To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

"I would never assume to choose a three course meal for 20 people at a restaurant with no consideration for others’ allergies/food preferences as a host. It’s such bad manners. Even wedding invitations give you options."

I've never had an option at a wedding except vegetarian, allergies, etc.

You have to accept sometimes that for big meals, there is a set menu with adjustments for vegetarian/vegan and allergies or religious requirements. Often it's not possible to have options just for preferences e.g. chicken or beef.

Of course, that doesn't stop people politely asking the staff for something they could knock up quickly on the night if possible, if they really can't eat what is provided.

The OP clarified in a subsequent post that the FIL could have offered guests a choice but didn't want to do the work so just chose for them - things that he liked!

OK 22 pages in so I'm probably repeating, but I can't imagine any function that didn't a/ ask about allergies b/ offer more than one choice! Pick a group of 20 people and not everyone is going to eat the same. Even in my family of 4 they wouldn't (one veggie). On top of that salmon and lamb are not universally liked. If there were no extra requirements within the group and you weren't being considerate enough to give mutiple options something like soup for starters and chicken for main would probably be more to most people's palate.

I don't believe I have ever said anything remotely like that. Argue away, fussy eaters united blah blah blah.

Out of interest why are you the only person allowed to use Mumsnet?

Oh good. You've started again. Maybe it's time for you to stop whining in her defence.

How has she “kept whining about it”.

she didn’t say anything during the meal to be polite. She’s posted one AIBU about it. Hardly a sustained campaign of victimhood?

it’s not about agreeing with her, you’re saying it should never have been mentioned by her afterwards.

Despite being told by the person involved that there was no discussion as FIL just wanted to sort it himself?

why do you think someone would invent such a niche story. What’s the point.

Oh dear OP. I guess pre warned is pre armed if FIL invites you to anything else catered!

I had a similar (but less upsetting) experience last summer. My DSis and DBIL are a year apart in age. She threw a surprise 50th for him two years ago, and he threw a surprise 50th for her. In the time between the two events I became gluten intolerant. BIL didn't ask for dietary needs and I didn't volunteer the info because I assumed the food would be similar to the previous event. But it wasn't - it was all sandwich based and every item in the buffet had gluten in except a few cherry tomatoes!

I had to sneak downstairs to the cafe and order and pay for a baked potato. The woman who brought it told me off for not telling them in advance. But it was better than some separate shrink wrapped item!

I reckon I got away with it (nieces covered for me) but the difference is DBIL is a kindly soul who would have been mortified! And I did feel it was somewhat my fault, but I was also reluctant to be demanding.

Number one rule of hosting though is make your guests comfortable.

There is no way that there wasn't some kind of discussion beforehand, an email with a tick box or something. There is no way 20 people have been fed with no questions being had about dietary needs beforehand.
And for the meal to consist of the two things you can't eat it?

I just don't believe it.

She has - her husband ate her starter and she played with her main. So it wasn’t obvious.

But OP you haven't answered the question, surely someone at the table said something when you did not touch your starter or main?

It’s inevitable if a family is spread far and wide. Sometimes people travel from other countries.

@lovemeblender It entirely depends on how spread out the family is. For my in-law's Golden anniversary, three branches of the family flew in and stayed in hotels; other family members drove several hours to celebrate with them and also stayed.

After reading this thread, one thing that DH and his siblings got right is that my in-laws were treated to a special meal as part of the celebrations (they didn't organize it themselves) and it wasn't a set menu, it was just in a nice restaurant and their children split the bill. Much easier than trying to remember what various relatives can/can't eat:-).

Meal/party yes, but a party where guests have to travel to and book a hotel? I wouldn't even be keen to do that for my own parents (who I love dearly)

@lovemeblender Really? My in-laws had a do for their Golden (50th) anniversary. It's really common for people to celebrate life milestones.

Easy to say if there’s nothing that you don’t like enough. Lots of poor people have a food they won’t eat. I offered a homeless chap a ham sandwich once and he said “no thanks I don’t like ham”. If you can’t stand it you can’t stand it, it doesn’t matter how much money you’ve got. Having one food like that is neither unusual nor fussy.

I can’t imagine how when everyone was having the same thing - which was probably at their suggestion.

I kind of agree but I guess they believed that everyone there had a chance to choose what they wanted.

It’s very poor form that the restaurant couldn’t even find you a piece of bread or a plate of vegetables or something and bring it up to you. Obviously, the main fault is with your FIL, but a catering establishment should be ashamed to not be able to offer any alternative food or be flexible in these circumstances.

He could have asked for help from the nearby family members. I highly doubt anyone would have said no to helping him/them considering the event.

There were 20 people, I doubt no one would have helped do that for them.

People have celebrated milestone wedding anniversaries for decades. Silver, Ruby, Gold and Diamond. My parents celebrated all of those with a meal or a party. I organised the last three of them.

I find it really odd that people have massive functions for wedding anniversaries that guests travel hundreds of miles for involving hotel stays. Not the point of the thread I know...

Yes, that was poor form.

My autistic older sister would have also struggled. Hates fish in it's natural state (will do breaded at a push), and absolutely despises all roast meats apart from chicken (it's a textural thing), and HATES cheesecake!
I am actually chuckling at the thought of her being confronted with this meal. She's one of those people who wears every feeling on her face as well... She'd have been FUMING.

But like you, she'd have happily have had a veggie alternative.

Absolutely.