To ask why some men seem so unsettled or suspicious of women who are estranged from their fathers or families, especially when the estrangement is by choice?

I'd feel the same about a man who disclosed that.

Obviously some people have a legitimate reason, but also I've met narcissists and attention seekers that cut people off in a flash when they are no longer of use.

I also like to see how a man treats his family/friends to get a feel for him. If that's missing early on it just introduces a question mark not worth bothering with.

Same for me, once I explain it is never questioned but I rarely get into it unless someone asks me directly. Even extended family members don’t question it because the situation was very bad.

I don’t generally have many heavy relationships with people these days just nice normal easy relationships because I was quite the “fixer” until I confronted my family issues so in that way estrangement has had a very positive impact on my relationships.

My husband understood within 2 minutes of meeting DM. I'd only told him superficial details until then, but he supports me completely.

Not a red flag at all.
Just because people are related by birth fosent mean they don't hurt each other or have anything in common.
Lots of families are not estranged but not happy either.
Haven't you seen the threads.
Eg.
I can't stand my sister in law, I don't want my mother over at Christmas.
They just haven't had the courage to break off yet.
Family is overated mostly.

Well quite, you've explained exactly why These things leave scars and whilst it might not happen everyone, it's a reason some people might not want to get involved.

This is such a weird comment.

People who are not estranged and come from close families also have MH issues. Sometimes them remaining close to their families is the reason they have them instead of distancing themselves because of some people thinking blood matters more than ones mental health and you should put up with whatever just because of blood relation.

Recent experience of this when telling 'him' that I have no contact with my narc mother and it 'hurt him and upset him to hear' and he would mention how she is family and I should have her in my life no matter what she did but this was all under the guise of trying to get me to break my boundaries. He realised how strong a person I am when I refused to drop my boundaries to have my toxic mother in my life meaning he knew his own time trying to manipulate me was limited. He is now gone too.

Quote myself to add - sometimes lovely people are just unfortunate enough to have lots of arseholes in their life and despite their best attempts have walked away for their own sanity.

I don't think being NC in itself is a red flag, but the issues that lead up to it will have taken their toll and living with someone with MH issues is not necessarily an attractive prospect. I can see why some people might prefer not to get involved.

I’m estranged from my family and nobody has ever had a negative response; dating or otherwise. Perhaps I’ve been lucky in the men I’ve met? Or you’ve been unlucky.

Anyone who is nc with their dad or families will have real reasons to, so the "red flag" smug pps has said is being judgemental and clueless.

Absolute nonsense. You have no idea what people’s situations are.

Both dh and I have no family. Dh doesn’t speak to any of his because they were abusive and treated him differently to all his siblings. He was then sexually abused by a teacher as a young adult and his Mum basically laughed at him about it. He cut off all contact with them when he was about 23.

My Mum was the only family I had. She had schizophrenia and was an alcoholic. I did have my Gran when I was little who looked after me but she died when I was 22. I’m now 44 and have no family left at all now (except dh and dc), Mum died in 2019, no contact with dad. I’m an only child.

Neither dh nor I have friends. Not because there’s anything wrong with us, we have people trying to be friends with us all the time, we just enjoy our own company and don’t feel the need for friends at all.

Excellent point OP
He senses she has boundaries which won't be trampled on.
He does not like this.

It's none of their business.
One ess thing for them to worry about.
They are dating you not the family.

I’m NC from parents and never experienced this. I can’t imagine what would cause this reaction but maybe the missing context of how/why/exactly what you tell people would explain your experiences OP.

What is the red flag here? I agree with the OP btw as I have been on the receiving end of this. My parents (not together anymore they split when I was in primary school) don't bother with me and I got tired of their childish games. I am independent I suppose and not asking anyone to look after me.

But why would this be a red flag? I've noticed friends and would be lovers find it 'off' for want of a better word but I can't make my parents do right by me. It's out of my control.

100% this.

I’ve never, ever come across the double standard.

If anything, people are more like to assume a woman who is NC is a victim who instigated the estrangement for her own safety, whereas a man who is NC may be responsible for whatever family drama led to it.

I agree with this. My mam has been estranged from her parents since she was a very young adult, and despite having wonderful relationships with the rest of her family (who her parents also estranged themselves from), the damage still shows even though my mam is in her 60s.

I also have a very good friend who will not date men who are estranged from their family, after her marriage to her husband who was estranged broke down. Nobody would ever question her ex’s reason for not wanting contact, but it bled into their marriage and life in general. He had no idea what ‘normal’ families were like, and it made maintaining relationships with my friend’s wider family (and his family members who he still spoke to) very difficult.

Can't say I've noticed this. But anyone estranged from family is a red flag surely, especially if they also don't have many friends

Yes, same here.

Sometimes you'll see a poster saying they're estranged from their mum, dad, brothers, sisters etc and I think it might all be connected.

But if it then transpires they're estranged from their mother in law, father in law, SIL, BIL and they don't talk to their best friend anymore, it makes me view it differently.

I think people who are estranged from their families are often complicated characters. I have a friend who had a horrible childhood and is very damaged by it. No her fault and very very sad for her, but she'd be a challenging partner for any man.

I haven't seen much evidence of this.

It is normal for people to have ongoing relationships with their immediate family, and much less normal for people not to.

So I think a lot of people would be wary of someone who had cut off relationships with their family and would wonder why it was the case.