To be so fucking reasonable all the time

58 replies

Dullasfuck · 02/07/2025 19:33

I'm 45. I have two children, 9 and 11, and a very nice husband. I'm British, living in Spain, and DH is Spanish.

Every single thing I do seems to be driven by what is reasonable. I eat all my veggies and my fibre and my protein, I make my kids so the same, i do my exercise, I don't drink much because peri-menopause says no, I am completely reliable at work, I am as even-tempered as I can manage, when I am socialising I am the goofy English woman who speaks fluent Spanish but without the nuance or 90s cultural references of the friend group.

I am completely fed up of my entire life being so reasonable. I miss the stupid nights out of my 20s, or just eating whatever I want because why the fuck not, or just sometimes drinking too much and leaving everything behind me. I think about the nights out in my 20s, in a culture I understand through and through, just drinking and chatting to everyone around me and smoking cigarettes because why the fuck not?

I know I'm incredibly lucky- luckier than I could ever have imagined in my 20s - to have children and a nice DH and a job I enjoy. So why do I feel like a caged animal who just for an hour or two wants to give absolutely no fucks?

OP posts:

whitewineandsun · 02/07/2025 19:44

Itchytoe · 02/07/2025 19:35

You don’t once mention a single friend

I am the goofy English woman who speaks fluent Spanish but without the nuance or 90s cultural references of the friend group.

She does.

OP, you're probably bored. Your life sounds nice but predictable. Can't you go away for a weekend to a not-so-sensible location and leave the children with your husband? Don't lose yourself.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/07/2025 19:43

I am a big fan of occasionally casting caution to the winds (in a small and very reasonable way, obviously). Can you take the odd day, just for you? Head off out for the day, eat too much ice cream, go to a funny film, have a glass of wine? You don't have to go totally mad, but a small amount of cautionless behaviour, with the concomitant extra couple of pounds and possible headache, might remind you of what you dislike about what you think you're missing.

Nicflowers82 · 02/07/2025 19:43

No advice really, but I feel like this sometimes and I live in my home country! So YANBU. Maybe some of it is just the predictability of life at this age whereas 20 years ago you’d have been commitment-free, mortgage free, child free etc etc and could do anything wild and frivolous that you wanted to at the drop of a hat, and not have to think about the consequences or think about anyone else .
And then on top of that you are not in your home country and are understandably feeling a pang of wanting to be ‘home’. I did live for a while in another country with a different language and did feel a bit like I lost my ‘home ‘ personality when I had to think and speak in that language and country. Like I wasn’t quite ‘me’ . So I totally get your point about it being harder work to live without all those cultural references . Would a trip home help , maybe see some old friends and let your hair down ? Scratch the itch, so to speak ?!

BloodyHellBob · 02/07/2025 19:40

It’s called being a grown up and it’s a bit shit sometimes 😑

PullTheBricksDown · 02/07/2025 19:37

Are you staying in Spain permanently OP and has that been talked about rationally too? It would be very understandable to be having a mid life wobble that you aren't going 'home'

Itchytoe · 02/07/2025 19:35

You don’t once mention a single friend

AbzMoz · 02/07/2025 19:35

I am so sorry OP but really laughing at the irony of voting that you’re not being unreasonable!

Original poster

Dullasfuck · 02/07/2025 19:34

To add, I always wanted to be married and have children. I know that the children are more important than anything else I could possibly hope for. So why the dissatisfaction?

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