To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

And that’s ok, it would be rude, but so were they.

if it was SO difficult to get other food, just sort it yourself or raise it in advance.

I have been married 25 years, my MIL is a nightmare. We get on well, but it’s been a rough road. She used to do stuff like this, so now I just sort my own.

im allergic to eggs, we will arrive to scrambled egg and potatoes covered in mayo every single time.

but either YOU look silly or she does.

she will have been saying to everyone, oh how grumpy was DIL, never ate a thing, so rude.

so just own it. Is my point, perhaps badly made.

If you spoke to me like that I’d ask you to leave.

@jesihar TBH I think asking a hostess (why just the MIL anyway) who is excitedly celebrating something if she is 'ok' and how silly of her to forget your on personal requirements would be not only rude, but hurtful.

There are SO many ways to get something to eat without giving your IL a patronising dressing down in public on a day they have joyously planned for.

I am surprised that your DH or yourself hadn't spoken to his parents about the menu before or reminded them of your allergy.

I have no idea how old your PIL are but you say they are farming stock and old school. I would assume from this information it would be some sort of roast. Your DH probably knows their favoured food choices. He should of checked.

I always check menus with people before hand. 1 DC allergic to peanuts and I am allergic quorn.

With allergies you have you can never assume that people remember or understand. You have to be proactive.

Personally, I hate the smell and taste of Brussels sprouts. They too seem to infect a plate of food. But under the circumstances I would eaten some of it.

I am sorry, that you couldn't eat the meal.

Your comment about the 200 miles and overnight accommodation speaks volumes.

Ah for goodness sake, I stand by my first post.

my granny would have said you have a good Scot’s tongue in your heid, use it.

oh goodness MIl, we have travelled all this way and you have forgotten I can’t eat this, how silly. Are you ok? I shall sort something else. How is everyone. Ok let’s do this. Then straight to staff, oh goodness my mother in law has totally forgotten my dietary requirements, what can you do? I’m a guest in the hotel. Thank you so much.

and I’m a farmers wife, a sheep farmers wife, and I dont eat lamb. For reasons you state. And my mother in law is also a nightmare. But absolutely no reason to bow to it. She has no doubt made a big fuss about you not eating it, so just let her have made a fuss about you being vegetarian.

she got away with it because you let her.

im actually a total walkover with friends, acquaintances, saying no. But something like this when you have made the effort just take the control.

First time I went to my in-laws new house they served up Lamb, mashed potatoes, carrots and peas - which are about the only things I don't eat! They obviously had no idea. I love my food and eat a lot of things others don't but these are on top of my 'no go' zone for taste, texture. I eat raw carrots and peas in the pod and any other kind of potato.
I wouldn't take it personally OP. They probably got a good deal for a big booking with a no choice set menu, which is less faff. In hindsight, you could have ordered something else or spoken to staff. I'm sure 1 person asking for an alternative wouldn't have caused nightmares in the kitchen.

It does seem really weird that they couldn’t bring you some vegetables/ potatoes that hadn’t be covered in the gravy. Not saying I don’t believe you, it’s just really odd. Some people don’t much like gravy for a start.

Didn’t they even have any bread rolls?

And why does your H get to dictate if you “make a fuss” by popping downstairs? I wouldn’t have to be able to sit there hungry whilst everyone else tucked in - and a pudding on an empty stomach would be worse than no food for me.

I do think it was very thoughtless of your ILs. They should at least have done an allergy check of everyone before ordering the meal.

Being allergic isn't being fussy

As you know there are some foods you cannot eat, why did you not give either the PILs or, better, the restaurant a call when you were invited just to check what was going to be on offer. Then you could either arrange for a substitute or, if they refused to help, have dinner before you went and just have a drink and a pudding.

My DH can be a bit picky so we always do this and in several decades have never encountered a problem.

This was your PILs' day. It wasn't primarily about the food; it was a celebration with family. Why not quietly make sure that you'd be OK so that they could enjoy it without the distraction of your meal not suiting you?

Yes but as no one was told what the meal was going to be until they got there how would the restaurant know if vegetarian meals were required?

I would have got an Uber eats delivered to the table 😂 joking aside, why couldn't you have ordered a meal in the main restaurant and taken it to the function room?

None of it happened

I think it's really shit of your husband to have been happy for you to go hungry so as not to cause a fuss by highlighting his families thoughless behaviour. Obviously it's too late now but you should have said to the wait staff oh there's been a mistake im allergic to salmon when it arrived and they would have gotten you something else.

Why are you so sure? Were you there? The op did ask and was told the only way to get an option would be to leave the function, go into the main restaurant, order there and eat it there. Yes its weird, yes its not helpful but that's the story.

Yabu. You are an adult you just explain that you are allergic and a fussy eater. I'm sure the restaurant would have made something for you. Why sit in silence suffering.

there was no option, RTFT

there was no option RTFT

I dunno. A one off through forgetfulness.....yes I could kind of forget that. I mean not entirely forget because I would take control next time so it didn't happen again......but a straw in the wind about what they think of their daughter in law is a different matter especially as another family member's allergy WAS remembered and the OP says they expect (and get) their own way in things.

The restaurant was out of step not to offer an alternative for the starter when it was allergy related. There could also have been a vegetarian option for main. I don’t think you were fussy and your in-laws are not incredibly thoughtful hosts.
That said, I wouldn’t still be dwelling on this. It’s just a not particularly nice meal out for an event that you won’t really remember in the future. Forget it.

🤣

There is always a vegetarian option. You could have become vegetarian that day.

I imagine a vegetarian alternative was on offer if OP had been vegetarian.

@Gall10 your suggestion to eat everything but the meat is completely ridiculous. The OP has already stated that the vegetables were covered with a lamb gravy. I also cannot bear the taste of lamb - I can't eat potatoes roasted around the lamb joint, and I wouldn't be able to eat anything with lamb gravy on it. My DH had a lamb kebab and salad for his evening meal today (I had chicken) and he offered me some of his salad. I couldn't accept as it had been in contact with his lamb.

I also would not have been able to eat the starter as I very much dislike smoked salmon.

yes I thought that......deffo not an A grade restaurant......

maybe they should but they didn't....RTFT