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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too long for a 7 year old?

31 replies

SummerHolsNearlyHere · 01/07/2025 12:30

NCed for this, as don't want it linked to other posts. Changed a couple of details, as people I know are on MN.
So, this Summer's plan has been for my DC aged 7 and 8 to spend some time with their father (my ex) in his European country with his side of the family.
Really pleased for my DC to have this opportunity, as they haven't seen their European family for knocking on 3 years.
My parents are dead and I don't see my sibling, so it's great he has such a large, close-knit family.
Originally agreed on 10-12 days. Felt this was long enough, as they see him one weekend a month, when he travels to our area of England to see them.
For context, both have mild to moderate SEN.
He texted me this morning to say he is booking tickets this week and gave me new dates, which mean he 'intends' to take them for 3 weeks.
I haven't replied yet.
I think it's too long.
They've never been with him that long (maximum was 10 days 3 years ago, during which time I had major surgery, so it was a blessing they were away).
On the plus side, I trust his female relatives and know they would love and look after DC (my ex doesn't really parent: he's just fun/permissive/not really the best role model) and I'm sure it will mainly be amazing for DC.
However, with SEN in the mix - and them being around family who really don't know them - AIBU to think 3 weeks is too long.
(And, yes, selfishly, I'll miss them and don't want them away for half the holidays).

AIBU - 3 weeks is fine
AINBU - Stick to around 2 weeks

OP posts:
Notaripoff · 01/07/2025 13:10

BallerinaRadio · 01/07/2025 12:43

Could you not just book the three weeks on the proviso that is things don't go to plan they can come home early?

It would seem a shame to cut it short if they're having a great time and the only reason they're not staying longer is because you put an arbitrary time limit on it. And then if they're not having a great time they come home after two weeks.

This is a good idea. As it's Europe I presume flights are fairly easy to arrange at short notice (although obviously expensive in the summer holidays).

AlleeBee · 01/07/2025 13:07

SummerHolsNearlyHere · 01/07/2025 12:30

NCed for this, as don't want it linked to other posts. Changed a couple of details, as people I know are on MN.
So, this Summer's plan has been for my DC aged 7 and 8 to spend some time with their father (my ex) in his European country with his side of the family.
Really pleased for my DC to have this opportunity, as they haven't seen their European family for knocking on 3 years.
My parents are dead and I don't see my sibling, so it's great he has such a large, close-knit family.
Originally agreed on 10-12 days. Felt this was long enough, as they see him one weekend a month, when he travels to our area of England to see them.
For context, both have mild to moderate SEN.
He texted me this morning to say he is booking tickets this week and gave me new dates, which mean he 'intends' to take them for 3 weeks.
I haven't replied yet.
I think it's too long.
They've never been with him that long (maximum was 10 days 3 years ago, during which time I had major surgery, so it was a blessing they were away).
On the plus side, I trust his female relatives and know they would love and look after DC (my ex doesn't really parent: he's just fun/permissive/not really the best role model) and I'm sure it will mainly be amazing for DC.
However, with SEN in the mix - and them being around family who really don't know them - AIBU to think 3 weeks is too long.
(And, yes, selfishly, I'll miss them and don't want them away for half the holidays).

AIBU - 3 weeks is fine
AINBU - Stick to around 2 weeks

Are you still in contact with the femal relatives you've mentioned?

Are they aware of the children's SEN? I think having a conversation with them about the children's needs and how to deal with any particular struggles you anticipate them having would really help everyone.

The hardest thing with dealing with distant family (as a child) is that you're suddenly surrounded by a lot of people who think they know you, but you don't know them and they don't really know you - that can be very overwhelming.

Would it help if they sent the children some recent photos of themselves and of where they'll be staying? I think that would help them settle and make the trip more successful :)

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/07/2025 13:05

I think it's fine and they will have a blast

BallerinaRadio · 01/07/2025 12:43

Could you not just book the three weeks on the proviso that is things don't go to plan they can come home early?

It would seem a shame to cut it short if they're having a great time and the only reason they're not staying longer is because you put an arbitrary time limit on it. And then if they're not having a great time they come home after two weeks.

RawBloomers · 01/07/2025 12:41

It depends on the SEN and how well they have done with stays longer than a weekend recently.

3 weeks is a long time at that age, and there’s a chance even without the SEN that they’d be homesick. But there’s also a very good chance they’ll have an amazing time and bond well with their family. 3 weeks give much more time for really powerful connections to be made.

But the SEN might make it much less likely to be a success, especially if their DF isn’t good at accommodating it. I get that you will miss them, but you will have them for far more time overall so I think you ought to put that to one side and try and find something to occupy yourself while they’re gone. They will be back with exciting things to tell you about and you can do all the normal things they love with them, all the traditions you have built together, etc.

alexalisten · 01/07/2025 12:41

What about meeting in the middle and do about 17 days