To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

Fair enough if you’re allergic to the salmon but you just don’t like the lamb. If that had been my six year old child, I would say ‘come on, try your best’. Not eating lamb puts you in the picky eater category in my book. They assumed ‘no vegetarians, so let’s go with roast lamb and vegetables, can’t go wrong.’

This is a set meal in a restaurant, it's not a catered buffet. Roast lamb is a bog standard dinner, it wouldn't even occur to me that a grown up couldn't possibly stomach it for one meal. And yeah, perhaps they chose what they wanted at their meal over what OP might prefer. Which is fine, because it isn't about OP, her preferences didn't need to be the priority. Grown ups can cope with a single meal not being their favourite.

Sound like they are a bit thoughtless or are the kind who think that you should eat what is put in front of you when it comes to dislikes. At least know you to check with them if it is a set menu if they are hosting something else and to eat in advance.

I think the restaurant was poor not to take an order and bring one plate upstairs to a guest.

In fact there are a very good few who get the same reaction as me - with unfortunate taste buds, turkey tastes dirty, like mucky water. My 1st chap had the same configuration. It is all turkey - not just the dark meat (although that is inedibly worse). It is not innocuous. I could once taste it through a Chilli recipe - it was utterly revolting. But my host was so pleased with herself that it had to be tackled. Anyway, answer this - if she merely didn't like it, why did she metaphorically push the plate away? Who does that, just because they don't much like it, at a celebration dinner? You wouldn't gobble up the lot, but you would have a go, unpleasant or no. So if she couldn't do that, she has to own her fussiness. No good pretending otherwise, especially as it is hardly the crime of the century. Own it and find ways to deal with it that don't involve thinking your PILS have gone out of their way to upset you. My own father constantly forgets I don't eat dairy - he once said "but you're OK with butter, aren't you?" - like the old wafer thin ham questions to vegetarians.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. That was pretty poor planning by your PIL. Yes it was their celebration but to forget a guest and leave them without food is rubbish hosting. Mind the restaurant doesn’t sound that great either. Suggesting a guest eat separately from their party because they can’t be arsed to carry a plate of food up a flight of stairs? It’s not that they couldn’t accommodate you. They chose not to accommodate you.

She could still have asked for a portion without meat or gravy.

because it was served plated and with the gravy already added. Does nobody RTFT?

Why didn’t you just ask the staff for them to not put the lamb on your plate but you have the rest of the main meal - presumably veg/potatoes etc?

Usually there would be roasties, carrots, something green.

it depends. When catering like that I have seen it as more usual to put the actual meat (or alternative) on the plate and then vegetables/sides/gravy to be served separately by waiting staff or passed around the table. In that case the Op could have probably got an empty plate and just had some veg/sides. As I aid if you are hosting a no alternatives served plated meal then even more important to ensure that you guests will enjoy it no?

what when people weren't coeliac or gluten intolerant?

yup DH and I have done that a few times. he used to get invited to semi business dinners and sometimes the food was dire.

@derxa

yeah , gross aren’t they. All the food that’s available to us, there is really no need to kill lambs for food.

I suppose it was their celebration and their choice. Usually servers check if there are any food alllergies. I have been to meals where I barely ate and then called at McDonalds on the way home. If they are ok PIL then I would just forgive their thoughtlessness and treat myself to something nice.

Ah those bone headed farmer types. Guzzling plates of salmon and fatty lamb while the OP lies starving on the ground.

My DH is European and they serve food I don’t like ( think raw herring, ox tongue, offal). But if the family are kind enough to take me out for a meal, even if we’ve travelled from overseas, I just grin and bear it. Move it around my plate, pile some on DH’s, eat the innocuous bits). I’m there for the company, not the food and I accept the fact that they like it.

I don’t feel they need to cater for me. If I had an allergy, I’d flag that up beforehand certainly and explain on the day if it appeared. But it’s one meal (actually in my case on a longer visit, it can be quite a few meals) and I don’t want to upset them or be a pain. I get my choice of food every other day of the year.

I recently had a load of friends around and was asked to cater for vegetarians ( fair enough), gluten intolerance ( inc alcohol), coeliac (can you ensure there’s no cross contamination in the kitchen?). I did but I’ m not doing it again. Compared with years ago, it was twice the work and hassle.

If you have specific needs then I think you need to be proactive or be prepared to be hungry!

Loads of people don't eat fish and loads of people don't eat lamb. They were weird choices but it was very unusual that no allowance was made for vegetarians or people with allergies etc. A bit cheap of them. I wouldn't take it personally. I wouldn't be making much of an effort for them food wise on any future hosting you do for them though.

Very thoughtless on their behalf. I'd be annoyed, too.

But at least now you know for next time that either you or DH has to speak up regarding your allergies, as tedious as that is.

How very unreasonable of you to expect posters to read what OP has written 😆

The vegetables were covered in lamb gravy as op said

It's usual for the food to come plated in a restaurant. It's not a buffet It's not realistic for hosts to be expected to accommodate every guests personal tastes. Lamb is an ordinary, unobjectionable food that OP is not allergic to. If she chooses not to eat on it, fine, but it's nobody else's fault.

Well now you can recalibrate your relationship with them. It was very kind of them to give you this chance, it will probably give you lots of extra time and emotional space won’t it? Almost as if they don’t know you and give you no thought whatsoever. Imagine Christmas, you can literally do your own thing with no thought given to them, and you don’t have to, for example, ‘step up’ as a daughter-in-law any more. I’m glad they enjoyed their meal and got what they wanted out of it!

they shojuld have double checked with everyone about allergies and preference-as for the returant saying you had to eat something else downstairs thats ridiculous they couldnt cook it and bring it up?

I think if you are planning a plated and dressed meal then its stupid not to. If the meal is served at the table then its easy to refuse anything you dislike or cannot eat. if its all on including the gravy, then you have no option but not to eat it. Actually on reflection, its a pretty thoughtless idea to use such a restaurant, who only offer that kind of service in their function room, for a large party. Setting aside allergies and people who have things they just cannot eat, do they not want their guests to enjoy the event?

I’d like to know this too. And how they reacted.

I did say they should have asked about allergies. But there's absolutely no obligation to accommodate every dislike in my opinion.