To be so fucking reasonable all the time

Someone I know is lives a very pure vegan life but on her 2 trips abroad per year she eats meat for every meal 😂 she says what happens abroad doesn’t count

I think this is also very reasonable. I feel like this too sometimes so I gather my naughtiest mates and go feral (drinks, dancing, may or may not partake in the occassional party drug) for a night. I feel terrible for a few days afterwards but also lighter and refreshed.

I think old friends that you grew up with, and got pissed together.Smoked a joint, shared tales of BF are priceless.Everyone loses a little bit of themselves when they marry and have DC. Your new friends see you as a grown up.safe and a little bland .Can u see some friends from the UK maybe a trip home beckons? Perimeno pause can bring up feelings like these

You need a yearly girls trip. Every year I go away with my best pal abroad for four nights and we just leave life behind and have four nights of silliness, laughs and dancing. It does you good to just go a bit crazy now and again @Liketheclappers
Totally agree - i do this with my sister- not abroad but normally a gig to see a band we both swoon over. We have a ball and I always come home knackered but refreshed and feeling like 'me' again. Keep on at her to get a passport so we can go further afield!

Could you take up a spirt that demands some risk taking eg scuba diving/ sailiing/ etc. Somewhere on your own where you can have an adventure, challenge yourself and especially have fun.

You sound intellectually bored. Couldn’t you do the same job from Spain, maybe commuting over once a month for a few days?

I mean, you know you can do some of these things. You don't need anyone's permission. Eat some cake, have a smoke, have a drink. No one is stopping you.

I think almost every mother in her 40s feels this way. Women in their 40s don't think about themselves because they're busy taking care of everyone else. And yes, that breeds contempt. But, my dear, somewhere between now and 10 years into the future, you will go through menopause, and your perspective will change. You might have a hard time with it, but you will come out the other end still being responsible and respectful, but kinda not giving a shit about some of the things you give a shit about now, and that will feel incredible and liberating, and you'll find the old you again, and you'll be delighted with yourself.

I am 49. My kids are still young-ish, but old enough to do stuff we like together. Their dad has left but we're still on good terms. Things are fantastic for everyone.

I was a bit like this when the kids were little but now they are teens I have gone completely off the rails. I go out loads, dancing (taking naughty things about twice a year that my 35 year old self would have been shocked about), drinking a few nights a week, gigs, parties, eating cake (actually that never stopped). Life is for living!

This has to be one of the most self-indulgent threads ever.

You have choices and options, use them.

To be honest this sums it up.

I do understand you. I had moments of feeling like that in years gone by. Little mad moments "I don't want to do all these fucking chores and sensible past times today. I want to get shit faced and cut some shapes on a dance floor till 2am" but really what I was saying is "I need a break". And it sounds really cheesy and sad. But I'd do some housework and stick my ear phones in and play some banging dance tunes and it felt a bit better 😄. Just a few moments of escapism.

Of course, some people do try to still do those social things they did before children. I can see the appeal. And maybe it works for them. But personally, I do think once you have a family you kind of owe it to your children to do the "sensible family " role until they're independent. But that's only my opinion.

Perhaps you need a little break. A night out with friends once in a while. A spa day (even if it's on your own ) a bed day if kids go to school ? I swear by a proper lazy day. Just bed and telly and comfort food. Once in a blue moon it recharges you.

I think you're trying to be too "good". We are sold a lot of lies with having the perfect diet and exercise regime's but there's no guarantees in life. Everything in balance and moderation is your goal: not perfection. Have the cake, have the full fat coke, just be a bit more 'sensible' what you eat the next day to balance it out.

Stop trying to be perfect. Step away from the books/media/internet preaching. Live a little.

From your OP I was thinking you were having a Miranda July All Fours moment. And you may be (have you read it?)... but your update said you used to have a creative, interesting job using your voice. Do you have those outlets now? You could wrote the next All Fours!

