Adult children still at home

Doesn't sound like you're really providing any motivation to move out 😁

Well that's what they are waiting for then. For you to sell the house in two years. I would not hoever do any washing or ironing for them or touch their rooms.

My DDs did chores from being around 10. As adults they cook for themselves (unless a family meal) do their own laundry , babysitting and dog walking plus keep their rooms and shared bathroom clean. They are 23 and25. 25 year old is in process of moving out . They pay £200 each and will get some food shops.

Fuck such life, OP. Sorry.
I would be looking at exiting myself, whichever suitable way for you.

Most people in their 30's with a brain would not be buying into the property market right now when prices are at the top.

Is this a stepkids issue or a DH issue?

I say that because I was the parent who let her kids freeload, and dh was the one who resented it.

I let them get away with it because I felt guilty for giving them a crap father, guilty for breaking up the marriage with their crap father and exposing them to him, I was afraid they wouldn't love me if I said no, I was an arch avoidant... Not something a quick conversation would ever fix. And if it came to a choice I would have had to choose them over him.

So don't underestimate what might be going on, but do address it.

I’m sorry I really don’t get this. My fifteen year old does household chores. She did when she was 6! All appropriate to her age of course. It’s bizarre to me that anybody would think they get to do nothing towards keeping where they live in a decent state. Please tell me they at least do their own stuff like washing their own clothes?

What do you mean they don’t do chores? Do the houseelves do their laundry? Because I wouldn’t be? I’d talk to dp about giving them a night each to cook for the family and have nothing provided those nights. And if they wont do it then I wouldn’t be cooking for them either. I’m quite happy coming home and doing some veggies and eggs on toast, in about 20 years I can do that again regularly. You could do it now…

I wondered if the op move in with them and is also free loading? She does not say she does chores or pays her way just that they don’t.

If its his house, and presumably they were there when you married him, it's up to them really. Your main concern should be the chores. How are they distributed?

Both my adult sons lived at home in early adulthood. Eldest until he was 34 and youngest until he was 28. Both did household chores eldest emptying rubbish bin, recycling, loading and emptying the dishwasher and youngest steam mopped kitchen, when big shop arrives he puts it all away and rotates tins so newest ones go to back. Both did their own laundry including bedding and both cooked once a week for whole family. Plus they'd do any other little jobs I asked if them like peg out or bring in my laundry from washing line. I enjoyed having them there whilst they saved up deposits and I saw them mature into thoughtful and competent young men. When they left I knew they could manage to run their homes. You should have brought them up with having to do a few chores.

Well your DH has removed all incentive to save or get cracking then by telling them that!

When the house is sold will you downsize, so living with you is no longer an option? If DSC are on good money, they can start planning for that change now, by bolstering their own deposit / saving for renovations, emergency fund etc. They should be paying a contribution to bills at a proportionate rate and an amount that bridges the gap to mortgage / private rent. You may choose to gift this back to them, but they aren’t getting a grasp of a real adult budget at the moment which at nearly 30 is very scary.

They need to learn housework now else they’ll have a very rude awakening when they do move (or more likely, they won’t bother). If you don’t do the chores, what happens? They are not paying ‘housekeeping’ because you’re not a bloody maid.

It was all ok until you got to the last phrase - no chores

its fine ro have them at home really - not everyone wants ro live on their own

buf at that age they should be doing the majority or chores if they are at home - assuming you still work

Tell them the rent will increase by £20 each month. Don't buy food, cook, clean, do washing, ironing for them. You are enabling their life of luxury.

I left home at 18, never been back.

Perhaps tell them they need to move out.

Oh wow, your DH and his kids should be embarrassed. Does DH not see that by promising them large sums of money when the house sells, that he is making the problem worse? The grown up kids should be embarrassed that they are not self sufficient.

I feel for you, they all need a swift kick up the backside.

Sounds very much like a husband problem. He clearly gets to decide all this. He clearly supports their laziness. He should be ashamed of himself for leaving his kids so unprepared and ill equipped for adult life.

Ds 22 is back post uni, making it very clear he's home to save for his own place, but he like all the others pays rent ( just about covers what he eats) does his own washing and cooks / helps out round the house alot as dh has health issues. He is useful and it out way of helping him on the housing ladder, yours on the other hand don't seem to have many plus points

You don't have a step-kid problem, you have a DH problem. Is it partly your house? Is this coming out of your half?

It is hard. Kids should naturally detach and live independently but in the current climate it’s hard.
Our relationships improved when they eventually moved out.
You fall quickly back into adult/child dynamic, even when you try hard not to.