To not follow school uniform rules?

RTFT

If she would rather suck up the detentions than change shoes, which it sounds to me like she would rather do with the lying about the pencil case business, I’d just let her do that. She’s 14 and wants to make that choice. Yes, the whole thing is bloody ridiculous but if she’s happy with that outcome then I’d respect that.

My prediction will be the head will let her wear the shoes as you are struggling with income. So I wouldn’t panic.

I have autism. I had to follow school uniform rules despite hating uniform for various sensory reasons. I hated unfamiliar school shoes. Several of the kids at my schools had autism, some were more affected by it than me.

if she can’t cope with the uniform and won’t wear other shoes she needs to be in a non uniform school, SEN school or be homeschooled.

if your daughter refuses to wear school shoes she cannot attend a school with a uniform policy

re reading this she may just have to suck up the detentions.

so yes YABU

"Its ludicrous. I will phone on Tuesday to rearrange the meeting for later in the week because Im not wasting my time (and presumably the HOY has better things to do too). I'll just do that over and over if necessary until they either see sense or give up" - I agree, I would do this, with 2 weeks left, and your daughter in sensible enough shoes, the job is done. Whereas I quite like a good standard and respect a basic set of rules, there are some mad things that go on iro of uniform. If anyone (esp. from the North) remembers the snow which started late Nov 2009 until Jan 2010, whilst lovely in some respects, meant that children were trudging to school in it - our local school only allowed children to wear certain types of shoes, which for girls was a black t bar or dolly style shoe with socks, boys faired a bit better (I had one of each at the school), but both styles of shoe for girls were completely unacceptable given the weather, they sat all day in wet cold socks and drenched shoes. Wellies or sturdy boots would have been far more suitable. No dice. I know it is a different set of circumstances, but stick to your guns, and if you have to resort to a few white lies to achieve your aim, then do it. You are not being unreasonable,

Why don’t you have a look on Vinted for the school shoes she really likes to wear at this current school. You might get a pair for a couple of pounds that will do the job for next two weeks. Worn but good condition shoes often sell for £3-5! Worth a look!

Did you post this exact thing a couple of days ago, except now the DC is suspected to be autistic (of course they are! 🤔)

You might as well give someone with autism the choice of diving to the Titanic or climbing Everest.

This sort of bollocks is exactly what turned me from being initially very pro school uniform to now thinking it needs to be scrapped.

I'd be ill on the day you're supposed to meet and discuss your concerns so it can be delayed longer and then maybe they'd say there's no point now.

Uniform rules are insane and I'm so glad I left them behind.

I respect both your delaying strategy and your daughter's choice to lie about the detentions. That is pretty clever of her. It would be a bit hypocritical to tell her off for lying about that when you are similarly lying about your availability though!

British schools are criminally insane about uniforms.

It would be nice to see a non-useless government passing legislation making these kind of uniform rules illegal, with mandatory prison sentences for school staff who try to enforce them.

Can you not buy her some shoes now? They would still be okay in September.

So you haven't bought the new school shoes for the new school yet?

I would buy the shoes that the new school will accept, and expect the old school to tolerate whatever minor differences those shoes have to their expectations. That's much more reasonable than expecting them to tolerate boots which are a clear violation.

Yanbu to refuse to fork out for something new for the sake of 15 days.

We had an issue with a jacket that got ripped and unusable a few weeks before the end of the last year at school, and we were allowed to raid the eevond hand uniform sale stores (normally only brought out in the first week of each term) abd get a quick replacement. Might an appeal toa whatsapp group find a pair if acceptable 2nd hand shoes that a larger child grew out of?

How ridiculous some schools are! My 14 year old wears plain black trainers and it hasn’t affected her learning one bit

DS is in his black trainers for the last couple of weeks, he's outgrown his school shoes and the trainers are a size bigger having wrecked the last pair by Easter.
He's had 2 pairs of trainers (plus the pair left over from summer term last year that he wrote until October half term) and 3 pairs of school shoes this academic year, due to how quickly he is growing. Spoke to his teacher and she said gosh don't buy new shoes for a few weeks the rate he's going he'll be grown out of them by September anyway. It was a nice common sense approach

I feel for your situation but I think from school’s perspective it’s a slippery slope because if they don’t keep rigorous standards and start letting some kids wear different bits and bobs for different reasons then everyone else wants to do the same and it will cause discord.

If you’re going to have to have the dreaded day out selecting new school shoes for next year anyway and they’ll still fit, couldn’t you buy shoes that are suitable for next year now and have her wear them for the last few days of this year? Surely they shoes that are acceptable for next year aren’t totally unacceptable for this school/year?

Also not particularly comfy for her to wear walking boots for the next two weeks in the boiling hot summer…

You are not unreasonable.

All this wasted time and energy on petty uniform issues infuriates me. I used to be very pro- school uniform and thought the smart appearance was important but after witnessing a couple of years of all the issues I really wish schools would either drop uniforms altogether or completely change them to something the kids would be happy to wear and comfortable in (perhaps based more on their PE kits). Wearing ties to school in 2025 feels so out dated. Many office workers don’t even wear ties these days.

Surely they’d be more likely to focus on learning if they feel comfortable and the teachers would have more time to focus on more important issues.

I'd be loath to buy new school shoes with so little time left until the holidays, sods law your DD will have a growth spurt before the autumn term starts.

On a side note for the last 8 years I've purchased the same type of shoes and socks purely because they're a good fit and extremely comfortable.

I think both this school and the new school are being ludicrous.

Long past time we just dumped uniform. I cannot understand British people’s love for it.

Does the school have an environmental type policy - ie that it's environmentally unfriendly to buy a new pair of shoes 2 weeks before the end of term, especially when she has a plain black pair that she can be wearing.
Alternatively, refuse to send her in for the last few days due to the additional stress they are causing through these petty detentions.