Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

My husband frequently says that if his family weren’t his family he’d never see them again.

He doesn’t enjoy their company, and I see his anxiety peak when we’re with them or have anything to do with them.

They’re not bad people, they just are very different to us and don’t like anything they see as ‘different’.

Truth : I think I'd be really fond of her if she was someone I met at work etc.

But she treats me differently because I'm her DIL. She is quite protective and possessive over her (very much adult ) sons and smothers them. I think it's because she's been a widow from a very young age and kind of done the whole surrogate husband thing with her sons unfortunately. It's all very sad when you peel it back and see it for what it is.

So any woman too close to her son's will always be 'a threat' on some level. We get on well, but at times she's been an utter menace to me , In years gone by. I don't think she would behave like this if I wasn't her DIL.

But on a service level "would I get on with her if she wasn't my MIL?" Yes. I do believe I would. I think unfortunately it's the way in which we're intertwined that causes the issue.

No! The woman does not have a good word to say about anyone

@CurlewKate never have I wished we still had the 🤣 for another post since it went.

We must share the same one.

I don’t think we would have come across each other! We are quite different and it’s taken me a long time to get used to her, but I am a big fan of her now and really glad she’s in my life.

Fuck no. Not without redeeming features, but overwhelmingly controlling, selfish and mean-spirited. I don't choose friends like that.

Yes I would, I’m very lucky to have MIL in my life. She’s lovely, very caring & treats me as if I were her own daughter. My son adores his Nana & I enjoy spending time with her.

I adore my MIL. She is thoughtful, kind, funny and helpful. Great with grandchildren, always on hand in an emergency.

I think the problem is that your MIL’s shared life experience is with your children and their father, not with you. Some people find this hard to accept.

She sounds like an amazing person! Who needs the ironing done if she can teach the kids how to identify poop!

No. I thought she was lovely and was very welcoming to me and my daughter, always asking questions about what we had been up to, days out, eating out etc. Always commenting on my facebook posts. I knew she was close to DH’s ex but I discovered she had been relaying my conversations and what was on my Facebook to the ex who was then weaponising the information and my daughter to use against DH. Complaining and nasty ranty texts about how DH will go on a day out with my DD but not do the same for their kids.

Their kids are 28 and 26 years old and the ex is frothing at the mouth because DH accompanied a 13 year old child and her mum to MCDonalds.

And MIL took the ex’s side in all of it.

so she can get to fuck aswell using my daughter like that. She is blocked on everything and it will be a cold day in hell before I see her again.

I love my mother in law! So thankful after reading so many Mumsnet feeds on MIL’S tbh. I would hope my Daughter in law thought of me the same way one day so she’s a great example of how to be a lovely MIL

Mines exactly the same. He's not perfect but I feel so sorry for FIL sometimes, it must be completely exhausting. They're selling their house (have lived in same house for 40 years) and she won't even click on Rightmove links I send her. She had a minor car crash the other week because a road was closed and she had to be diverted which sent her into a complete state and she crashed into a lamppost, she has spent 6k on a new car which is currently still sat on her drive because she doesn't 'drive cars she doesn't know'. I'm a police officer and frankly she's lucky she wasn't reported for driving without due care. She won't move anywhere closer to us because it would mean she has to drive on a motorway. (even though FIL always would).
I've tried gently steering her towards mindfulness, relaxation, even just keeping a diary, and she just ignores it. I think it's been so long she honestly just can't imagine ever being any different now.

No, nothing in common in interests or behaviours or even in an "opposites attract" way.

DH sticks out a bit in his family too - he's very academic and has quite prosaic interests, whereas they're a bit Love Island in their tastes. (An example - MIL, for some reason, was fixated with the idea that BIL "wouldn't be reading our son books" - she said it so often he sounded borderline illiterate.)

Sounds exactly like my MIL. Absolute nightmare to be around.

I've had two and it would be no to both . First one thought I wasn't good enough for her ' darling ' and current 2nd one is quite elderly and falls out with everyone because of her opinions .

Absolutely not

i prefer to surround myself with kind and happy people.

It's just possible that our paths would have crossed and we might have become friends, though not close, as our interests were not that well aligned.
However she was a lovely person, though very poor at acting like one expects of a MIL. We live in the country - when she came over for the day she'd disappear down the garden and across the fields (sometimes with her grandkids) - we had to send out a search party for her at mealtimes. Crazy about nature, especially badgers. If you wanted to identify deer by their poop, she was the woman to turn to. If you can imagine Chris Packham as your MIL????
FIL, in contrast, would help out with the ironing, get stuck into the washing up... 😁

Hmm maybe for a few weeks we would get on fine. But after that her miserable face would piss me off, as would her judgemental comments. I’ve been with my fiancée 9 years and I swear on everything I’ve only seen her smile 3 times. She’s too miserable and bitter for me. She actually has zero friends and I felt sorry for her at first but after a year or 2 I understood why.
I am more friends with my ex MIL now I’m not with her son we get on great. I have more of a relationship with her than my ex does.

Probably not. We get on well and we’re very cordial to each other. But I don’t have many friends who are a different generation, social class and educational background to me. Who have completely different interests, hobbies, political and religious views and life experience to me. Cordial is great. If there’s more then you’re incredibly lucky.

Strange question as why would your paths have crossed?
DIL 1 I have known since she was my son’s friend at 14 and we get on famously. I’m a surrogate Mum.
DIL 2 I would have no recon to know. But we get on like a house on fire.
Ditto DIL to be.
So yeah- odd question!!

No

No, we don’t have the same values. Her morals are just off, very much keeping up appearances than doing the morally right thing. I could make small talk with her, which is about what I do now. But she isn’t someone I’d choose to be around if I didn’t have to (I’m pretty sure Dh and BIL feel the same given how little time they spend with her).

That said, my mum is much worse and we are NC, so nothing to do with the MIL/DIL dynamic. I actually, if I had to compare them, like my MIL more than my own mum, and I probably make more effort with her than either of her children do.

Mine is not a very nice person. I’m currently not speaking to her even though we are related.
my life is way easier without her in it.
and I leave my partner to sort her seeing him and the kids.
i wish I’d done it years ago tbh.
shes very judgemental, very opinionated, very rude and quite nasty. She also treats us all like shit and does nothing to help us in any way. I absolutely would never be friends with someone like her outside of family. And I have struggled
to tolerate her within the family.