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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

581 replies

Shardlake63 · 03/07/2025 09:10

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 03/07/2025 19:56

soontobeamama · 03/07/2025 19:43

I voted YABU as you should have advised the waiting staff of your allergy when the starters were served (to be honest, the staff should also have checked for any allergies before serving).

When the main course was served, you should also have asked for an alternative - even though it was a set menu, they should still cater for allergies or dietary requirements.

Yes, your in laws should have known / checked beforehand when planning, but you should also have spoken up.

there was no option do you not RTFT? The Op did ask about an option and was told that the only way to get one would be to leave the function room, go to the main restaurant, order there and eat there. The function room is catered from a smaller kitchen and that kitchen had only cooked what was ordered. It was served plated including gravy.

Needmorelego · 03/07/2025 19:54

BIossomtoes · 03/07/2025 19:46

Isn’t that what people do at weddings?

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I would imagine 99% of weddings offer a vegetarian alternative.

BIossomtoes · 03/07/2025 19:46

Renamed · 03/07/2025 19:43

Going for a celebration dinner with your partner and ordering your favourite dishes - great. Bringing 18 other people, ensuring they all have to have exactly the same as you, and not telling them about it - fucking weird if you ask me.

(Sounds as if the meat must have been pre sliced and heated up in the gravy too)

Isn’t that what people do at weddings?

Renamed · 03/07/2025 19:43

Going for a celebration dinner with your partner and ordering your favourite dishes - great. Bringing 18 other people, ensuring they all have to have exactly the same as you, and not telling them about it - fucking weird if you ask me.

(Sounds as if the meat must have been pre sliced and heated up in the gravy too)

soontobeamama · 03/07/2025 19:43

I voted YABU as you should have advised the waiting staff of your allergy when the starters were served (to be honest, the staff should also have checked for any allergies before serving).

When the main course was served, you should also have asked for an alternative - even though it was a set menu, they should still cater for allergies or dietary requirements.

Yes, your in laws should have known / checked beforehand when planning, but you should also have spoken up.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 19:31

ChwipDin · 03/07/2025 19:21

We now live in East Midlands which is not even properly north
The fact that it's the East Midland implies that it's not north at all.

To a Londoner it's north believe me

FunMustard · 03/07/2025 19:31

I swear people are contrary on this site for the sake of it.

YANBU to be upset the one thing you're allergic to and the one thing you don't like were the meals you were offered.

It's customary with a set menu to check with the diners that they like everything.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 03/07/2025 19:27

I live in Yorkshire, which is proper North north, and I don't even like gravy.

I am from Devon, mind.

Bleachedlevis · 03/07/2025 19:26

Gall10 · 03/07/2025 09:17

The thread title says it all…..THEIR CHOICE
OK so you can’t eat the salmon
you could have had the main course & just left the meat…or do what I do with tomatoes-pass it onto your partners plate.
Why the fuss & entitlement?

OP said it was lamb gravy so she couldn’t eat it.

ChwipDin · 03/07/2025 19:21

We now live in East Midlands which is not even properly north
The fact that it's the East Midland implies that it's not north at all.

ShesTheAlbatross · 03/07/2025 19:21

They can have what they want it wasn't your party

But they’re hosting, and it doesn’t affect their meal in any way if someone else eats something different. Why aren’t they, as hosts, caring about their guests ffs.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 19:17

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 03/07/2025 19:04

Everyone north of the Watford Gap has gravy on chips, don’t they?

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Me and DH are Londoners and both hate gravy. We don't have it on any meals. We now live in East Midlands which is not even properly north and the gravy obsession is ridiculous. Gravy on everything including chips YUK YUK YUK.

Apart from the fact I want my food to taste of the actual food and not gravy, I also want foods that are crisp like chips, roast potatoes, yorkshire puddings to be crisp and not be made soggy with gravy. I have nothing wrong with my teeth and am capable of eating crisp foods

BruFord · 03/07/2025 19:12

This is starting to remind me of an Athletico Mince episode (if anyone else is a fan) and the food that Bob claims that Andy lives on. Blue drink and chicken dippers anyone?

