Is this a generational thing or is it just my friendship circle [Content warning: mentions of suicide]

I'm in my sixties and I know two women who've lost sons to suicide. In terms of raw data, it's a drop in the ocean compared with the family and friends I've lost to illness, but I don't know loads of people outside my family circle. So the fact that two of those I do know lost sons in that way isn't a small thing (they were roughly the same age too.)

I think it can happen like this. My husband and his circle of wider friends… there always seemed to be a suicide. If im
honest I put it down to where and how they lived.

one of my brother’s best friends too.

yes my aunty, another aunty attempted, a cousin who we lost to suicide. A distant cousin we lost to suicide, another distant cousin.

At uni someone in my halls in our first week.

OP, this is desperately sad. I am afraid I don't know what "new age" travellers are, but it seems to me that in a way, the widespread drug use and other issues in your community mean that getting away from that might be similar to escaping a cult in that you would need to break all ties?

Where do you work? Is there any way to seek therapy and support, either privately or through a workplace scheme? I would be inclined to actively look for a therapist who specialises in this sort of thing. I asked Chat GPT what that would look like and it said:

The right kind of therapist to help

Look for someone with experience in:

• Religious trauma syndrome (RTS)
• Cults and high-control groups
• Complex trauma (C-PTSD)
• Deprogramming or recovery from spiritual abuse
• Exit counseling (though this term is more associated with intervention rather than ongoing therapy)

Therapist titles or specialisms to look for:

• Trauma-informed psychotherapist
• Counsellor specialising in spiritual or religious trauma
• Cult recovery therapist
• Licensed psychologist with experience in coercive group dynamics

🔍 Where to find them (UK & internationally)

• The International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA): icsahome.com
• They maintain a list of therapists worldwide with cult recovery experience.
• Faith to Faithless (UK-based, part of Humanists UK): Offers support for people leaving extreme religious groups.
• Counselling Directory UK or Psychology Today: Search by specialism — try keywords like religious trauma, spiritual abuse, cult recovery.
• Reddit forums or survivor communities (e.g. r/exchristian or r/exmormon): Often include therapist recommendations.

OP, just noticed your latest post.

I don't think you sound weak. I think there's a bit of you yelling 'Get out of here now before it's too late!'

You probably need to develop a plan to escape. If your relationship is a violent or abusive one, Women's Aid can help you.

www.womensaid.org.uk

Otherwise, google and research and find a local charity or support network that can help someone in your position. Talk to advisors, build your confidence.

I have known someone in a similar situation who found that joining their local church gave them a support circle that enabled them to make changes in their life. I'm not religious and I was a bit 'Eeek', but it really helped him establish a new, healthier 'normal.' Someone I used to work with started going to meditation classes at a local Buddhist centre and used that as a means to tackle his drinking problem.

Do you know where you want to go and what you want to do? Do you have an image of what your life might look like in a year or in five years? It can help to envisage what a better life might look like. It sounds as if you're ready to make changes. I wish you well.

That’s a shockingly high number.

Two people I knew IRL died by suicide (my childhood friend and husband’s cousin) and last year, a teenager at my son’s school took his own life. My mum had three different friends who knew young people who died by suicide (nephew of Friend 1, friend of son of Friend 2 and girlfriend of son of Friend 3).

No, it's not normal OP. I have had one suicide of someone close to me, who suffered badly from depression, and I know someone else who's had a sucide in their family.

You seem to be involved with a particularly vulnerable group of friends and contacts. It's known that suicide rates among substance abusers are significantly higher than those who are clean. I suspect that if you move within those circles you become desensitised to death and suicide. How sad for you — but it sounds as if you haven't completely lost perspective. I hope you can find your way to a wider group of friends and contacts who can offer you a more positive experience. Good luck.

Edited to reflect OP's most recent posts.

You're the furthest from weak with what you've dealt with and are currently living. I hope you can get away.

