Child left in car in 35 degree heat

My mum went to Sainsbury's and left me behind in a car seat in the middle of the car park, for about 20 minutes before she could get back! Anything could have happened. But the vast, vast majority of the time, nothing will happen. That's true of lots of stupid mistakes lots of us make. The parents will be punishing themselves for the rest of their lives and I have nothing but enormous sympathy.

I can see how it could happen. I've been known to open the boot to let the dogs out when they aren't there at all if I drive the route I usually do with the dogs to get to the woods. It's just autopilot. The same thing can happen in reverse if you usually don't bring children/dogs with you to a place that you go regularly. We do so much of our day on autopilot with our minds elsewhere that it's easy enough for things to slip.

Everyone who drives has arrived at their destination at least once and thought 'I don't rember that drive / part of that drive'

It's exactly the same thing. You do the same thing, over and over again, your brain stops needing to actively focus on what you're doing. Yes, you're watching the road, you're looking for hazards etc, I'm not suggesting you're driving along oblivious, but it's all on automatic unless something happens to snap you out of it. You can't control it, it's how we're wired. Just like you don't think about breathing every breath, or lifting your feet in turn when you're walking, or how to curl your fingers around a pen. You just do it the same way you have 1000 times before.

If you're in that state when you have an out of routine child in the car, and you arrive at your destination, it's so easy to forget they're there. And it's the people who think 'I would never!' who do it, because those who accept anyone could do it are the ones that put their handbag or phone on the back seat to remind them.

Have you ever been in a car with your child sleeping in the back and then they wake and make a noise - you jump, and say 'I forgot you were there for a second!' now imagine that second is the second you should take the turn for Nursery on the way to work. Or the second when you park the car.

@MrsSkylerWhitehave you read the article?
the whole point is that as far as most of the parents were concerned they hadn’t forgotten them that they were in nursery/daycare already so they’ve gone about their day in the belief that everything is normal.

there was a recent case where a man kept leaving his kids in the car so he could game with engine running but one day engine cut off and the child that was napping died and he should go to prison for a long time for that however that is a totally different situation in what is mostly being spoken about here.

You do realise people aren't doing this on purpose? Well in 99% of cases (there was that Dad that did it repeatedly)

They aren't chosing to leave their kids in a car on a hot day, they don't realise the kids are there! They thin they're at home/nursery/at nanas etc...

I don’t think this would ever happen to me either BUT people are human and sometimes they do make mistakes like this, as proven by just how many stories there are like this.

I know of someone whose child died because they took their eye off the ball when they were tired. They got distracted, a moment in time that did not sum up in any way, the amazing and attentive parent that they were. They were, and still are, grief stricken years later and they will never be properly ok ever again. I’ve heard many similar stories of very good, loving, attentive parents making a mistake and suffering the worst possible consequences.

Many of us will have had ‘near misses’ with our kids, some of which we probably aren’t aware of because we are the lucky ones who didn’t face any, or any big, consequences for them.

It’s best not to judge what could be a terrible tragedy and what the parent will have to live their whole life with. I believe on a bad day, when we’re distracted, tired or something, it could happen to many of us. Presuming this was an accident, I have nothing but sympathy for the person who left their child in the car. I don’t know how parents get through things like this.

Can’t believe the BS being spouted by some people on this thread.

Leaving children strapped in in hot cars is negligence. No excuse.

FGS, most people know you don’t leave dogs in cars on hot days.

You know they say prude comes before a fall? It’s those who believe they are infallible God-like creatures who often end up falling the farthest.

Addendum to say:,I never took them on long car trips then produced a pram.

We were either driving a distance for eg on holiday with DH, or walking from home with the pram - my brain didn’t process the fact that the pram was involved in such a long journey.

As lots have pointed out the change in routine can really throw people, I’ve always thought how can that happen until I did it myself with my dog, no disaster as it was cool and wasn’t too long but I forgot he was in the car due to a change in routine

The poor parents having to live with this and their poor baby. Awful tragedy

And are more likely to be sleep deprived themselves impacting How well their brains are functioning. Plus younger babies are more prone to fall asleep on a short journey or be generally quiet compared to a babbling older baby / toddler.

