To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

Raw vegan if possible!

Are they aware of your salmon allergy/dislike of lamb? If so it sounds totally unreasonable of them. Sounds like the sort of thing my (now thankfully ex) MiL would have done. She goes to the chippy to get us all some dinner, and for some bizarre reason,knowing full well I can't stand offal of any kind. Comes back with a steak and kidney pie and chips for me. 🤢 Everyone else has fish (which I love) and chips.

hello? zombie

That’s such a weird choice for a set meal for a big group. Loads of people don’t like smoked salmon or lamb (I love salmon but absolutely hate lamb and lamb gravy). Normally with a group that size you puck the least offensive meal - the vegetable type soup and the chicken. It’s not riveting but at least most people will eat it.

👍that is the way to handle a 50th party when the food doesn’t suit @Needlenardlenoo

Added to the fact that if I was paying for all these meals, I would want people to actually eat (and enjoy!) them!!

Yes, but none of that is really a big pain compared to the whole party enjoying themselves properly. Like many posters I suspect I've done it for both work and personal events and it really isn't the biggest inconvenience, particularly when it's people you care about. I suspect for an event like this someone else would gladly have taken it on as a favour to the hosts.

I'll remember that for next time.
The vegan option was obviously not popular!

You do well to give a deadline after which they will get a default meal, but what you've described above is still a few steps and you've missed out the part when most people have forgotten what they ordered and the organiser has to go around with a list reminding them.

Last time I did this was for a group of 30 people.
I asked for selections by a certain date, & had very few replies.

I then sent an e-mail saying that if I didn't hear within 3 days I would put them down for the vegan options. It worked!

@thing47 I agree. My guess is that her FIL seldom organizes meals ( perhaps never?) and was clueless. He didn’t think to specify anything, not even a simple request such as please serve the gravy on the side, and the restaurant was only too happy to provide such an low-fuss easy meal from their perspective.

Anyone who’s ever catered for a group would’ve done this differently!

Absolutely this. A few weeks ago I organised a restaurant lunch for 20 people for DH's birthday. It was very little hassle, everyone had a choice of 4-5 starters and 4-5 mains (desserts could be chosen on the day). All people had to do was tick a box - well, 2 boxes - and return their selections to me to collate. Couldn't have been much easier.

Honestly if you can't even be arsed to make this level of minimal effort to cater to your guests, you're probably better off not bothering to organise a meal at all.

OP said the rest of the meal was covered with lamb gravy! These days it's pretty standard to take people's eating preferences/allergies into account, and this meal was only for 20 people, so really not that difficult to cater for considerately! I think they're clearly thougtless pricks!

It's very rude & inconsiderate of them to choose a meal their daughter-in-law can't eat, even if they think you're fussy. My husband doesn't eat fish or cheese & my parents arranged a different starter & no cheese on the potatoes for a recent family celebration. I certainly wouldn't put myself out for them in the future if I were you as they clearly aren't kind towards you.

@Teacaketravesty how is not eating salmon or lamb a fussy eater..

3luckystars
How is disliking lamb and being allergic to salmon make the op a ," fussy "eater "

its not difficult, I have done it. You send round an email saying "the choices are this." You send a text saying check your emails (belt and braces) you give a closing date for replies and say "if you don't reply you will get this starter this main this dessert" You say all questions relating to allergies, ask the restaurant directly. You say first replies will be taken as final replies, no changes of mind. If you are really kind you send a reminder. You collate replies job done. If you are really idle you delegate a family member to do it for you.

Neither did the OP, she assumed, as I would have done, that being invited to a restarant with no mention of needing to choose in advance would mean that she could choose on the night. And yes you are lucky indeed if you have no food intolerances or allergies.

well if the Op is invited by her pils again she certainly should!

Really, we’re all slovenly face stuffing dustbins?
I have no food allergies, must be lucky then I suppose, and only two dislikes that I’ve come across..fresh celery and butter beans…..everyone has food preferences……..
But if any meal that’s been served to me has either of these, I’ve just pushed them to one side and eaten the rest. I certainly don’t expect a whole room full of people to have to adjust their menus for my preferences

Are you serious? Almost all people have something they don’t like. Should we all, when invited to a restaurant meal out, call the restaurant in advance to check it’s not a single option set meal and what has been chosen?

Leave me alone @Gwenhwyfar . Your prods are annoying.
I'm no longer watching the thread.

Well, exactly. It was too complicated for FIL so he went for just one meal, probably as things were done in his childhood.

OP lives 200 miles away so the questions and answers in the family would probably have to be via email, messaging or phone calls, not just pencil and paper. It's an annoying process as anyone who's had to compile replies will know.

"For those of you saying IABU for not checking the set menu beforehand and that it was on me to do so, you have obviously missed what I've said in one of my previous posts. We were NOT informed it was a set menu. Nor did we know that the choice of menu had already been decided for us. We only found this out when we arrived and were already seated at the restaurant. We were simply told that PILs had booked a meal to celebrate their wedding anniversary at X restaurant on X day at X time."

You weren't told anything about the menu beforehand. The restaurant didn't know about your food issues. The PILs were busy organising the occasion and didn't take your issues into account, for whatever reason. You, however, did know about your issues and knew that you knew nothing of the menu, but just made assumptions. You chose not to just quickly check beforehand that the menu would suit you, bearing in mind the possibility, albeit small to you, that you would have a problem.

One quick call from the person most invested in the meal of one person (you) would have either set your mind at rest, or, as in this case, given you the opportunity to make a suitable arrangement. You say that the restaurant could have provided an alternative, but it would take too long. But if you had asked the day before, you could have expected it to be ready with the rest of the food.

You were the person who knew - and cared - the most, but you decided to do nothing and then blame the people who had arranged and organised (and paid for?) the occasion for not remembering your requirements and taking them into account. They also had 19 other people to consider who may have raised all sorts of issues, not necessary food-related.

Thanks. Still seems inconsiderate to assume everyone likes salmon and lamb!