Yes I know quite a few. My guess is that it’s generational but also related to class, poverty and other factors. We were the children born to hedonistic parents of the eighties and nineties. I remember seeing so many drunk adults in my childhood, and lots of addiction. Lots of inter generational trauma. Fast forward to now, lots of my friends have struggled with addiction and long term health conditions relating to poverty and trauma. You just won’t get the responses on MN which reflect this. Also if you are ND, you’re more likely to use substances statistically, and I think like attracts like, so more ND friendships mean you’re going to experience more suicide and substance use. It’s all very sad and could be prevented.

I’m in my mid 30s and have only known two people who have died under the age of 65 - a friend in his 30s of an overdose and a child relative with cancer. Even if I include everyone I knew at school (including everyone in my year) that still stands true. I’m from a working class/impoverished place too.

So I’d say no, absolutely not normal.

Horrific. Do you have anyone to talk to?

Ah only read the first page so didnt see your updates. So sorry. Yes get out, it wont get any better. Any family you can go to?

Am assuming drug use/addiction is prevalent in your circles? I dont know anyone who has died from an overdose. I am 40 and one friend commited suicide when we were early 30s.

Sorry for your losses.

I think you must be incredibly strong not to partake in what goes on around you OP.

There are a lot of people of Mumsnet who could really help with getting your ducks in a row to leave.

You deserve a peaceful life and it doesn’t sound possible where you are at the moment.

I’m really sorry you’ve lost so many friends, especially to suicide. I don’t know anyone that has died in that way.

My ds's 21 and 23 have lost several friends to suicide...prob 10 in all.
It isn't imo a coincidence they all attended the same secondary school
..

I’m 40, sadly lost a lot of friends in last few years, mix of suicide, cancer and accidents. Been to way too many funerals.

Yes, OP. If you’re not from a Traveller background my advice is different. Get yourself away.

Do you have kids? If so please get yourself and them out as a matter of urgency this is not a healthy environment.

Try to find yourself a good therapist - one you can really trust but removed from this environment.

There is probably a lot of generational trauma in your “community” which is reflected in your experience. (In fact compared to other traveller groups it could in someways be seen as the central tenet or culture.)
if your job is public sector you could try to reach out to employ assistance or social diversity networks.

so you are absolutely right - you do need to escape. Recognition of that is great - so many women don’t get that escape is sometimes the only and best option

have you any specific concerns about that process? Violence ? Any addictions of your own?

There is the usual of what is the process, how will I support myself… womans aid and advice here will help with that

And the questions of am I strong enough to do this, do I deserve better - yes to both. Your life can and should be so much better

I think it probably does depend a bit on what risk factors your friends have but also to some extent on chance.

I'm 59. One close friend died very unexpectedly of natural causes when we were 18. After that, a few acquaintances have died over the years but it felt like there's been a real cluster of deaths in one loosely connected friendship group - 6 in the last 12 years or so - but that's actually quite spread out when you think about it and they were various different ages (from 20 to over 80) and backgrounds. All died of natural causes except for one who was about 50 and had an accident.

I don't know anyone well who has committed suicide. I know of friends-of-friends who have done but not that many. The last one I heard about was probably in her 70s. That is not to say I criticise anyone who does.

I am so sorry to hear, that is awful for 1 person but to hear of such a large number is truly awful.

As other posters have said this really isn't normal. I am only a few years younger than you and the only time I have heard of someone ending their life was extremely distant, work colleagues parents friend type distant.

I would be very very certain that the prevalent drug use and alcohol use in the community is a huge factor in the high rates.

I think if I was the only person I knew not taking hard drugs to the point of serious health issues I would definitely be looking at making a major life change and trying to move to a friendship group who have similar life values to me!

OP, depending on how this thread goes, you may find it helpful to post a new thread seeking advice on your specific situation (wanting encouragement to find a way out and concerns that your husband is using heroin). As it’s possible your thread will just have repetitive comments about the question posed in your opening post (whether it’s unusual to be surrounded by suicide). Please do keep posting until you get the help you need.