Feeling Down AIBU?

I second investing your inheritance in therapy and also someone to come and help you clean your house and organise your stuff. There are professionals who deal with this type of situation and won’t make you feel bad.

I also join productivity sessions online. It’s basically a zoom call with everyone cleaning/ working/ doing life admin or errands and you motivate each other. It’s via an app called Dubii and it’s about £6 per month which I feel is affordable. Sounds daft but when you see other people cracking on it motivates you!

Personally OP I'd invest some of your inheritance in therapy asap. You have the means to shop around and find someone who will really be able to help you.

You shared too much with him. You've been really honest and revealed stuff that most people would hide until much later in the relationship. You've revealed the sort of things that most people would reveal to a therapist or counsellor whose role is to help and support their clients.

As a potential romantic partner he is probably thinking about how much help and support you would need from him and it might seem a bit too much.

OP, it sounds like you've had a really tough time and you've done incredibly well to start pulling things back.

I think often what we want/need/expect from people depends on our perceived relationship with them. So for example, your OP made me feel empathy and warmth for you. However, I had been dating a guy last year and when we went back to his for the first time, the state of his house and what that said to me about his standards was enough for me to end the budding relationship. Similar scenario, but very different wants and expectations. Does that make sense?

Therapy, if you can stretch to it, or be referred for free, might be a key component of getting your life back together, along with with decluttering and figuring out the boiler. Best wishes, OP. You’ve made a good start. And put this man out of your mind. He’s not able to be the support you need now.

He's backed away. Too much sharing of multiple problems all at once. Maybe he thinks you expect him to come and do a bit of diy on your house. Or bail you out financially.

Write a list of what needs to be done in your house. Then work through it, even if it takes a year. Get in touch with whoever installed your new boiler and ask for help. Or Google it on line for instructions.

Im sorry OP but if a man I'd only just met online came out with that lot I'd be off and never speak to him again. I'm a potential date not a social worker or carer.
Id be careful how much information you share with people to be fair.

Well done on your weight loss. It sounds like you are turning things around for yourself. It’s not unreasonable to fell sad but I really think that once you get everything in order and take care of yourself, you will have more confidence. Good luck

Amazing ♥️ small steps and in a week you’ll be in awe of what you’ve done.

Concentrate on you now OP ..
I know you miss the chats , give it time & maybe send him a message to say hi when you’re feeling better about yourself/ life 🤷🏻‍♀️ …
And maybe ye could go back to being friends again..
OP , would you be interested in picking up some work , part time , you would be getting out of house & meeting people & that’s so good for someone’s mental health alone ….

OP may I ask what you think your main reason is for your house being dirty and disrepaired? Is it a physical or mental illness or something else? If you let us know people may have some relevant suggestions for how to improve your situation. Because it sounds like you’re really struggling.

Hi @MuchTerraine, your post has made me really sad because I see a lot of myself in your predicament. My wife died suddenly five years ago, during covid lockdown but not of covid. It has been very very hard to move forward. And, yes, I also put on a lot of weight in the first couple of years. For example: about a year, maybe less, after her death the cold water tap in my bathroom seized - it took me until Easter this year to ring a plumber and get it fixed. Grief can bring weird lethargy that is hard to break through.

Well done you for starting to sort things out. Losing weight will take time and demand perseverance so good to get that started first.

My advice would be to aim to fix one thing a week. Set your intentions on Monday morning - for me this would be - lose 2lbs, walk 5,000 steps and day, ring the plumber. The following Sunday, I would look at the list and review, but no judgement, if I hadn't rung the plumber I would just wonder why then add it to the list for the next week and try again.

You should start with the thing that's most important to you. It might be sorting the boiler, it might be buying a new set of bedding because that's a bit easier to acheive in the early days of a new diet. Whatever works for you.

For now, forget the guy. But maybe one day, you might want to get back in touch and tell him that talking to him helped because it made you think about all the things in your life that were hard and the ways in which you could start to fix them.

Good luck.

Try not to take him backing off to heart, though easier said than done. It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate.x