It sounds like you played it safe and now have a lovely but predictable life. There's a part of you that maybe would have liked something more bohemian.
The grass is always greener though

I get it. Similar age and life except the spain part.
I was a wild child, completely off the rails in my teens.
I am now the most boring mother fucker that walked the earth.
I dress sensibly, water my lawn, drive under the speed limit, drink on occassion, sort my socks, fold my pants and am never late for work.
Sometimes I eonder how i turned into a twee middle aged lady from being a complete reprobate when I was young. Literally noone could guess if you met me 😂

Gosh!!! I feel this exactly......yet without the Spanish angle - I think it must be an age thing fundamentally. I suggest a small dose of doing what the duck you want & sod the consequences.

You need a purpose. You had an interesting and important job. You’ve got things to do and you won’t find it in a pub.

I think it’s also to do with always moving forward for something - my focus was always on the next goal and now I’m wondering what’s next as I’ve got the life I always wanted. I had to find myself new goals and to be honest watching my oldest about to approach her twenties I just feel tired thinking about how much effort that all involves and I’m then glad for my content predictable life

I was like this until my early 40s then I thought fuck it. I got divorced and have a new partner, we love going out either having drinks or not. We sometimes sit up til 4 in the morning chatting and listening to music. We even stayed up until 8 am one night accidentally. My family/friends have started going to day discos, drinking cocktails and letting yourself go on the dancefloor with other females is so therapeutic and we're home for 7pm lol. I see older relatives who've been good all.their lives living to a ripe old age but most of them have health problems anyway, some serious. I'd rather just do what I want and take the consequences. I'm still healthy 60% of the time. I've suffered depression since I was young and now I'm in my 50s I don't want to waste any time. I don't think I'll be on my death bed saying oh I wish I hadn't had that glass of wine with my pizza or got drunk with my partner and laughed til we cried. Life is for living. What's the point of being healthy all the time when there is no fun? I was a party girl when I was young and in my mid twenties I gave it up, 15 years later I felt life was passing me by.

You’re doing that middle class thing of living respectably but not authentically.

They did some research with hundreds of dying folks and that was the thing most people regretted. That they hadn’t lived a life that was authentic to their real self.

You have a great life. Now think about what you really want and live a real one.

Incidentally, if you come back to the UK for a careless weekend...

BIG SECRET THAT DOCTORS DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!! GPs WANT THIS POST BANNED!!!!! READ IT NOW BEFORE IT'S TAKEN DOWN!!!!!

Cigarettes in a country you don't live in don't count.

True. Totally true. Especially if you're drinking.

YANBU but if you didn’t have a lovely husband and two children in Spain, and were instead single with lots of freedom in England, you’d probably pine after the idea of a happy sunny family life sometimes.

Eat the cake, drink the wine, book the holiday indulge now and again. You can’t live by the rules ALL the time!

The secret is letting the bear out of the cage every now and then. Have a blowout, a drunken night out, take yourself off for a weekend somewhere, binge all your favourite foods.
Then being sensible the rest of the time won’t feel so boring.
They are gone now but I cared for both my parents also while having kids.. I nearly went mad.. then I started having the odd night of getting dressed up, taking myself out to some clubs and bars and seeing where the night takes me, dancing and chatting to people. Wake up hungover but feeling alive. Then I was able to deal with the heavy responsibilities better

Most people mature as they grow up. Obviously not you.

I’m the same age as you and feel exactly the same.

I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I have fabulous, healthy, bright, talented kids. Both Dh and I are healthy. We have enough money. My job is interesting and well paid.

And I have so many fucking lists of things to do. And I do everything right. And yet the list keeps on growing.

Have you heard of the author Sophie Kinsella? (Real name Madeline Wickham - wrote the Shopaholic books.) She has an incurable brain tumour that will eventually kill her. When her husband asked her how she wanted to spend her life she said that she wanted to live her life “normal life but nicer”. So buy the expensive cheese that she likes best not the “nearly as nice and half the price” other cheese. Get the better seats at the theatre etc. I am trying to do that even though I am not dying. Live my life (which is very pleasant) but nicer. Admittedly the best I have done so far is that we went to the pub for dinner on a Friday night as the weather was nice and we sat out in the sunshine and then when we got home I thought “sod it” and didn’t put my usual Friday night dark load wash on. Hey - it’s a start! 😂