To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

YANBU that they were inconsiderate but it was ridiculous to martyr yourself. If you had spoken to a member of staff you would have been able to order from the main restaurant menu and have it brought up to you.

YANBU
They should’ve requested dietary requirements, submitted these to the venue & the venue can produce a (likely vegan) option which captures all the necessary adjustments. It’s very common in hospitality to do this.

Unless you are harping on about being allergic to salmon and not liking lamb all the time, is it possible they forgot? They probably had a lot of things on their mind. It seems very strange that there wasn't alternative choices, but you could have simply said "I'm sorry, I'm allergic to the salmon, can I have something else please". Not a lot you could have done about the lamb, but hopefully you didn't sit there retching.

She is allergic to salmon. The op said so in her title. That’s is NOT fussy.
Having one other dislike is NOT fussy. Come on!!!!!
You call Op fussy for disliking just one thing (lamb) then come on here saying “your poor man” about my family member who will only eat cucumber and baguette who is damn fussy! He just won’t try new things. He is fussy.
Your comments just don’t make sense.

It seems odd as surely the restaurant would have had other options for allergies/vegetarian/vegan your ILs could have requested. Most hosts would definitely check re allergies at least!

Really rude and while I love smoked salmon and adore lamb, would never choose them as a set meal like that.

I wouldn't bother my arse travelling any distance again for something like this.

Yes I would absolutely find this to be poor behaviour on their part. It's really bad hosting. Unusually bad. Weddings you get a set menu but chosen beforehand.

It's also poor on the part of the restaurant. It's not like allergies, intolerances and intense dislikes are new news.

OK, I think having so strong a dislike to lamb/any non-allergy related food that you can’t eat it is ‘fussy’ in the context the OP uses it. I don’t like the phrase as it’s got moralising overtones and I wouldn’t describe restricted eaters as pains in the arse - your poor man with the cucumber and baguette, I bet he’d love to be able to eat more things, it’s socially isolating when you can’t.

@Shardlake63 did anyone notice that you weren’t eating anything? Did PIL apologise for forgetting about your allergy?They sound like a horrible family and your husband doesn’t sound very caring either.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat yep - this was a cheaply special - to be honest I would rather not bother if I was them and it was a ‘ this is it’ kind of offering . Be better with a moderately priced catered buffet

I'd just have not eaten it then got fish n chips on the way home. Doesn't seem worth fussing about.

Actually the update doesn't clearly state that at all. The OP didn't ask, she assumed if she ordered downstairs she would have to eat down there.

Anyway, back to my gravy issue...... how? Why? What? .... a meal that is precooked off-site & smothered in gravy for reheating, with no option to remove the gravy? Bonkers!

You stand up for yourself and say very politely in a loud voice to the server 'I am really sorry but I am unable to eat from this menu as I am intolerant to both salmon and lamb. Please can you bring me the main house menu so I can choose from that. Job done. Is there any point in being offended when at the end of the day it is your responsibility to stand up for yourself? This blame culture we live in throws the responsibility onto other people when they may not even have thought about it. If you want something in adult life you have to vocalise your needs and wants or else they will get overlooked in the scrum of people wanting to be 'Me first!.'

Pretty much what I assumed. No choice, everything covered in gravy - sounds like they had the 20 plates out the back all ready to go (being charitable, maybe so that nobody had to wait, they were all served at the same time). But even cheapo places usually serve the gravy separately, don't they? So that vegetarians can 'eat the veg and leave the meat'? This sounds more like a Weatherspoons than an actual restaurant.

I think @gannett nails it with her post

There’s no way as a host I’d be able to remember multiple people’s dietary requirements so if the in laws chose somewhere with a set menu and the restaurant asked if anyone had any allergies they absolutely should have messaged their guests to ask. It’s ridiculous they didn’t.

Also can’t fathom how anyone think OP is a fussy eater! One item they are allergic to and the other makes them gag. So that’s one thing out of many they don’t eat.

But that said, I can’t get my head round how this played out in real life! If it was me in that situation no way would I have just sat there and only eaten a dessert and did what my DH said. I would have politely and calmly told my DH to get stuffed when he said it was rude to leave and nipped out to speak properly to someone in the restaurant. Or when they came round with food, would have outright said I’m sorry I have an allergy or I’m vegetarian. Being assertive and advocating for yourself can be done calmly and discreetly it doesn’t have to be confrontational

If after that, the restaurant were really ridiculous enough to not be able to bring an alternative dish cooked in the other kitchen up to the room then at least you’d have done all you can and it is on the in laws for choosing a ridiculous place and not being thoughtful enough to actually tell their guests 1 there is a set menu and 2 ask if there are any allergies

ive already replied saying the allergy issue was bad but thinking about it more. There’s loads of instances where I’ve been served up meals I don’t like….weddings, industry black tie dinners, charity functions.

If you’re going down the single meal route you don’t generally consider likes and dislikes of everyone attending. My friend can’t stand anything with garlic in - the slightest hint and she doesn’t touch it. I’m with you and don’t like lamb, my husband can’t abide fish. How would you ever decide on a meal - unless you served up a bland chicken type dish which isn’t much of a celebration for the couple.

Sounds like a plated meal in a cheapo place.

Am I the only person who suspects that this was a 'cheap deal'? The gravy being served already poured and the no-options thing?

I think PILs might have been cost-cutting.

Had you asked the restaurant they would at least have made you a cheese sandwich.

I'm really stuck on the gravy issue.... I don't understand why you couldn't ask for 1) no gravy (& give your meat to your DH) or 2) no meat and no gravy....

Lots of people (everyone?!) likes to control their own gravy. Seriously, what restaurant pre-gravys? Especially in veg?!

I can't imagine being in a situation where I didn't know what the meal arrangement was beforehand, and couldn't ask the waiting staff for an alternative. You must have realised the issue once the salmon was out so could have asked for something else. Next time speak up!

If you have an allergy then you should have checked when they told you about the event. With 20 guests there may be multiple people with intolerances and allergies to accommodate and it isn’t for the PIL to have knowledge and remembered all of these. Friends and family of mine have allergies. If we book ahead a set meal they will say “have you remembered to tell them about my allergy?” Rather than just assume it’s been remembered. If there is food I can’t or won’t eat, then I would ask what the meal was and I would have said to the PIL “I can’t eat those, is it OK if I contact the place to ask about a veggie alternative? Or would you be happy to order me the veggie options please?” I wouldn’t turn up expecting my allergies and preferences to be accommodated in a large group of diners and having not checked with anyone in advance. This is on you, sorry.

Two things is not a fussy eater

@Shardlake63 it was either sheer ignorance or nastiness.
Is have went downstairs and ate . I’d be rallying unhappy traveling and spending to starve .
Id you had went downstairs they would have realised to maybe show more consideration.
Your husband thought it be rude . What did he make of his parents ?

Allergy, that’s a problem. It’s just standard to ask when hosting anything if there’s any allergies. I would have thought the restaurant would ask that too. My parents though - now 80s - would not think about it themselves unless it was specifically brought up.

Not liking lamb, I’d suck it up. There’s 20 people to consider (or not) and you’re there to celebrate their wedding anniversary.