4yo DD says she’s a boy and I’m being accused of pushing her

If there is a uniform then she needs to wear it. She can melt down all she likes, she wears it. Let her know that what she wears, or what she likes playing with or doing has nothing to do with her sex - but she is a girl just like mummy - and everything to do with being the person she it.
But she wears the dress. It's the uniform.

I so profoundly disagree with this attitude. It insists we conform to gender stereotypes. That's what drives kids to believe if girls have short hair they must be boys.

Please reinforce the belief that she can do what she likes with her hair/clothes/shoes/playtime/friendships. None of these define whether or not she is a girl. Biology does that for her. Everything else is personality and preference and she does not ever have to conform to some restrictive notion of what it means to be a girl, especially ridiculous and very recent conformist ideas that she should wear long hair when on hot days she'd rather have short hair or buying flimsy shoes when she'd rather have robust ones.

My girls wear polo shirts and shorts to school because they’re better for football and cartwheels than dresses. Never has a teacher ever suggested I’m trans-ing them for this - and as a gender critical feminist they’d soon regret it if they did! I find it very odd that teachers would have an issue with girls wearing shorts - it’s certainly no issue at all in our very normal village school.

Snap. But my son told me he was a dog. At home he would lap water for a bowl. But for nursery he wore clothes and was a boy.

yes @OP you’re encouraging it and you need to stop. She is 4 and you’re the adult. She wears the uniform for her sex at school., what she wants at home, a short pixie cut is fine, but really she could easily have her hair up and if she moans at it getting bushed, then tough luck. Even boys have to comb their hair.

stop pandering to her. Seems you just want attention that she is different or you just can’t be arsed parenting her and therefore give into to her every whim.

She isn't a boy. She is a girl and should be taught even at this ages the uniform rules at nursery. If the uniform is dresses for girls then that's it.

My mum would make me wear cycling shorts under my dresses so that my knickers weren't on show 24/7 as I was always doing handstands against walls so I could stay up for longer.

My sister was the biggest tomboy that walked, we called her Rambo as she was always doing the opposite of me, I was your girl with long hair and everything pink hated getting dirty and now she is a right girly girl and I couldn't be bothered with make up or anything remotely pink lol

At 3 and 4 my Gds would often dress up - with his slightly older sister - they were very close - in all sorts of girly or princess dresses. A year or so later he would turn his nose up. Now nearly 9, he’s only into ‘Boy’ things, with a vengeance.

My daughter was exactly like this.

She continued for a few years, wore boys shorts at school, wore batman outfits at mufty day rather than princess dresses.

We let her get on with it told her to say they're not boys clothes they're my clothes.

She was diagnosed autistic at 9 and then was led down the gender path a bit by CAMHS. We'd told her there was nothing to force a girl to wear gendered clothing that she felt uncomfortable in. and there was nothing wrong with girls wanting to play with toys typically played with by boys or sports like football or cricket and she cracked on with it. She told CAMHS that she didn't idenitify as a boy as girls can be like her (whoever gives girls the idea they can't wear and do what they want????!!!!)

Post puberty she is now experimenting a bit more with more female cut clothes and has grown her hair and she hasn't told us but we think she's gay, no problem with that obv.

Honestly all this trans stuff is insidious. Imagine letting a four year old girl think she's a boy.

There are large numbers of autisitc girls who idenitfy as trans or non -binary. Some are going on to have cross sex hormones and mastectomies, it's just sickening.

MN: let toys be toys, girls can do whatever they want.
Also MN: You can’t give a girl a boys’ hair cut.

What absolute nonsense. I'd be furious at the double standards too OP.

My tough as nails boy has waist length hair. His little girlfriend has a crop.

What IS girls hair? And why do girls have to wear dresses.

This is SUCH a regressive attitude. She's not in training to be a Stepford Wife clone.

Oh chill out & don’t be so dramatic, she’s 4 , she will grow out of it !
Not a big deal cutting her hair or leaving her wear the clothes she wants to wear ..
Why would OP approach in a way where it causes loads of stress & tears ..
It’s a phase ..
My daughter wore Woody costume until she was about 6 ! Everywhere ! I use to have to wash the 2 I had & have ready every day for her !
Toystory was the bomb, & we look back & laugh 😂
Everything doesn’t have to be so deep …

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it - it’s all very superficial at this age no matter what concerned staff or the pearl clutchers might say. I have two boys , and my youngest had this exact phase when he was 4. I let him have a dress at one point, and yes he went out in public and was enraged when other children referred to him as a boy in a dress and not a girl! Funnily enough, I was very much a tomboy growing up (tracksuits, trousers, trainers, absolutely would NOT be caught dead in a gingham school summer dress/pinafore/skirt) and am now very comfortable wearing dresses most days for work etc. It’s almost like having the ability to choose what I would like to wear as a child helped build my confidence to comfortably express myself as an adult ?! Shocker.

What do you mean by "boy haircut" ? Since when are girls not allowed to have short hair ? I thought this forum was UK based, not in Saudi Arabia 🙄

Exactly this. Why can't all children just wear shorts?

I wouldn't try to force her into any more dresses. Some girls just don't like it. She is learning all this shit from school. They are still very regressive about gender and probably stereotype the kids a lot. Then the kids pick up on it and become little gender Nazis. She will have picked up that the girls are constantly restricted. I'd be asking them if the girls are limited at the school and get them to really think about it. Having to wear dresses and long hair is one example. God sake my Mum was refusing dresses in the 1950s! She's a buzz cut and trousers kind of woman. It's sad that things haven't changed.

I don't think girls should be forced to wear dresses, uniforms need to have an option for shorts/trousers. We're no longer in the 19th century.

@whatfreshhell0 i was with you untill you said she is “FOUR” she knows what she wants ! Seriously ?

No she wants to be like her brothers she doesn’t want to be male. She is in a male dominated environment but she will find her own way.

How like her brothers is this hair cut?
if it’s a boys hair cut I think your doing wrong nothing wrong with getting it short though.

Can’t she wear the girls t shirt school top instead of boys clothes ?

Yes she is FOUR she does not know what she wants .

Yes. This.

Are you joking!? Why should she? The school should have the same uniform for everyone, or allow any child to wear whichever one they want. It's 2025, not the seventies. Your attitude is what is making kids think they are trans because people are associating clothes with sex. Madness.

😆😆😆

She’s 4. She needs guidance from you to confirm that she is a girl not a boy , you repeat this until she is 18 if need be and then it s up to her.
Dont let her make any decisions that you should be making, she wears the uniform. Boys hair cut was wrong , you could have tied it up for her everyday in the heat and yes she wears girls clothing.
shes not a boy , rinse and repeat
too many parents are scared to parent properly and lets kids make decisions their not mentally ready for .
Don’t be that parent .

My DD needs insoles so has to wear 'boys' trainers type shoes. Never been an issue with her peers or teachers.

This