Boy showed private parts to Dd in the pool

I don’t know why but some boys do seem to have a bit of a compulsion to flash other kids. When my two were about 7 and 8 we were at a local attraction and they were playing outside with a boy we met there while I was talking to his gran when one of mine came to tell us this boy had pulled
down his pants to show his privates. Gran was mortified and marched him home. I told mine that was a very silly thing to do, privates are private etc.

The following year, when my eldest was 9, we went to a holiday park where there was evening entertainment in the complex and it opened out onto a decking area where lots of children congregated. My two were out there and then my youngest came to inform us that our eldest had gone out and pulled down his trousers and pants to show everyone his privates! Age 9! He did have slight learning difficulties and for whatever reason had thought this would be a funny thing to do in front of these kids he was probably trying to impress! We marched him back to the caravan and read him the riot act.

He’s 17 now and (as far as I know) has never
done anything like that again. So for him I don’t think it was a sign of anything nefarious going on in his life, just him being socially inept and doing things without thinking them through.

The two children who really concerned me with their behaviour were in a school I was working in, years ago. A girl and a boy in the nursery class. They were absolutely obsessed with showing each other their private parts. They could not be allowed near each other without supervision as they would immediately find a quiet corner to pull their pants down. That wasn’t a one off silly moment, it was repeated and obsessive. I always reported the incidents to the safeguarding lead but I’m not sure what happened in the end as I was only at the school for a short time. But those children’s behaviour absolutely worried me.

i would worry the boy is being sexually abused

DS must have been as tall as the average 8 year old when he was 5.

That said, even by 5 my children would have known not to do that.

It wouldn't be a friendship I was encouraging.

Cut her some slack. It happened underwater, probably in less than 10 seconds.

Where were you and his mum when this happened, OP? Kids that young I would expect parents to be watching at all times when in a pool.

Could he have been adjusting his swim shorts rather brazenly not caring rather than deliberately showing her?

8 ish is too old for that behaviour. I don’t hold with any ‘boys will be boys’ nonsense either. You can explain to DD that boy was very rude and completely in the wrong, and praise her for telling you. However, I wouldn’t take her out of any swimming.. it’s the repeating pattern that girls/women remove themselves from male behavioural problems for their own safety, rather than the male being held accountable. This boy should be removed from swimming instead if he flashes his penis at little girls, and his mum should be made aware.

Hmm I think I would want to go back to tell the mum what had happened.
How do you know he was definitely older than DD? It can be hard to judge children based on size and I was wondering if there is the possibility he is actually younger and immature.
I would be chatting to DD too about this not being appropriate and to tell an adult immediately. I am not sure I would have been happy though with her climbing on strangers as that is quite over familiar in terms of space with someone she has just met and I would have stopped this when I saw it going on. I would be talking to her about safe space and touch and who it's ok to be close to.

YANBU. The boy is old enough to know better. You are right to keep your daughter away. Don’t young children get exposed to pornography from a young age?

Please speak to your daughter and tell her that this behaviour is not something she should have to put up with and if this happens again to tell you straight away!

Also have a word with your husband.

I put you are being unreasonable, because there's no way I would have allowed them to be jumping on each other's backs etc, with the age gap and the fact they only just met.

I wouldn’t go back but I would tell your dad why. She needs to know it’s not acceptable behaviour and she shouldn’t tolerate it

Praise her for telling you. Explain she did the right thing because the boy shouldn’t have been showing his willy and that she should always tell you if anyone does anything like that. Short and factual. Starting with praise will reassure her and won’t make a big deal about it whilst getting the message across.

Agree with your approach. Yes re-iterate the message, but try not give her the impression that you’re too alarmed about it because then she might feel like she’s done something wrong, when she hasn’t.

My 6 year old boy knows this isn't ok and private parts are private, they learned this from reception and we'd had similar chats. He loves a toilet joke as much as the next small boy but showing your penis isn't just boys being silly especially by 8.

The op thinks he is 8, but it could be he is you ger than the op thinks.

It was possibly innocent but it’s just not a risk worth taking. Always listen to your gut.

An 8 year should know it's inappropriate. I don't know if it's common like DH said but he also shouldn't be accepting of it and playing it down. He should be telling his daughter it is unacceptable and she should not accept this kind of behaviour from a boy (or girl ofcourse) and that private parts are private.