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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling Down AIBU?

268 replies

MuchTerraine · 01/07/2025 16:40

I was messaging a guy online - good connection and daily chat but no chance of real life relationship. I’m fine with that and completely understand. We have good chats about our day to day life online and banter. I love it. I’ve never met him in real life.

Anyway, yesterday I think I gave away a bit too much info on my current living standards. I’ve put a lot of weight on but am now on a diet and in last few months and years I’ve let household standard slip - lights in several rooms don’t work and my house is very cluttered. I live alone after my partner died suddenly in 2010. There is currently no hot water or heating as I haven’t worked out how to work my new boiler. My bedding is ancient and needs replacing and my washing machine and car don’t work. I’ve put on loads of weight through overeating but in the past week lost a stone so I’m starting to get a grip on that.

He seemed surprised when I mentioned all this to him and became more business like and cold - but he gave me good advice.

Today’s the first day in ages he hasn’t messaged me. I miss his messages.and feel a sense of shame because I feel he’s likely backed away from me because of what I said about my living conditions.

Just to give context - in the past week I’ve really got a got a grip on both my weight and fitness and taken huge strides to make improvements in my living conditions -cleared loads etc. I’ve lost a stone in the past week and am doing cardio exercises and weights daily.

AIBU to miss his messages and feel sad he’s backed away?

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:10

Lucillebatwings · 02/07/2025 22:08

Hi @MuchTerraine I’m sorry for how things worked out with the guy online.

Sounds like you are doing really well in getting things sorted though.

Why don’t you just order a new washing machine? You can afford to.

A new car too. I’m not saying go wild with the money you have, but there are some essentials that could really improve your quality of life.

The first being getting someone out to get the boiler on.

Yes I’ve got a car it just needs fixing

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:09

BountifulPantry · 02/07/2025 22:07

You’ve done so well! Now the recycling is done what’s next? Maybe taking some clothes to charity or recycling?

Yes!! And magazines !!

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:08

cafenoirbiscuit · 02/07/2025 22:00

Just catching up here and I’m hugely impressed at what you’ve achieved in such a short space of time. You should be called Ms Motivator!
I am thinking I might actually GO and take things to the clothing bank tomorrow rather than look at the and think about it …. Thanks for inspiring me!

ah you’re very welcome I’m glad I inspired someone !

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Lucillebatwings · 02/07/2025 22:08

Hi @MuchTerraine I’m sorry for how things worked out with the guy online.

Sounds like you are doing really well in getting things sorted though.

Why don’t you just order a new washing machine? You can afford to.

A new car too. I’m not saying go wild with the money you have, but there are some essentials that could really improve your quality of life.

The first being getting someone out to get the boiler on.

BountifulPantry · 02/07/2025 22:07

You’ve done so well! Now the recycling is done what’s next? Maybe taking some clothes to charity or recycling?

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:00

2 whole days of no messages from my chap and I’m missing him very much

But on the positive side , I’m still working now at 10pm and done all my recycling

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cafenoirbiscuit · 02/07/2025 22:00

Just catching up here and I’m hugely impressed at what you’ve achieved in such a short space of time. You should be called Ms Motivator!
I am thinking I might actually GO and take things to the clothing bank tomorrow rather than look at the and think about it …. Thanks for inspiring me!

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:54

Well it’s nearly 10pm and still working!! Nearly sorted out all recycling !

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:42

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 21:39

If you have so many clothes you can wear a fresh outfit every day for 6 months, I'm sure they must be taking up far too much room.

Once you've sorted the other stuff, you might want to sort out a lot of stuff for charity and make some space.

Yes true I’ve been thinking about doing exactly that !

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ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 21:39

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:12

Washing myself at local sports centre

i havent washed any clothes this year! But I’ve accumulated so many over the years I’ve got enough clean ones to keep me going iyswim

If you have so many clothes you can wear a fresh outfit every day for 6 months, I'm sure they must be taking up far too much room.

Once you've sorted the other stuff, you might want to sort out a lot of stuff for charity and make some space.

daleylama · 02/07/2025 21:24

Ok ! Sounds promising then. Maybe just chill for a bit as others suggested and return to the chat with a light hearted update on your sorting out

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:20

JumpingDizzy · 02/07/2025 21:18

Is there a laundrette nearby? Some collect.

