Is this a generational thing or is it just my friendship circle [Content warning: mentions of suicide]

Maybe you need your own place. Make your own home. Access therapy. Stop wasting money supporting your husband. Could he be making you pay for everything to sustain a heroin habit?

Initially, I would suggest accessing some support if you can from your local suicide bereavement service. They will be able to offer specialist support.

Longer term, what support is it you need to get yourself out of your current situation? It sounds like your marriage isn't the best and your social circle isn't one you can depend on. Do you have any other family?

Just sending a big hug, OP. As you can tell from the thread, in no way "normal" and you are dealing with a shitload of trauma. And, as other PPs have said it's not as simple as "well they're all druggies aren't they." It's a complex web of things that all build on each other, and early death (through a number of causes) becomes part of that.

What do you want from here? (Not from mumsnet particularly, but from this time and place in your life -- what do you want to happen next?)

Do you think your husband is keeping you tied to a way of life that actually you've moved on from?

Have you got a stable home life? Hobbies? Any friends who are more stable you can connect with more? You say you’re a traveller - are you literally living in a van/boat/some kind of itinerant home?

If you have the means to do so, I would escape this cycle of doom and move completely away to pastures new, all by myself. You are not stuck.

I think it depends on who your friends are. My condolences obviously but you mention overdose deaths and your recovering addict friend who sadly had the related heart attack. People who live their lives around drugs do seem to have more of a propensity to die young. I did have some experience of this some years ago.

I’m in my fifties and I know 5 people who’ve taken their own life in the last few years, all men between 50-55.

Yes I can relate to this. A wide social circle from my late teen / 20s of misfits/alternatives/punks/partiers has had so many deaths from drug overdoses / alcohol poisoning and suicides. It seems like a total world away from people I’ve met through university and work. Colleagues are shocked to hear someone I know died suddenly from x whereas it’s normal in this ‘scene’.

Some of the analysis on this thread is a bit basic. Ie it’s the druggies. But it’s chicken and egg. Who is choosing to go down this path and why? It usually isn’t people who are neurotypical / have good mental health and a strong/supportive/loving family network.

I only know 1 person (we were vaguely friends but not close) who committed suicide aged 27. It was so awful for his poor family and I often think of him at random moments (this was many years ago).

You need to get out, OP. Formulate a plan - contact Women's Aid or any charity that helps people move on from cults. Maybe join a church group, or even a hobby group to meet new people. Get a new job at some distance from your home? Get your ducks in a row for leaving your husband, who is almost certainly taking heroin. You need to find the inner strength to go. Start another post for support, as too many pps here are just focussing on the suicide question. I wish you fortitude

We had a spate of them as soon as I reached 40, very sad. They were all male. I think this goes with the stats unfortunately as males 45-49 have the highest suicide rate.

No that ratio of deaths is far too high. I'm so sorry that you've had so much tragedy in your life.

I'm in my 50s and I know of 2 people that I was acquaintances of that have sadly died by suicide and a couple of others I'm aware of but didn't actually personally know them.

I lost 1 friend in a car accident many many years ago. (still miss her) but a death of a young person is rare and unexpected. It shouldn't be something that is often happening.

Can you identify why at all? Are they a group that drink and take drugs to excess? Is it a particular job that they have? Something identifiable in their lifestyle?

I'm 40 and I know at least 2 people who have taken their own life.

All my ex boyfriends except 3 have struggled with their mental health. Both suicides were men, too.

I feel a magnet for people with these issues. Everyone says how caring and nice I am though, so maybe that's the connection. I'm tired of dealing with people like this though, it's bloody draining.

This is so true @Andoutcomethewolves

This is similar to my OH. He's worked incredibly hard to break the cycle and move away from support circles that were actually not supportive but had been all he knew, including going no contact with his mother. It has been hard work but he had to leave what he knew so that he could flourish. It was awful and difficult but necessary.

I've lost a couple male friends in their early 30s to suicide. Most of my other friends who passed were thankfully fairly elderly. Except my dad who was only 55.

It's really sad. I'm guessing it might be to do with the area you grew up/live in? Not trying to be mean but if there's a lot of addiction, poverty, not many job prospects it probably increases such things. Though addiction can affect anyone from any social background of course.

I'm so sorry for your losses. X

I don’t personally know of anyone who
has committed suicide, I’ve heard of friends of friends, but very rarely….I don’t know anyone with addictions either, again, friends of friends type thing, but alcohol, not drugs. It does seem very unusual…in my experience anyway.

There is a tonne of generational trauma in our family, like I can’t say how much but it has ‘come out’ in addictions and drugs, alcohol, gambling….. I can’t tell you the damage it’s done. Well I have just below.

@AndoutcomethewolvesI think somehow you need to leave the community