Enjoying life without friends - please tell me about it

I am an introvert with very few friends but I have always been that way, and I get what I need socially from my family. If you are usually extroverted and feel that you want to isolate yourself that could be a red flag for your mental health.

I thought this was going to be another post about someone whose friends disappeared

I am the person whose friends disappeared. So I can kind of tell you what happens in this situation but not by choice.

I've become emotionally self-sufficient, I suppose, though I wasn't really one for talking about my emotions anyway. I haven't learned anything about myself that I didn't already know.

I don't know what happens if I wind up in the hospital or something - I have no family or anyone else to help so I imagine it will be bloody awful.

I think a lot of people are choosing your path, hence why so many of us are isolated. It's clearly a very popular choice though, I'm not criticising it.

I will say, if you abandon your friends and want to go back to them, don't expect a welcome. People aren't toys to be picked up and dropped at will.

That is absolutely compatible with retaining friendships. As a pp said, just be honest, communicate with them, tell them you value the friendships but you're not feeling sociable, and that you're taking a step back from socialising.

Though if you're finding your current social patterns 'draining' and 'boring', I'd also be considering whether how/when/how often etc you see friends may need changing, whether that's related or not.

Oh I agree - I can't be bothered with friends anymore either - I've had too many friendships where I've ended up giving far more into it than I've got back. I have friends that I think well of and are still fond of but I'm not going to chase them. I live alone (widow, in my forties) and am happy with my own company and have my family who I see weekly. I can trust and rely on them far more than any friend and they are enough.

I'm passing the time of day more with strangers. I m less inclined towards enmeshment and more content with highlevel chitchat.

Are you out socialising every day? I think it's good to spend some time on your own, but there needs to be a balance, it's unhealthy to be a hermit. I think it's fair enough to phase out friends who you don't have much in common with anymore, but I wouldn't burn bridges entirely by having a dramatic fall out.

I have basically one good friend who I haven't really seen in a couple of years as she's been busy with work and having a baby. We've just reconnected this year and she's now in a position to meet up more often, I'd forgotten how good it feels to just have a cuppa and a chat. It's made me realise I need to get out and try to make some more close friends, otherwise I'm going to be lonely when I retire.

That’s fair enough then.

I have been reflecting on different ways of interacting with my own friends - and have found would also prefer to join a quiet reading circle with a shared pot of tea, or want to embrace learning (in my case Greek mythology!) together. A far cry from the rosé days!

I also think some friends do different ‘roles’ (I can’t think of a less functional word, sorry) and it’s ok for the frequency of these to evolve over time, and for you to decline (always) being the emotional confidant if that’s not reciprocated. But these roles and your own needs will continue to change over time.

Is it the person or the activity? I love my friends, they are brilliant, but still if I don’t fancy what they’re planing I don’t go.

I think taking a step back is fine, ghosting them etc I don’t think is a good idea. People who spend too much time in their own company rarely do well as they get older IME. You need friends to get you through late middle age!

Surely you don’t need to contemplate life without friends, though. I have lots of friends, but I’ve been having a tough time this last eight or ten months and have seen very few people, by choice. I just communicated honestly with my friends and said I was withdrawing for a bit. Wanting to spend more time alone is a perfectly natural impulse but can absolutely be done without ditching friends. It’s possible you might want to change the situations in which you see them, too, when/if you see them, if the status quo no longer working for you.

What I’m saying is that you can have exactly what you want without ditching your friendships.

I think you need to keep a little correspondence up with friends, as you may benefit from the connection in the future. Just so relations arnt awkward in the future.

I had a group of "friends" that got jealous (told me so, I m not making assumptions), and essentially turned on me, during the pandemic. I think they had too much time on their hands, some had irrational jealousies and some had misdirected anger, they were using me as their punchbag. I had to walk away from ALL of them. Once it subsided, they tried to make out it was a joke. It really, really was not. There was endless ripples of effects afterwards.

So my friendship group collapsed. When I get bored, I seek out company and I (now) realise much of the company is not that beneficial for me.

Now thatbI m perimenopausal, I m finding solitude calming, and I find my work is a good distraction and can be calming.

I m neither a punchbag, a therapist or a toy for anyone. Many, many people are very selfish and use people to boost their ego.

There is a great freedom to being independent, free from judgment, gossip and group think.

Well i guess it really depends how long you've been feeling like this. If it's just a random phase or you're feeling down atm it might not be prudent to get yourself into a situation, like losing all your friends that you can't come back from.