Yes they’re one nearby

Don’t think it collects but I’ll try it

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JumpingDizzy · 02/07/2025 21:18

Is there a laundrette nearby? Some collect.

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:18

daleylama · 02/07/2025 21:16

I very much doubt it. Better to get your life sorted before inviting anyone into it. Sounds like you might have been a little too keen ?

Just to let you know he was the one instigating ALL the messages

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daleylama · 02/07/2025 21:16

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:07

Thanks everyone again for your great support on my thread.

I worry sometimes that the chap I was friendly with thought I might’ve even been trying to put him off deliberately by saying all this

I very much doubt it. Better to get your life sorted before inviting anyone into it. Sounds like you might have been a little too keen ?

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:15

I’ve just returned from buying necessities at Sainsbury’s with Nectar points and although it’s gone 9pm going to prepare a bit more recycling !

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:12

DogsandDungarees · 02/07/2025 21:10

I think you need mental health help.

how are you keeping clean? Washing yourself or clothes ?

Washing myself at local sports centre

i havent washed any clothes this year! But I’ve accumulated so many over the years I’ve got enough clean ones to keep me going iyswim

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DogsandDungarees · 02/07/2025 21:10

I think you need mental health help.

how are you keeping clean? Washing yourself or clothes ?

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:07

Thanks everyone again for your great support on my thread.

I worry sometimes that the chap I was friendly with thought I might’ve even been trying to put him off deliberately by saying all this

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:06

tryingtobesogood · 02/07/2025 20:54

Please don’t feel ashamed, sometimes life can really get on top of us and things like personal health and the care of our homes can feel like an overwhelming task.

did things begin to get on top of you after your partner died? I wonder whether you have been grieving all this time and perhaps a beginning to come out of that.

well done on your weight loss, and taking back some control of your surroundings. I’m sorry this friend has pulled back on you just when you were beginning to open up about your life. It really is his loss, but perhaps he gets to be your practice person that helps you to see that there is a lot of life to live and many new people to meet and have fun with. Good luck with your weight loss, you are doing amazingly.

Thanks very much for your lovely comments.

I feel in this particular time - I had a problem in work around 2017 and that’s when it all went wrong

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tryingtobesogood · 02/07/2025 20:54

MuchTerraine · 01/07/2025 17:07

@BigFattyBoomBoom

Thank you for your supportive comments about my weight loss. ❤️

Thats the thing - I think he does think differently of me now and I feel ashamed.

Please don’t feel ashamed, sometimes life can really get on top of us and things like personal health and the care of our homes can feel like an overwhelming task.

did things begin to get on top of you after your partner died? I wonder whether you have been grieving all this time and perhaps a beginning to come out of that.

well done on your weight loss, and taking back some control of your surroundings. I’m sorry this friend has pulled back on you just when you were beginning to open up about your life. It really is his loss, but perhaps he gets to be your practice person that helps you to see that there is a lot of life to live and many new people to meet and have fun with. Good luck with your weight loss, you are doing amazingly.

JumpingDizzy · 02/07/2025 20:52

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 19:17

Update: about to walk to Sainsbury’s to use Nectar points on essentials

Are you being careful with money? Do you find it hard to spend?

daleylama · 02/07/2025 20:44

MuchTerraine · 01/07/2025 22:29

OK I have an update for you all …

I’ve spent 2 solid hours getting rid of the recycling from my flat between 7.30 and 10pm tonight
ive worked 2 and a half solid hours without break

I live in a first floor flat and am clinically obese BMI 35 + and have traipsed up and down stairs for 2 solid hours and cleared WELL OVER HALF the recycling 🙌 - my floors are now clear whereas before there was clutter everywhere!

my feet are KILLING me !!

You sound like a lovely person who responds well to a little support and external motivation I agree with those saying you need to concentrate on yourself first. I am concerned that the combination of your vulnerable state and this inheritance could lead to you being exploited though. I hope you have someone trustworthy who is looking out for you, and who you can lean on for support. If not maybe a chat with your GP?

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 19:17

Update: about to walk to Sainsbury’s to use Nectar points on essentials

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MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 19:12

Thanks again to everyone who’s contributed

Let’s face it, as far as that guy was concerned - I was waving more red flags than a Marxist convention!

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