To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

No I haven’t. I’m happily watching the tennis and reading Mumsnet.

Dislikes are different to aversions. I don't particularly like sprouts, but I'd eat them if they were served and I was hungry. I could have no eaten for three days and couldn't stomach an egg in any form.

If you don't have issues with food, that's super lovely for you but doesn't mean people that do are lying.

And I’ve eaten in a mix! Including London gastro pubs with gravy already on the plate (although probably in those cases only on the meat and Yorkshire). I just didn’t blink when I read the OP as it’s something I’ve seen plenty of times myself.

How I grew up is relevant; there was never enough meat/protein, no room for dislikes. Hunger is the best seasoning.

Yes. It’s the very definition of a first world problem.

@derxa, Do you think being disappointed with being invited for a meal out 200 miles away that means paying for a hotel room, and anticipating a three-course meal arrive quite peckish only to find that the starter is something that brings you out in a rash, the main is something that you can't eat because it makes you gag, and the pudding although delicious is not filling, making a fuss over nothing?

well its the fil being selfish then couldnt be bothered to ask everyone what they wanted

charming

Not a fuss about nothing.

It's a dick move to invite people for dinner and then serve food they know their guest (s) can't eat.

It's controlling and inhospitable.

The PPs saying you’re a fussy eater. An allergy to salmon is an allergy. Not being fussy. Then not liking lamb. One thing mentioned. Loads of people don’t like lamb.

What a fuss about nothing.

So the restaurant were actually totally normal and were expecting guests to choose from several different options? The issue is 100% that your FIL is a complete dick.

At least you know now that for any future invitations you will have to clarify whether you are going to get a choice of what to eat. Personally, I just wouldn't go if FIL decided he was going to chose for me - if giving guests a choice is too much faff, then so is attending 😁

Sounds like is ‘buying people’ because ti be inconsiderate of the fact not everyone liked the same food is selfish.
I could have eaten lamb but don’t like salmon.
I would imagine fil has form, and his wife has been battered down …. Very sad.

It’s selfish to entertain 20 people at well over £50 a head? I guess most people would be delighted to encounter such selfishness.

How can anyone get to 80 and be THIS selfish and still have friends / family to go out to dinner with????
did they pay???
id be bending over backwards to accommodate my loved ones.

We eat sunday roasts in lots of pubs and restaurants and it's pretty unusual for the gravy to be already on the plate. Sometimes it is on the meat, but then the veg is usually served in separate sharing dishes. To have everything on one plate and already covered in gravy is quite unusual.

I have never eaten anywhere in London, Essex or Kent where the meal came with gravy on it. Always comes in a small jug although I always say I don't want any.

I think it is really bad to serve a meal with gravy already on it and not everyone likes it

Exactly. OP said that a number of the other guests who could eat the salmon and lamb still said that if FIL has circulated the menu choices to the guests, as the restaurant expected him to do, they would have chosen different meals that they would have enjoyed more.

OP's FIL sounds like a selfish dickhead, not for choosing his favourite meal of salmon and lamb for himself, but for insisting on ordering it for everyone else because consulting them would have been a 'faff'. It sounds as though him being happy was the only criteria to be met. His guests didn't matter.

Why would OP not eating lamb or salmon have changed the event

Yeah, also mystified by why the gravy is surprising people. I love gravy and quite often have to ask for extra because the food is served with a small amount already on it and I want more. I’m always thrilled to see a jug, and it’s getting more common, but it’s totally normal in my experience for it to be on the food when it arrives. And that’s not a regional thing.

@Shardlake63 your update makes things a lot clearer, as I found it hard to believe that there were no other options available at the restaurant. Your FIL simply didn’t care about his guests having any choice about what they ate, even if the food could make them unwell. He’s an arrogant, selfish pig.

For any future celebrations hosted by your PIL at that restaurant, you will know to take sandwiches in your handbag!

To me, it is when you’re not expecting it.

It would not be a combination I would expect going to a sit down dinner with no warning. Someone choosing to order that fine, expecting others to be fine with it, no.

Your update makes them sound even more unreasonable and makes sense of alot of the details.

Is FIL usually incredibly thoughtless and overbearing?

So little bother to find out what people want to eat too.

For the pp who said this, I don’t think salmon and lamb is unusual, I don’t think it is. I think it’s quite common to have either fish or veggie starter if you’re having a meat main, or a veggie start if you’re having a fish main. If
youre having a veggie main you can have whatever starter you want! It’s not a rule obviously, but I was told once that this is “usual”.

I knew it would be in the North because of being covered in gravy. Northerners are not only obsessed with gravy, they also seem to think everyone loves it and wants soggy food