upsets me that I didn’t get to feel that way on my birthday as parts of the night guyfriend was a bit standoffish but maybe that’s because I was a bit too much showing how I truly feel.

it’s all changing because in 6 months time I’ll be that girl who gets. I’ll be the girl who no longer has to fight for things, no longer has to fight for crumbs. If I’m not the best version of myself with both men in my life I can’t go on. I will be seeing him more often too as other girls get to see their guyfriends. My husband has his parents fighting his corner, I need guyfriend to fight in my corner, we are so similar and we are a team!

OP posts:
MNpenisadvisor · 05/07/2025 00:12

Lilcrazyop · 05/07/2025 00:10

I get that. What do you think if I hypothetically got with him properly do you think he’d be the type to stay or not?

Show quote history

I hate to say this but you are totally hopeless.

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 05/07/2025 00:10

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 19:53

The fact that he’s cosying up to a married women while also pulling out her girls in front of her. How can you not see he’s bad news?

Show quote history

I get that. What do you think if I hypothetically got with him properly do you think he’d be the type to stay or not?

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 19:53

Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 18:15

How can you tell he’ll piss off? What’s the red flags?

Show quote history

The fact that he’s cosying up to a married women while also pulling out her girls in front of her. How can you not see he’s bad news?

MNpenisadvisor · 04/07/2025 18:40

Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 18:15

How can you tell he’ll piss off? What’s the red flags?

Show quote history

Wow your priorities are all wrong girl. That's what you picked out from my comment? If you care so little about your hub you need to divorce pronto.

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 18:15

MNpenisadvisor · 04/07/2025 17:39

You need to cut this dude off. Or admit you're gonna shag him, he's gonna piss off and you're gonna be left with no husband and no 'guyfriend'.

Show quote history

How can you tell he’ll piss off? What’s the red flags?

OP posts:
MNpenisadvisor · 04/07/2025 17:39

Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 17:17

Can I ask you honestly can you see guyfriend being there for the long run and visiting my house more often? I wish I saw him more often as I’d be a much happier girl. Why am I acting this way? This isn’t healthy to be feeling this way when I’m married

You need to cut this dude off. Or admit you're gonna shag him, he's gonna piss off and you're gonna be left with no husband and no 'guyfriend'.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 17:18

Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 17:15

I know I don’t sound that rational. It’s a reflection of where my head is at. Why am I still angry about how I was treated this past year (yes I wasn’t the easiest person to live with during pnd) and also why am I angry that I wasn’t the one he picked to kiss.

Show quote history

Actually, maybe start some counselling by yourself to start with. There’s an awful lot to unpack here.

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 17:18

leopardprint17 · 04/07/2025 17:16

Stop the unprotected sex and either work on your marriage or leave it. Also pray!!

Yes I need a lot of prayer

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 17:17

Can I ask you honestly can you see guyfriend being there for the long run and visiting my house more often? I wish I saw him more often as I’d be a much happier girl. Why am I acting this way? This isn’t healthy to be feeling this way when I’m married

OP posts:
leopardprint17 · 04/07/2025 17:16

Stop the unprotected sex and either work on your marriage or leave it. Also pray!!

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 17:15

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 17:13

You not sounding very rational here. Talk to your husband and see if he will agree to go to marriage counselling with you. Good luck.

I know I don’t sound that rational. It’s a reflection of where my head is at. Why am I still angry about how I was treated this past year (yes I wasn’t the easiest person to live with during pnd) and also why am I angry that I wasn’t the one he picked to kiss.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 17:13

You not sounding very rational here. Talk to your husband and see if he will agree to go to marriage counselling with you. Good luck.

