Child left in car in 35 degree heat

I feel like a lot of the articles I read about this happening are in America, women go back to full time work very quickly after giving birth. Maybe they are so fucking tired that contributes to them forgetting, let’s have some sympathy and remember what it feels like to be so tired that you feel dizzy and can’t concentrate.
Let’s not judge.

I can see how it happens, if your routine is altered. Particularly in US with bigger cars and the baby being further away in the back. When mine were little car seats were in the front and I wonder if it was better in that way...although worse in others

I'm another one struggling to understand how this happens but I suppose it depends on your approach.

For example, a some parents probably have the baby in the rear seat opposite the driver side. That way thay can use peripherals and mirrors to periodically glance and monitor the baby. The same parent will probably chat away to their baby constantly (even whilst baby is napping). Under those conditions it doesn't seem plausible you could forget the baby was there.

In contrast other parents will put their baby in a car seat directly behind the driver seat, fire up the radio and drive on autopilot in their headspace treating the journey as a small period of downtime. Under those circumstances it's easier to imagine someone forgetting their child.

I still don't find it excusable, tired or not tired.

The people who "don't buy" these things being a tragic mistake - what is it you think is happening? Like a pre-planned cold blooded murder?

By your own logic, how could anyone forget they don’t have their child in the car? How stupid would you need to be to open the car door when you know your children are somewhere else?

Oh yes, as stupid as you, as stupid as all of us who occasionally act on autopilot. Normally that is inconsequential but one time in a million it will be tragic.

No, some children sleep heavily. I remember once a clap of thunder over my house that was like an explosion; it rattled the windows and made me compulsively duck down. I love storms but it scared the hell out of me, especially as it was kind of out of nowhere. I raced upstairs to check my kids weren't terrified and both were still asleep 😂

My DH and DS are such creatures of habit... almost to the extent it makes them idiots when it comes to using common sense and coping with something unknown, and I could believe them capable of this if stressed out or tired.

As PP said, 'There but for the grace of God go I.'

So if you do it on autopilot when you don't have them, it should be easy to understand people being on autopilot if they are not used to having the child with them. You are going through a series of reflex activities. A parent that doesn't normally do the nursery drop off has a different set of reflex activities.

The whole point is that if you forget in that split second and walk away from your car, you are then at work, on calls, doing your job and not thinking about your child. Your subconscious tells you your child is safe at nursery.

In most of these reported cases it is not that they will have totally forgotten they had a baby - in their mind they will be thinking their child is safe and well with the other parent, or at nursery or wherever they were supposed to be.

The issue is that the tendency for the brain to go on autopilot (perhaps especially when driving) and they have either a) checked dropping off their child on their mental to-do list without actually doing it or b) forgetting it was ever on their to do list that day as it is not the usual routine.

Everyone saying this could never happen to me, I bet that's what these parents said too.

This.

If we all assumed it could happen to us, and took precautions accordingly, then it would happen far less.

These tragic accidents have been going on for years. Made worse by rear facing car seats. Why car seat manufacturers are not now adding alarms that somehow know when the engine is turned off and that the car seat is still occupied. It could even be linked to the car alarm in some way. Or linked to your phone. Tech could go some way to solving this.

Everyone saying this could never happen to me, I bet that's what these parents said too.

Exactly, you're in the routine of having children in the car, opening doors etc - is it really so hard to believe that the father could have been in a routine of not doing that? His routine probably was to drive to work, get out of car, walk away. He didn't realise the child was there - just like you sometimes do not realise children aren't there.

If it's a change of routine, in the parent's head the child is at nursery or in childcare - particularly if it is normally their partner who does the drop-off. That's why it can take a long time to realise.

I am a Cub leader.

At least once a term, we have a "forgotten" child. Never the same one, but just a parent having a momentary brain lapse. Busy putting younger siblings to bed. Or the other parent normally picks up but is on a work trip. Lost track of time. Stuck in traffic and thought the other parent would get them. For some reason thought we finished later than we do. All good parents, who make a mistake

I once forgot to pick up DD2 from school... despite picking up DD1! She was having friends for a sleepover so I was busy making sure I had them, DD2s class was late out, they normally got the school bus... I only got as far as the gate.

And they’re sleep deprived yet working!

I once took older DS to school and popped into the classroom leaving DD sleeping in a pram just outside - it was a room where you could get in an out through a sort of French window so she was visible from the classroom. When I left, I was deep in thought about my conversation with the teacher and was halfway up the drive before I remembered DD. Going into autopilot is so easily done.

I’m not buying that ‘it happens’ either. How could anyone forget their child is in the car? Maybe for a split second but not for hours and hours while you’re at work. I do the opposite and forget my kids aren’t in the car with me whenever I go out without them, and on auto pilot open their doors and go to get the buggy out.

The child was probably asleep when he left the car. There are plenty of posts upthread showing how easily this can happen, particularly if there has been a change in routine.

This isn't how it works though. Unless you have never forgotten anything or been distracted by something ever in your life, you could do this.

I worked with a woman who had agreed to look after a dog. She planned to drop the dog off at her sisters on her way to work but she drove to work as normal and just went about her day and the dog died as a result as it was 30 deg outside of the car so inside, it would have been like an oven.

She had no plan to kill that dog. It was an accident.

This is how these things happen. Do some people do this on purpose? Presumably yes, by the law of averages but in most cases, it's not an attempt to get out of paying child support but just the human brain doing what it does.

No shit Sherlock.

Remember when David Cameron was prime minister and he left his daughter in the pub!

🫡

If you mean the cases where parent has made a decision to leave their baby/toddler in the car because they 'just nipped in the shop' then yes I agree, that was not a good choice.

The case OP talked about, no I don't believe for one second the father decided that ah can't be arsed to drop the child to daycare, let me just leave them in the car for the entire day. Do you think this is what happened?

No one is saying they ‘should be’.

I did too, and almost left him on the bus. Taking 3yo DD and newborn DS on a 30min journey. Parked buggy with sleeping DS in it, sat directly beside it (could even see into bassinet). DD and I chatted away. Got to nearly our stop, got DD ready to get off. Stood up, turned my back to the buggy and stepped towards the door. Would have got off without him had not another passenger said "isn't that your baby?"

Children should not be left in cars.