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AIBU?

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Feeling wounded by DP's comment about a fitness video I sent him.

305 replies

ExplosiveDiorEar · 01/07/2025 15:46

Today I achieved a big personal fitness goal I've been working towards for about a year - squatting 1.5x my body weight for five reps.

A woman I train with videoed me doing it. In the video, the gym instructor is stood a step or two behind me, has his hands level with my armpits and is squatting along with me. All very standard practice for spotting someone when they're lifting.

I sent the video to DP.

At the end of the session, the gym instructor gave me a creme egg and was really effusive in his praise. The woman I train with was also full of hearty congratulations. I came away feeling completely pumped and proud.

When I got home, I did a muscle man pose for DP as soon I was through the front door and said "Well, what did you think?" I hoped expected some kind words or congratulations. He knows how hard I've worked for this and has been supportive.

But he just said "Tom's a bit handsy isn't he?"

It completely took the wind out of my sails. I know I'm probably overreacting but I just felt so gutted that's the first thing DP said. No "well done" or "great work", just a comment about the instructor. Even if DP had legitimate concerns about the gym instructor being handsy (which he's not at all), surely he could've saved them until later or tomorrow.

Sorry, I just feel deflated. I'm probably overreacting.

OP posts:
FeistyCat · 02/07/2025 01:07

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

Thankfully no other woman on here can "understand" his or your position, @didntlikeanyofthesuggestions . I wonder what else you have given up to appease a jealous and controlling man. You're in an abusive relationship. No woman should have to give up a hobby because her jealous and controlling man has a problem with it. That's truly pitiful. I feel sorry for you. This is 2025 and women are still so desperate for a man that they give up part of themselves and their interest for it. Please get some self respect.

Petitchat · 01/07/2025 23:55

YABU for eating a creme egg when you've worked so hard to get fit.

Joking 😉 well done OP

BeanQuisine · 01/07/2025 22:05

He was probably just jealous of your creme egg.

Some people can't abide not scoring sweets when others get them.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 01/07/2025 21:03

Ivereallyhadenough · 01/07/2025 15:53

Well I agree it's a big achievement for you but honestly why do people feel the need to video everything they do?

I think people live their lives as though its a tv documentary not real life.

Because she was proud of herself and hoped her husband would be too! Some of you are such arses!

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 01/07/2025 21:01

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

Under His eye 🙄

babyproblems · 01/07/2025 20:32

lazyarse123 · 01/07/2025 15:54

Well done on achieving your goal. Sad that the miserable twat has to spoil it. Maybe tell him not to judge all men by his low standards

This! Well done op.
bloody love crème eggs!!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 01/07/2025 20:29

Bumcake · 01/07/2025 19:10

I’m desperate to know what this hobby was. Unless it was deep-throating I just cannot imagine him having a leg to stand on.

I miss the laughing "react" choice! Bravo for almost making me choke on my ginger ale though!

Lindsay Lohan Lol GIF by MOODMAN
Cherrytree86 · 01/07/2025 20:27

WhereOnEarthIsMyPlanet · 01/07/2025 16:02

He said ‘a bit handsy’, not ‘a bit shady’. But either way, I can’t see what’s side splittingly funny about it?

@ElCorazon

you really wanna get out more hun, if you genuinely find that so amusing.

Cherrytree86 · 01/07/2025 20:23

SaturdayDream · 01/07/2025 15:49

I know it’s an achievement for you but it isn’t interesting to others.

@SaturdayDream

well, lots of us are interested, so clearly you are wrong!

Petitchat · 01/07/2025 20:21

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

Omg! Can't believe you did that!

Rockhopper3 · 01/07/2025 20:20

Well I think that’s a brilliant feat . Congratulations from me ! People often get really jealous & weird when we improve physically or lose weight …

Cherrytree86 · 01/07/2025 20:19

Ohtobemycat · 01/07/2025 20:11

I guess its like when my DH comes home and tells me about something he did at golf. He might as well be telling me he took the bins in 😂
The gym people will be proud of you, you really need people that are into the thing to get any sort of impressed reaction.
Like when people say they ran a marathon, it just means absolutely nothing to me as an acheivement.

