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Original poster

Help! I really need your advice

44 replies

MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 22:48

Hi,

I’ve only been in one relationship ever, and it was the father of my child. We’ve been separated for about 5 years now and I'm in a new relationship. Relationship with my kids dad wasn’t the regular dating then marriage and then kids. It was saw each other for a few weeks, got pregnant….

Please can you guys tell me if this is normal. Im not judging, as I'm unexperienced in the dating world, I would like to know, is it normal for one to keep in contact with multiple Exs to the extent that you go out for lunch, drinks etc. and also keep multiple photos of them even though you are in a relationship?

I just want to know, please be gentle.

OP posts:
Lavendersong · 03/07/2025 03:25

Not that many no

Original poster
MixedSalad · 03/07/2025 03:24

Just to bump this up a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 23:35

alexalisten · 02/07/2025 23:21

No your not. I broke up with someone for this exact reason he would go round his exs house and cook her tea some nights and watch movies it was so weird. Im not even a jealous person but this was to far. He made out I didn't want him to have friends and turned it round making out I was wrong for feeling a certain way then as soon as we split up they where back together

Show quote history

wow! I probably will do the same as you if they were going around their exs to cook and watch movies.

OP posts:
Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 23:23

Lmnop22 · 02/07/2025 23:12

Do you have any cause for concern about these exes other than him being in touch?

Is he reluctant to let you meet them for example or does he go quiet when with them? Act secretive? Have history of cheating?

To be fair i wouldn’t even want to meet them. And no he has no history of cheating at all and not secretive. Although i had to ask for him to tell. He did say he was going to tell me but wasn't sure how. He was very open though when i asked and did say he’d cut contact if that’s what i want. I don’t want to come across as dictating what he should do.

OP posts:
Wolfpinkola · 02/07/2025 23:22

It’s normal if you’re a lesbian, I don’t think normal for a straight man

alexalisten · 02/07/2025 23:21

MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 23:08

This was my thought too but i just wasn’t sure if im being unreasonable and unrealistic

Show quote history

No your not. I broke up with someone for this exact reason he would go round his exs house and cook her tea some nights and watch movies it was so weird. Im not even a jealous person but this was to far. He made out I didn't want him to have friends and turned it round making out I was wrong for feeling a certain way then as soon as we split up they where back together

Lmnop22 · 02/07/2025 23:12

Do you have any cause for concern about these exes other than him being in touch?

Is he reluctant to let you meet them for example or does he go quiet when with them? Act secretive? Have history of cheating?

Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 23:08

alexalisten · 02/07/2025 23:04

No not normal and I wouldn't be ok with it.

This was my thought too but i just wasn’t sure if im being unreasonable and unrealistic

OP posts:
alexalisten · 02/07/2025 23:04

No not normal and I wouldn't be ok with it.

Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 23:00

Luciee94 · 02/07/2025 22:56

That’s true. I see that fairly often.. but do you mean keeps the photos on social media or on his phone?

Show quote history

Okay, got it!

OP posts:
Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 22:59

It’s not me. Im not sure of the duration of these relationships but id say maybe 1-2 years each and they dont have mutual friends. These are past relationships of over 5 years ago.

some pictures are on social media and a few on phone, and laptop.

thank you.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 02/07/2025 22:58

Re the photos, that’s normal imo.

I have all the photos of me and my ex fiancé and father of my kids on my phone and social media etc as well as previous less serious boyfriends. They were still part of my life and I think in the future I would regret it if I deleted all trace of them from my phone and photos just because it didn’t work out romantically. It’ll be nice to be able to look back on previous partners and life stages in the future without having censored them all.

Luciee94 · 02/07/2025 22:56

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 22:55

It depends on what you mean by 'multiple' really.

It's completely normal not to remove past photos from online accounts/social media though.

That’s true. I see that fairly often.. but do you mean keeps the photos on social media or on his phone?

Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 22:56

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 22:55

It depends on what you mean by 'multiple' really.

It's completely normal not to remove past photos from online accounts/social media though.

By multiple i mean about 3-4

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 02/07/2025 22:56

I think it really depends on the situation. How long did they date, why did they break up, do they have lots of mutual friends etc?

If it’s two friends in a wider group who dated and didn’t work out and they still see eachother (mostly in a group but sometimes one on one) then I wouldn’t find that weird. If it’s people who were together recently, didn’t have mutual friends in common and still meet one on one, that’s not normal once a relationship ends in my opinion.

RhaenysRocks · 02/07/2025 22:55

Not generally no. I'm friends with a couple of exes that I had very short, non serious uni relationships with but not my two ex husbands. I'm not asking if it's you who has the pictures or your current boyfriend and his exes because you asked what was normal so it doesn't matter who's who. However, don't die on the altar of "normal". If something works for you or your relationship then it's fine. If something works for lots of people but not for you, that's also fine.

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 22:55

It depends on what you mean by 'multiple' really.

It's completely normal not to remove past photos from online accounts/social media though.

Original poster
MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 22:55

Luciee94 · 02/07/2025 22:53

I wouldn’t say it’s normal or typical no, especially not multiple exes. Are the exes also in new relationships?

Show quote history

No not all. At least 3 of them are currently single.

OP posts:
Luciee94 · 02/07/2025 22:53

MixedSalad · 02/07/2025 22:48

Hi,

I’ve only been in one relationship ever, and it was the father of my child. We’ve been separated for about 5 years now and I'm in a new relationship. Relationship with my kids dad wasn’t the regular dating then marriage and then kids. It was saw each other for a few weeks, got pregnant….

Please can you guys tell me if this is normal. Im not judging, as I'm unexperienced in the dating world, I would like to know, is it normal for one to keep in contact with multiple Exs to the extent that you go out for lunch, drinks etc. and also keep multiple photos of them even though you are in a relationship?

I just want to know, please be gentle.

I wouldn’t say it’s normal or typical no, especially not multiple exes. Are the exes also in new relationships?