To ask why some men seem so unsettled or suspicious of women who are estranged from their fathers or families, especially when the estrangement is by choice?

32 replies

EdgyTaupePoet · 02/07/2025 12:26

I’ve noticed a pattern, especially in dating: when a woman mentions that she’s no-contact with her dad or estranged from her family, some men seem visibly uncomfortable or start making assumptions. It’s rarely seen neutrally. There’s this underlying suspicion - as if a woman must be the problem if she chose distance or that it somehow makes her “untrustworthy” or “difficult.”

But if a man says he’s estranged from her father, people are more likely to empathise or assume he had a good reason. Why the double standard?

OP posts:

Mummyratbag · 02/07/2025 12:38

I'd only see a red flag if someone was estranged from lots of people (unless they were connected ie/ an abusive ex and their family etc) If someone is estranged from lots of unrelated people I would wonder if they were the problem (no matter what gender).

nocoolnamesleft · 02/07/2025 12:34

Abusive men might think “bugger, this one might actually leave when I get nasty so no point pursuing “?

phoenixrosehere · 02/07/2025 12:34

rwalker · 02/07/2025 12:32

I think people are intrigued when anyone is estranged from family gender has nothing to do with it

Agree, especially if they don’t know or have never experienced problematic family members or dynamics.

You see it on here all the time.

Marinamay44 · 02/07/2025 12:33

I find that a lot of men judge everything that women do. I just do what I want.

rwalker · 02/07/2025 12:32

I think people are intrigued when anyone is estranged from family gender has nothing to do with it

DiscoPig · 02/07/2025 12:31

I haven't noticed this, ever, to be honest. I mean, some people are uneasy with the mere idea of permanent estrangement from immediate family, anyway, but I haven't noticed that it's gendered, particularly. The person I know who is made most alarmed by the mere idea of people of either sex being estranged from their parents is my mother.

But I imagine some of it comes from the deeply sexist idea that daughters need to behave in a daughterly manner all their lives, dropping in, helping out etc, therefore it's much 'worse' when a woman is estranged from a parent.

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 12:30

But if a man says he’s estranged from her father, people are more likely to empathise or assume he had a good reason.

Really? I've never seen that.

Are you looking for a double standard where there perhaps isn't one?

I think most of us wonder about these sorts of things when it comes to a potential date.

I'd personally want to know why he's estranged and how many others he's estranged from.

Once I had that info, then I'd make my decision.

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