Is this a generational thing or is it just my friendship circle [Content warning: mentions of suicide]

I'm so sorry OP.

But can I say to you what a strong woman you must be as you have risen above the lifestyle choices you are surrounded with. That is very rare.

How is your marriage and do you have kids? When I read your first post or two my overwhelming feeling was that you needed to move away from this social circle. I assumed you had drug using friends. I did this, it wasn't easy but I rebuilt an excellent and happy life.

But I see it's more complicated, it's your family and your community. Are you in a position to physically move away?

YANBU my daughter is in her 40s and knows more people her age who have died than I do and I'm 70.

Edit: My husband has just retired from working in a hospital and says, anecdotally, they were seeing more people in their 40s with cancer than previously.

I know a lot of people who have killed themselves or died because of drink/ drugs but that’s because drink and drugs and mh problems are a big problem in my community, mental illness runs in the family and a lot of the suicides were people I met through mh services.

I know someone from uni who committed suicide in their mid-20's and a colleague in his late 40's/early 50's sort of age. That's all though. Late 40's.

Well, appallingly, Traveller suicide rates are far higher than the population at large, so it makes sense that if your friends are Traveller, you’ll have been around far more suicides than someone of a different background.

I’m in Ireland but the suicide rate here is something like seven times higher for Traveller men, and not much less for women, compared to the population as a whole.

Im sorry, OP.

That is massively disproportionate.

early death is much more common in drug users though, so if you have friends like that they are more likely to die young.

Can youvtrll me more about the guidelines and why? I'm interested in this topic I work in a similar but not so much sector.

In the US this would be more common. There is actually a millennial missing cohort due to opioid misuse, suicide and gun use. Thankfully we haven't had such issues in the UK.

Four people (to my knowledge) from my school year have died by suicide. I thought that was quite high. It’s very sad to hear of such high numbers in one friendship group.

I had one close friend die from suicide, an uncle and an aunt. I also had 3 emails this year from work about colleagues who died from suicide. One of children's teachers sons also. A few friends of friends over the years too.

I live in a normal working class/middle class town. No drugs.

It's a big problem and it's truly awful. It's such a shocking way to lose somebody. Im very sorry.

My mother’s friend and my father’s work colleague both died by suicide back in the 1980s. But none of my friends have died and I’m about a decade older than you, so it sounds unusual, but given you say you are surrounded by drug takers, possibly it’s more common within those circles.

I don't think that is normal at all. I don't think I have ever known anyone who has committed suicide or drug overdosed. Sorry you're going through this.

Same, I don’t know anyone who has died by suicide or drugs etc, I’m mid 40s and no-one from my school year has died.
Sorry for all your losses OP 💐

Thats deadfully sad OP.
Mid 40s and know of only one person in my entire netwwork since youth who does hard drugs like heroine, someone we used to know in our teens but havent spoken to since. He is alive and well as was in the local paper for burglary, dispite a very privilaged upbringing, private school and massive house with a pool etc.
Know one person who died by suicide, this was in our early teens.
Know of two other people that have died by suicude, friends of friends, not people I have met.
I know three people who died from moped accidents in our teens though.
How are you bearing up, thats a lot of greif in your life. Hope you have support.

Not normal at all - I know of three people who have died by suicide, none of them close.

• the neighbour of my parents when we were children
• the son of an ex colleague
• DH’s cousin (DH had not seen him for at least 10 years so I had never met him, although we did go to the funeral)

I can’t think many people know many close people who have died this way, although suicidal contagion is a thing so if they all knew each other this could explain it.

Sorry for your loses - death by suicide is awful

This is terrible, OP. Not normal at all, are you in a friendship circle where addition is very common? Could you extend your friendship circle to include some people who are less troubled? This is a very hard way to live.
For what it's worth, I know four people who have committed suicide over my 60 odd years of life.

Really not normal sorry. I am sad you have lost so many friends. At 62 nobody I know has killed themselves and as far as I know my children and the older generation of my family know nobody who has either.

If that’s the case then I hate to say it but the “normal” you’re used to, that you say you can only have with people from the same community - it’s a harmful normal in this case as it’s a normality that is based on addiction and extremely poor mental health. I’m sure it is possible for you to find friends not caught up in that world and learn to feel “at home” with them, you might need some counselling to think deeply about how that at home feeling you have now might have elements of trauma in it.

Not usual at all. I don’t know anyone who’s committed suicide. I’m sorry for your losses and that you’ve become so desensitised to it all. Have you thought about going to grief counselling to help you grieve?

I’m really sorry to hear how much loss you’ve suffered. I wasn’t aware there was a significant drug problem within the traveller community - that’s so sad. Is it widespread or do you think it’s within your local (traveller) community? Please don’t answer if this feels too personal I’m just intrigued as to why it’s such an issue.

would you consider getting some counselling? This is an awful lot for one person to have to deal with.

Dh attempted suicide many years ago and I knew someone who had a brain aneurism in his 40s. But that's it. Apart from drug use in our teens and early 20s, my social circle don't use drugs or even drink heavily anymore. I suspect that may be why your loss is so great

Absolutely this, if your friendship group is one that's heavy in substance misuse of heroine, ketamine and alcohol, sadly people under the influence of these substances are much more likely to die by suicide, especially if they still have have this lifestyle in their 30s.