Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

Absolutely not, I can't stand her.

Absolutely. She was a lovely lady. She's been dead a few years now and I do still think about her.

Definitely not. Can't stand her now.
Nosy and interfering. Likes to come across as helpful but that's all part of her being able to nose into other people's lives and then gossip about them.
Manipulates things. Puts on a forgetful act when things don't go her way. Gets FIL handle any conversation that might not go her way by claiming she is being upset.

It's like dealing with a child. I refuse to engage in it and now ignore her.

My mil is hard work. She’s a bit snobby and judgemental with everyone so I wouldn’t be friends on that basis. But she canbe very snippy with me, little comments when no one else is around. I think she sees me as someone who made her son’s life harder than it has to be. I have. 2 dds who dh has helped raise then we have our own child who is disabled plus I have chronic pain due to back issues. I think she wishes her son had an easier life and blames me for the fact he doesn’t . She also moans I’m not that friendly (I’m surface polite) but if she wasn’t so snippy with me maybe I would be a bit nicer I just can’t let my guard down with her.

Ugh no. Moaning, negative, banal and bangs on about how Nigel Farage is going to save us all. Seeing her twice a year is enough for me.

No. She’s a nasty piece of work. I dread spending time with her.

No, we're just very different people. I find her interests boring and I'm sure she feels the same way. We hold very different opinions on core values too. We rub along because we have to, but if we'd met independently we wouldn't have wanted to take the relationship any further.

Absolutely!!

I’m one of the lucky ones, my MIL is awesome 😍🙌🏻
She was only 18 when DH was born, so maybe it’s because there isn’t really a gigantic generational gap there?
She loves a lot of the same music as me, so we go to concerts together quite a lot.
I feel 100% comfortable with discussing the difficult/awkward things with her - probably more comfortable than with my own mum if I’m being totally honest.
Shes got a wicked sense of humour too.
All in all, I think I hit the MIL jackpot.

Yes. Absolutely love mine. She's so kind and genuine and warm and thoughtful. I am absolutely confident that she likes me and loves me, and I feel the same about her. I'd happily spend just as much time chatting over coffee and cake if she weren't my MIL. For the sake of my children, to whom she is a devoted and magnificent grandmother, I'm very very glad she is.

Absolutely, she's wonderful. Kind funny and has a generous heart. I've been at her place today without DH & kids. We've swam in her pool, played cards and shared several jugs of sangria. I would move in with her given half a chance.

Both my husbands parents were long dead when we met. But from what he's told me of his mother, I think she would have been difficult for me to get on with. She was quite the snob apparently (had no reason to be by the sound of it, a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket!) and quite opinionated.
My husband spent a lot of time with his grandma as a child and we used to go for a roast dinner to her house every Monday teatime until she sadly and unexpectedly passed away during a routine operation.
I always classed her as my MIL and I absolutely adored her. I loved spending time with her, she never had a bad word to say about anyone. We both still miss her very much and it's 25+ years since she passed away. ❤

I think we might be friendly, as opposed to friends. If she was my neighbour I’m sure we’d pass the time of day, say hello, probably take each other’s bins in. We don’t have a huge amount in common but she’s absolutely fine, and fairly chatty.

If it was just her and we were randomly acquaintances then we could be possibly passing friends. I would never meet up with just her on purpose as she just isn’t the same as me. Inherently she likes doing everything for a man and gets treated like crap “I’ll have a cup of coffee when you’re ready Edna*” her dh says and she just jumps up and makes it. But it’s their choice, their dynamic.

However, she complains to dh multiple times that the dc spend ‘too much time around TheGirlWhoLived’ when they visit, the dc apparently always talk to me and gravitate to me, which makes her angry…. Almost as if… I’m their SAHM and they spend every second of every day talking to me 🤣

Oh and FIL asked me to abort my second child as he was concerned I couldn’t cope with another (mostly due to not buying dc1 enough Xmas presents I think)

I now have 3 dc, all with DH, FIL is seething

edited due to weird grammar and spelling

However my ex-father-in-law was one of my favourite people in the world and splitting up with my ex-husband and knowing that meant losing that relationship with his dad genuinely devastated me. He died and my ex made it clear I wasn't to go to the funeral which I still feel gutted about. I really loved his dad and he just seemed to get me in a way that few people you meet in your life truly do. I miss him.

Mine is dead now, but if she wasn't, I think we would get on well enough to be perfectly polite and nice to each other but we wouldn't really be friends. We had no interests in common (in fact she didn't really seem to have interests) and slightly different values. She was more materialistic than me and liked to show affection by giving people expensive presents, but wasn't a particularly good listener, which is quite important to me. To be honest I found her a bit boring and I suspect she found me a bit scruffy and by her standards worryingly left-wing.

When I first met her and for the first couple of years I would have said yes but over time I've realised she's a toxic and manipulative alcoholic who is disgustingly two faced. I used to think she was nice and supportive but then found out she has been saying the most horrible racist stuff about me and my family (and I've seen the texts) whilst being nice as pie to our faces. I now think she's a cunt and I'm happy to take nothing to do with her.

I don’t know if we’d have been friend friends who hang out, but I wouldn’t have disliked her. She’s kind and she’s been very good to me. Probably I imagine she’d be on the level of a neighbour I chat to while we tend our flower beds.

No and I think she’d say the same.

Yes. She has been dead for several years, but when she was alive we had a great relationship. We had a lot in common and used to send each other reading recommendation on a regular basis. She didn't interfere in our marriage or give us advice on child raising. I developed a friendship with her quite apart from my relationship with her son. I miss her.

Nope

I love mine…and I’m not married to her son any more. Wonderful woman.

Oh no!! My sister is going through something similar with her recently widowed MIL now. The bloody woman has now decided to sell her house and move to live in the same place as my sister!!! And the woman hasn't even spent any time in that town, meaning that she's going to be round at my sister (and her son's) house ALLLLLL the time. Like a horrific opinionated albatross round their necks. My sister needs to put her foot down and put some big time boundaries on that nonsense before anything happens. But the MIL is already inviting herself on their holidays! And when my sister and the kids (and the son - who should be nipping this in the bud himself - he's a twit) are down here visiting my parents this bloody woman invites herself over too! She NEVER helps with anything - never brings my mum a gift or helps with the dishes or makes an effort to be kind or say nice things about my parent's house. She's just a sack of borishness. To the point I'm going to have to be the person who actually does what should have been done a long time ago and has a word with her to convey that she's being a limpet and it's not appropriate.

No. But she doesn’t seem to have any friends beyond whole staff events.

I’ve never considered us as related…

I'm not even friendly with my MIL, don't consider her family and haven't spoken to her in six years so no, definitely not.

Oh hell no. Fortunately she isn't my MIL anymore. Hooray! Dreadful awful person. She continued to try to bother me - to the point of stalking - even years after the divorce!!! Such a bizarre person. I wish I'd known about the family history of weird behaviour - and significant mental illness - before I got involved. But their son lied about many things, including that.

Lesson is: it's not just the blokes that can lovebomb. Their families can do something similar and be very fake. Be very careful. And also be wary about how they view your obligations to family when they get older. My ex in laws were of the staunch opinion that kids should have to look after/pay for their elders in the future!!! Total opposite of my mum who just wants her kids to be happy and would never dream of asking any of us for money or care or place any expectations whatsoever. Please figure out what these family dynamics are before you get involved with these people.