To dump dog in one of my husbands offices he works from

As long as your family (and Ex-H) knows that you won’t rehome him, they won’t take the dog.

time to put on your poker face and make some “demands”. You cannot continue to look after the dog unless they take him when you want to go away. Be tough. You’ve got this!💪💪

God there are some idiotic responses to the OP!? Imagine the pitchforks if the OP said she wanted to rehome the dog (that she clearly loves). You can't win in this joint!

I absolutely love my dog and his well-being is most certainly a major part of my life plans. So I can totally see why the OP is aggrieved given the circumstances.

Not that I have an answer (sorry OP).. but geeze 🙄

So how do you make him do that?

I'd worry about dumping the dog as he might decide putting him down is the easy answer. It is a real dilemma and I say that as the wife/mother who was overruled about having another dog but ended up being the one to look after it.

To be fair to DH he is disabled so it wasn't really his choice to be unable to do the work.

Assuming abroad

Feel bad for the poor dog

We use a dog minder when we go away - our dog moves into the minders house.

It works very well for our dog, the people who do it are dog lovers or have their own dogs, and he's always been happy, lives with a different family for a week or so, gets to snooze on a different sofa, but I use local ones, so he goes for walks in our regular park. He's even managed to sleep on a few beds, he does very good puppy eyes.

I'm not in the UK but I'm sure you can google and find people in your area. I've gone through an agency so the minders are police checked and they're insured.

Your kids should really step up more though - can't be a huge hardship for them to move back to the family home for a week or two. If you have a family WhatsApp can you message them all saying you're planning on going away for a week in Sept, and who'll mind the dog - might shame them into it when they can all see each other's replies.

Your ex sounds like a dick, from my experience, once you stop expecting anything at all from a man like this the less dissapointed you'll be. I'd stop him visiting to see the dog if he won't step up and take him from time to time.

Good luck with it. I'm excited for you that you get to travel again!

Could you not do that, OP?

thats the thing - why is the Op sorting it - it needs to be the husband sorting it

rehome the dog, friend has recently done this so the dog didn't go into a home but went straight to another family to love.

Otherwise you book holidays and leave your husband and the dog to get on with it

Poor OP!

One of my dogs can't go into kennels - I tried that once and she didn't eat for the whole week. It was obvious when I picked them up that they'd both hated it. So now I just get a live-in dogsitter when I go away. Could you not do that, OP?

Sorry if I have missed it and someone else has asked, but why can't you just go on holiday with your dog. That's what we do.

Don't dump the dog. Have him properly rehomed if that's what you want to do.

I love my dogs but do get that they can be frustrating. You sound knackered. Can you not book a dog sitter and get away for a break this summer?

I’m going to say you’re not being unreasonable. Your ex owns the dog too, no? He loves the dog. The dog knows him? I think your plan is a good one!

So you do what every other good dog owner does - you pay for kennels - You pay for someone to look after the dog
You have had the dog for 8 years you should know what it bloody takes to look after a dog - Like people say poor dog

All this angst?! Get a dog sitter

Get a dog sitter to mind him in your own home? Find a home away from home sitter instead of kennels so he’s in a home with people/a family/sofa surfing and being spoiled :)? Retired neighbours here dogsit annually for a range of clients. They love dogs, get to house sit & dogsit around the country & the doggies are happy & spoiled.

If husband doesn’t care about the dog anyway, he’ll just stick him wherever if you leave him at his office etc.

Put your dog’s wellbeing first, find a good dog minding solution so you can go on holiday & recharge.

I agree. I completely understand her feelings, but this really isn't okay.

^^

This!! Its not the dogs fault. How can you even consider 'dumping' him somewhere because he is inconveniencing your life.

I had the exact same issue when my first DH left me. I loved the dog (that he wanted and was his) but couldn't give him the life and the walks he needed because I had two little ones. DH said he couldn't have him in his new place so I found a lovely new family for him. A family that would love him and could give him the life he deserved. I would never ever have just dumped him on my DH when I knew he didn't have the space or room for him. God knows what would have happened.

If you don't want him rehome him and let someone else love him.

This is why people should think really long term before getting a dog.
Children grow up and leave...you will still have a dog.
The dog gets old and slows down, is harder to take with you for the day, they get sicker and you don't want to leave them alone - this can go on for years and years.

People think the puppy years are difficult, but the old dog years are the hardest in my experience. When the Covid flood of dogs reach old age a lot of people are going to find their lives interrupted in a way they've not planned for.

People just do not think long and hard enough before getting a dog. Dog ownership is a joy and a privilege but it is a lifetime of selfless responsibility.

You can easily take a dog on holiday with you.

If the ex didn't want to keep the dog and OP didn't want it either then it should have been rehomed.

Shared pet ownership with an ex that you resent is a complicated and stupid idea, and not in the dog's best interest.

One person needs to be the dog's owner. If neither can provide that then you rehome.

As it is, OP appears to be the 'main' owner, says she loves and wants the dog, but is moaning that she can't go away because she has a dog. It's nothing to do with her being female or 'different bars'. She has clearly stated that she wants the dog whereas it seem pretty clear that he isn't all that fussed.

If you want to own a dog then there are certain compromises you make in your life and that is one of them - arrangements need to be made for it - and that should not be relying on a tenuous relationship with an ex who you don't get on with and who clearly doesn't care that much about the dog.

If you don't want to/ can't be responsible for a dog then you rehome it.

I say take him to the office with his food, lead and pop bags. You needed a shared custody arrangement when you divorced! It’s such a classic situation that the wife gets dumped with the bulk of the inconvenient caring responsibilities while the husband hits to gallivant while pretending to be super dad.

So get your dc to look after it while you go on holiday. People must surely have family who are able to assist. Or, as has been mentioned pay for a home boarder. We have a dog, we use kennels or family we certainly aren't tied.

I think whether or not the ex is an arsehole is a separate issue.

OP has ended up with a dog, for whatever reason, that she says she loves and wants.... but she doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it.

That's a pretty immature attitude to pet ownership.

She simply needs to decide whether or not she wants it, and commit to what is necessary either way.

She isn't acting like that at all, she has literally got and taking responsibility for it. She's acting like the arsehole that wanted the dog and DID dump it should ALSO take responsibility for it. But in true mumsnet style, the bar for him and the bar for her are miles apart.

Because you get the feeling the poor dog is being used in some tit for tat thing to get back at the ex.

Her ds said he'd look after it, the dd then said she couldn't go on those dates so I'd focus my energy on getting the dc to be a bit more organised.