@Ohtobemycat

Could YOU run a marathon??

localnotail · 01/07/2025 20:19

OP, this is what abusive people do to bring you down. Sorry, but this is what I see here.

Well done!

Cherrytree86 · 01/07/2025 20:17

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions

more fool you.

MadameTwoSwords · 01/07/2025 20:16

Ohtobemycat · 01/07/2025 20:11

I guess its like when my DH comes home and tells me about something he did at golf. He might as well be telling me he took the bins in 😂
The gym people will be proud of you, you really need people that are into the thing to get any sort of impressed reaction.
Like when people say they ran a marathon, it just means absolutely nothing to me as an acheivement.

I sort of get your point but squatting 1.5x your weight is incredible and all he could do was make a remark that not only took the wind out of her sails but accused her trainer of being inappropriate, I don't think it's the same

CatMum79 · 01/07/2025 20:15

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

Well..I think its sad you gave up a hobby because of your husbands insecurities. I once dated a guy, who had issued with me doing strongman/woman training and wanted me to cover my arms up on hot days to hide the bruises incase someone thought he had inflicted the bruises on me (!?!?) I dumped that guy pretty quickly!

Well done OP, that's a huge win.. you should be proud! Your boyfriend sounds insecure... im guessing he doesn't weight train? So doesn't understand that you need someone to spot you when pushing yourself eith heavy weights!

TheWisePlumDuck · 01/07/2025 20:14

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

As much as I respect my husband and would never purposefully make him uncomfortable... this is batshit crazy. In a good relationship you wouldn't have to give up your hobbies.

Unless your hobby was sex work?

Though there can be instances where a pursuit needs to be scaled back a bit if it is taking too much time or finance away from the family, having to give up completely because of someone's insecurity is a very bad sign.

ChiaraRimini · 01/07/2025 20:13

That’s an amazing achievement OP well done! (As a relative newbie to the gym I am in awe)
sorry your DP was an arse. Maybe he feels a bit inadequate as he couldn’t lift that much?

pinkyredrose · 01/07/2025 20:12

At the same time, I wonder if part of what's hurting here is the contrast between the environment at the gym — where people are literally paid to notice your progress, encourage you, and celebrate every win

I'm guessing you don't go to the gym much. All the personal trainer's I've worked with have been hugely passionate about helping people reach their goals. Yes they get paid but being a personal trainer is less of a 'job' more of a lifestyle, at least with the one's I've worked with.

Ohtobemycat · 01/07/2025 20:11

I guess its like when my DH comes home and tells me about something he did at golf. He might as well be telling me he took the bins in 😂
The gym people will be proud of you, you really need people that are into the thing to get any sort of impressed reaction.
Like when people say they ran a marathon, it just means absolutely nothing to me as an acheivement.

VisitationRights · 01/07/2025 19:47

Massive congratulations! That’s an amazing feat. I am really impressed.

If your DP isn’t normally like this all I can think is that his own insecurities are getting in the way of sharing in your happiness over this accomplishment. Whether his insecurity is jealousy or fear that you’ve grown beyond him. It’s sad that he’s reacted like this but speaks to his character not yours.

ExercicenformedeZ · 01/07/2025 19:46

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 01/07/2025 15:49

YABU for having a creme egg in July when it's so hot.

You can't be serious. This is your takeaway from this post!?

OP, YANBU. I would be very hurt by your partner's dismissive attitude. Does he have form for belittling your acheivments?

iamnotalemon · 01/07/2025 19:39

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 01/07/2025 15:49

YABU for having a creme egg in July when it's so hot.

🤣🤣

MadameTwoSwords · 01/07/2025 19:37

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/07/2025 15:50

I can understand his position. I had a hobby which DH wasn't comfortable with me doing so I gave it up years ago.

Is this sarcasm

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 01/07/2025 19:35

Congratulations op 👏
Cream egg in July, lucky you😂
Must be looking good if dp is jealous, go girl xx

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