Adult children still at home

@Butterfly1728 I’m guessing from your updates that nothing has changed since the summer?

It’s less about how much they pay, it’s not doing laundry/cleaning/other household chores that would frustrate me. Adult children having older adults running around after them is ridiculous, your Dad and SM aren’t your unpaid servants.

@Butterfly1728 Your DP has allowed this and quite frankly, he’s daft. I’m glad that you’re moving in two years, at least that’ll be an end to this.

More than the kids, not the husband.

I am 31 single parent my daughter is 8. Currently living at my mums! This country is too hard to possibly just move out! Going private is so expensive! Not possible to get a council house either, been told many times after trying to seek help from the council! Luckily my mum has a 4 bed so we have our own rooms, and I do clean, pay rent, and buy my own food and cook for myself and my daughter.

But I can understand why their still at home unfortunately! It's not easy, like everyone thinks.

Wow, where do I get someone to move in and start paying the lion's share of the bills without any risk of the home being considered a shared asset and make food and do the chores around the house?

@Skybluepinky

well, they’re be right sad acts if they did

Carefully phrased. So you 'chip in' in the same way they do, or are you paying the market rate rent/mortgage levels that you mentioned in relation to them earlier?

The median age for first marriage in the UK is 30 (figures for 2020) for women, the same median average as for the first child.

Must just be a different mindset - I imagine they’re banking on the money they’ve been told they will get. I moved out when I was 17 and wanted to be independent- was working myself. Bought my first house at 20. It was hard. I didn’t want DS to struggle financially like I did. But I didn’t want him to be a guy who relied on someone else to do his cooking and cleaning either so I started him out helping with tidying and taught him how to use the washing machine at about 10 yo - maybe I was too harsh. He always seemed happy to help out though and he’s also pretty good at DIY now and he’s not yet 30.

Most people married with kids by 30?

lol.

Yeah right...

my DS lived at home until 24. He stayed at home when at uni and doing post grad, and also worked PT in a supermarket. When he qualified he stayed at home for a couple of years. I didn’t charge any rent but he was saving hard for a deposit and building up some savings and I didn’t charge any ‘board’ because he did housework, his own laundry and the odd bit of batch cooking (that, with the housework being shared, really helped out because it meant I didn’t have to do it all when I got in from work after a 14hr day at work).

when he moved out I got him some furniture and shared an inheritance I’d got. I’d never begrudge him that, he’s a hard worker and I was happy to do that.

I think if I wasn’t working and had adult child at home I’d definitely have charged him rent but would have carried on doing all the housework myself. As we shared all of the house chores it was a contribution and I feel it was teaching him good habits.

I think OP should start insisting they at least do some housework, and I’d definitely not be doing any of their laundry!

@Steelworks I completely agree with you re. learning life skills before they move into their own places. Even if their Dad gives them a lump sum to get on the housing ladder, they’ll still need furniture, etc. How will they afford that without any savings? Not to mention ongoing budgeting for bills.
It’s going to be a huge shock when they move out.

You say you “pay your way and do chores” but what does pay your way mean? I think you should contribute only a quarter of the bills and no more in this situation. If your step children barely contribute financially, and do no chores plus will receive a sum of money from the equity when the property is sold, your DH should feel the consequence of it.

Are you downsizing simply to help them financially or is this a way of making them move out (or both, of course). Why 2 years?

Oh I agree, I bought without any family help and left home at 18 for uni and never went back. But that said, I can see that at this point it’s financially sensible to hang on for the money if I knew if was coming. That doesn’t explain why they didn’t move out ten years ago though!

My mum was always very clear that we were to move our at 18 and she would financially support that until 21 (so while we were at uni), and moving back home was only a last resort option as she wanted us to be independent as early as possible - so I think this did help my mindset as I had to plan ahead rather than assuming I’d move home after uni.

Who does their cooking. Washing, etc. if you do it, then stop. They can do their own washing from no on.

I have a young adult in the house and he regularly cooks. Must admit, I do his washing as it’s easier to chuck it all together. But he’ll change his bedding, put his clothes away, hoover (when asked), clean bathroom (when nagged), clean the car etc . He’s also saving money and paying rent, pays car insurance etc

Apart from anything, they need these life skills for when they move into their own place. Also, if they’re not saving, it’s going to come as a bit of a shock when they have to start paying the mortgage, bills , food etc as their money won’t be theirs to spend anymore.

DD is 27 and lives at home, albeit she stays at her boyfriend's 2/3 nights a week.

DS was always welcome to live at home and bounced back a couple of times. He's 30 and married now.

Neither dh nor I had the opportunity to live at home; DH miles away and my mother had divorced and remarried twice by the time I was 21 so I was not welcome.

I have always been absolutely clear that our children are always welcome here: to visit or to live, or as a refuge if necessary - it hasn't been.

We don't take keep as such from dd, we have no need of it. She tidies after herself, cooks for us once a week and transfers £150 pcm towards the cleaner who cleans her room and does her laundry. She had the option to do it herself.

The current arrangement suits and we are all happy with it. Not least dd because we live a 20 minute walk from her place of work. She saves, can freely spend and do the things twenty somethings shoukd without worries. She is kind and thoughtful and it's nice to have her around.

That’s the reason they are living at home then.

get them to pull their weight.

put a chart on the wall where everyone can see it. Bins, cooking rota, hoover, bathrooms, etc. not sure what the problem is.

By 30 I was married and living in the second property I had bought.

None of my friends were still at home.

I could not imagine still living with my parents at that age. Do they have long term partners?

(Im now in my early 30s, so I’m not talking about generations ago).

But in your case, if they’re expecting a lump sum in 2 years I can see why they might be hanging on to add that to their deposit.