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 04/07/2025 17:10

Hi everyone. Thanks again for the advice. I tested again this morning and still negative. Which I’m happy about as I’m in no way ready for another child and it will only add too much strain to a strained situation that is trying to crawl out. More so on my part. I’m going to try and work on my marriage and try to help how I feel and to make things better and try to let go of what was said and done to me in the past. I get it that things were said in the heat of the moment and I’ve said stupid stuff too. One thing I’ll never forget my husband saying is during an argument is “I’ll divorce you and take full custody of the child. You can move back in with your fucking parents. Oh and if you cheat on me then I’ll remarry someone better than you”. Later that day as the argument was still going on a bit and we had headed out. I was angry about him saying that and I said something disgusting about a pretty girl happy with her boyfriend (I said that I was gonna pull her by the hair. I didn’t mean it) he took the pram and left me on my own for over 10 minutes in town. I need to learn to let that go but it’ll take time. He also shook me by the shoulders that day.

thats one of the reasons why I can’t let go of guyfriend and why it fucking hurt that he kissed that prettier girl. We were talking about it and he said that I had a better figure as she was too skinny. This was after I told him that I was jealous of how pretty and skinny she was and that I wish I was her.

I know I shouldn’t be but I’m angry at that girl as I feel she’s ruined my birthday night out. I’m a content creator and I love to do videos for fun and memories. My birthday vlog was only 10 minutes long because of her and she should’ve picked someone else to kiss. I feel partly she spilled my drink on me on purpose just to make me look ugly so she can distract me and kiss him. I know that she was drunk out of her head. I know it’s wrong and I hate saying this but I wish it was me he kissed. Why am I like this?

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 03/07/2025 20:37

how can you tell if its an emotional affiar

well i dont kiss my friends like that and think im in love with them

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 03/07/2025 19:30

Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 17:46

It’s negative. Thank God but I’ll test again in the morning to make sure

Hopefully this is the wake up call you need to sort your life out.

Have you blocked your affair partner yet?

DiaryofWimpy · 03/07/2025 18:00

Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 17:46

It’s negative. Thank God but I’ll test again in the morning to make sure

Well that’s good news

ZoggyStirdust · 03/07/2025 17:48

Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 17:46

It’s negative. Thank God but I’ll test again in the morning to make sure

Good.
this is an opportunity for you to take stock, think about what you’re doing and make some decisions. You had some solid, if brutal, advice on this thread so I’d recommend you really think about things now.

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 17:46

It’s negative. Thank God but I’ll test again in the morning to make sure

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 17:30

Taking a pregnancy test now. Hoping it’s negative. I’m crapping myself. Thanks again for all your replies

OP posts:
Makingpeace · 03/07/2025 17:15

Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 14:52

But I need his support to get me through this if I am pregnant as he and some other friends are the only ones I can truly confide in if things go to the dogs

Ha. You clearly don't want help.

Good luck to your husband and kid(s).

Bluevelvetsofa · 03/07/2025 16:33

They’re not fur babies, they’re animals that you’re infantilising

You want to have your cake and eat it, but unfortunately, you can’t.

Your husband is the one you should be confiding in. The one you married and the father of your child.

Guyfriend is as bad as fur babies.

Time to start being an adult and taking responsibility for your actions.

Christmasmorale · 03/07/2025 16:23

Lilcrazyop · 03/07/2025 14:52

But I need his support to get me through this if I am pregnant as he and some other friends are the only ones I can truly confide in if things go to the dogs

You cannot remain friends with him and maintain that you are faithful to your husband or God as a christian.

The bible clearly states that we should get rid of any temptation to sin because it is impossible to walk on fire without being burned (I’ve set out some relevant bible verses below). If that means ending the friendship - that is what you need to do. An important part of being a Christian requires resisting temptation. You don’t need his support, you desire it. And that desire has already caused you to sin in your thoughts and speech, and will become physical sin if you let it continue through intimate friendship with this man.

But regardless of Christianity, out of basic respect for your husband and children, you need to end this friendship and focus on providing stability for yourself and your existing children.

Mark 9:42-47
“ If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands.”

1 James 1
“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death”

“If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

Proverbs 6:27-29
”Can a man carry fire next to his chest
and his clothes not be burned?
Or can one walk on hot coals
and his feet not be scorched?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife;
none who touches her will go unpunished.”

YankSplaining · 03/07/2025 16:05

Well, the good news is that at least you know that if you are pregnant, it’s definitely your husband’s baby. If you’re pregnant, you need a much more reliable form of birth control after the baby is born.

Whether you’re pregnant or not, you need to drop the friendship with this other man. It isn’t going to lead to anywhere good, and spending time with him is taking time and emotional energy away from working on your other problems.

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