Add to that high proportion of people using cars for nursery run and commute, and large areas prone to high temperatures and you have a tragic mix.

Also is probably becoming more common as sharing of parental responsibilities and frequency of women working full time both increase - given that it’s often the switching between different routines which seems to be a trigger.

Read the linked articles in this thread

Totally agree with the autopilot thing.

I once my baby for a tongue tie snip at a hospital 20 miles away from home with 2 year old in tow. Was stressful, baby upset for a while (for obvious reasons).

Got all the way home (up the M1) and realised I’d left the pram by the boot of the car.

Drove back and it was still there, put it in the boot then tormented myself for days afterwards with the what ifs if I’d left the baby in the pram.

Said baby turned 15 last week, still never forgotten it.

You don't forget your child. You think they're somewhere else and safe.

Read the thread.

People don't forget their babies or children. They think they're exactly where they should be in a safe place - nursery, preschool, with another parent. In their minds, they've dropped them off there, so that's where the kids are. If you think about leaving the house in the morning, there are lots of things we do on autopilot that we don't have an actual memory of doing but they're part of the routine so we're pretty sure they've been done. I imagine this is similar.

I hope this wouldn't happen to us as our children's school/nursery have a policy of phoning home at the start of the day in the case of an unexplained absence, but I can see why it does happen to people.

I think you're kidding yourself if you really can't imagine how this could have possibly happened. I suspect most of the parents it has happened to would have felt similarly, right up until the day it did.

I had some fairly intense PPA about this exact thing as I was just so distractible and overwhelmed after I had DS3 that I was always worrying I'd leave him in the car. Whenever he wasn't physically with me I'd fleetingly panic I'd left him without thinking.

I can 100% see how it's so easily, devastatingly done.

That’s possibly the saddest but best written article I’ve read. My heart breaks for these parents and their children.

How the feck can you forget you have a child in the car. You know you have a child and at some point they were put in the car. No excuses, at all.

As for Spain having a heat wave, get real. It's nearly always hot, unlike the UK where the weather can change from hour to hour. Not that UK would be excused but well, Spain is hot.

Any parents on here that have ever forgotten they have a child with them? Apart from humorous anecdotes, I bet no one has failed at the very basic level.

That poor poor child, bless him and hope he rests in peace.

It's so sad and it could easily happen to anyone. One of the issues is that in the US they have a very short maternity leave so new parents are still in work mode and haven't had a proper break to get into new routines with baby.

The car manufacturers put in internal motion sensors - they’ve been mentioned. In newer cars with an app I think you’d get a phone alert rather than having to have it go off while you’re still in earshot of the car. And now there’s the thing I mentioned upthread where if you’ve had a back door open for any reason earlier it reminds you to check the back seat when you leave the car.

Yeah that one was really sad, change in routine I think and was at work all day. Another one was a dad that left his toddler in the car in the driveway, the mum had told him repeatedly to stop leaving the kids in the car!

When my 2nd child was born we all got ready to go out. We hadn't taken him out much so got my older child and the baby dressed and ready. Put baby in the carseat and put him on the couch.

Then got older child (3) ready, wellies on, coat, juice cup etc...

The routine we had done with one child for almost 3 years.

Went outside, locked the front door, got half way down the street when we remembered the baby.

It's not that people 'forget'or are careless, they are just on autopilot.

Have you ever driven somewhere so oftwn that you realise youre half way there without even really thinking about directions?

Theres a part of your brain that just takes over.

In alot of these cases something out of the ordinary has occoured and routine has been disrupted.

It's really sad.

Well I pulled up next to a car in the car park the other day that had the engine running, key in ignition (obviously) and a child in the back seat on their own with all the windows up! Father had "popped" into the supermarket and left the child on his own like that 😡

It's terrifying, I know people say 'how do you forget your child', but obviously people do for whatever reason. I think it's crazy myself but I can't believe people leave their babies on purpose. I've recently gone back to work and find myself double checking I've definitely dropped my son off at nursery because these stories seem to be everywhere at the moment