THEDEACON · 03/07/2025 19:10

Im voting YANBU but then Im allergic to fish and hate lamb

BruFord · 03/07/2025 19:07

@mydogisthebest We definitely need the laughing emoji back. 😆

Does anyone know why it was removed?

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 19:04

BruFord · 03/07/2025 14:36

This is a wind up. Vegetables and gravy are served separately unless it's a casserole or stew-type dish, side vegetables to a roast wouldn't be served with gravy poured all over them. Has anyone ever been served veg like that?

Nice try!

I think it is pretty common in the north of England where people seem unable to eat a meal unless it is swimming in gravy

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 03/07/2025 19:04

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 18:51

I ordered pie and chips in a restaurant in Birmingham and it came up smothered in gravy. I hate gravy but who has gravy on chips anyway?

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Everyone north of the Watford Gap has gravy on chips, don’t they?

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 03/07/2025 19:03

Ivesaidenough · 03/07/2025 09:17

It's not fussy to dislike lamb!

A friend of mine doesn’t like lamb because it reminds her of depressing, smothering Sundays when she was a kid.
Even the smell of it winds her up.

Booboobagins · 03/07/2025 18:59

If someone invited you to a dinner you expe t to eat. End of.

All these people who think YABU are just wrong.

Your PIL dont care enough fir you to arrange a different meal - even main without lamb would have been ok.

Wtf. I'd be pd off too @Shardlake63

But question is what did your DH do?

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 18:51

Mumble12 · 03/07/2025 11:54

It's a good point actually, I've never come across a roast dinner served with the gravy already on it.

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I ordered pie and chips in a restaurant in Birmingham and it came up smothered in gravy. I hate gravy but who has gravy on chips anyway?

Mumble12 · 03/07/2025 18:45

phoenixrosehere · 03/07/2025 18:33

I still don’t understand how no one asked what the meal was. That is one of the first things people ask when invited to a meal, whether it is a set menu or buffet style and if it is a set menu, what is it?

I may eat a large array of things and have no allergies, but I like knowing what I’m having so I can plan accordingly and can ask questions.

I’d be put off having salmon and then lamb no matter how small the starter was and definitely with gravy all over my food. Had that at a restaurant and noticed right away that the gravy was hot and the food was lukewarm because it was busy.

Thankfully the gravy was nice but if it wasn’t, I’f be annoyed regardless if I paid for it or not and would say something.

I’m wondering if her DH knew beforehand, didn’t want to make an issue out of it and thought she could just eat the vegetables until it all came out covered in lamb gravy.

I’m guessing becuase they didn’t realise they couldn’t choose when they got there. They weren’t told it was a set menu, just invited to dinner at a restaurant

Mumble12 · 03/07/2025 18:45

stichguru · 03/07/2025 18:42

Are you sure that you wouldn't have been given an alternative if you'd asked for one? Unless your in laws made a big fussy to the restaurant about how no-one should be rude enough to dislike their chosen food, I find it odd that with so many vegans and vegetarians about today, not to mention the increase in allergies and food intolerances, the place would not have any alternatives available.

She did ask, was told she’s have to sit downstairs in the main restaurant if she wanted to order from the main menu

stichguru · 03/07/2025 18:42

Are you sure that you wouldn't have been given an alternative if you'd asked for one? Unless your in laws made a big fussy to the restaurant about how no-one should be rude enough to dislike their chosen food, I find it odd that with so many vegans and vegetarians about today, not to mention the increase in allergies and food intolerances, the place would not have any alternatives available.

Clarabell77 · 03/07/2025 18:36

Ridiculous not to have options and assume 20 people like smoked salmon and lamb. I wouldn’t have eaten that either and I’m not that fussy.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 18:35

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 03/07/2025 10:54

I'm really stuck on the gravy issue.... I don't understand why you couldn't ask for 1) no gravy (& give your meat to your DH) or 2) no meat and no gravy....

Lots of people (everyone?!) likes to control their own gravy. Seriously, what restaurant pre-gravys? Especially in veg?!

Quite few restaurants where I live do (East Midlands). Both me and DH hate gravy and think it is weird to want to eat on almost every meal which locals seem to want to do.