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Original poster

To think that “posh” isn’t a compliment

81 replies

DownsideUpside · 01/07/2025 11:05

I might be alone here but some members of my family have a habit of calling anything nice/new “a bit posh”.
I can’t help but take offence a bit, as it always sounds a bit snide and not a genuine compliment.
Eg. New stair carpet…Could say “oh I like your new stair carpet” but no they say “oh new stair carpet? Very posh.”
eg. Decorated DS bedroom. Could say “your new room looks great!” But no they say “oh your new room is a bit posh isn’t it”

It’s almost like I can hear a little eye-roll with it. Like they are acknowledging that yes it’s a nice new thing but kind of disapproving of it?? Why can’t they just say something is nice.

Without trying to be ageist all the family members who do this are 60+. Is it a generational thing? The way they talk about something being “posh” generally tends to be quite or disapproving.. “did you see Julie down the road in her new car, bit posh isn’t it, tut tut”

It’s also not jealousy, they have plenty of money and could get new stair carpet every week if they wished.

aibu to wish they could just say oh that’s a nice lampshade and not ooooh it’s a bit posh in here now with that lampshade

  • edit to add the lampshade isn’t posh! It’s from Asda!
OP posts:
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PollyBell · 07/03/2026 08:34

But if i like what i am doing i am happy with it so why would it matter what other people think? I dont do it for anyone else

Coffeeishot · 07/03/2026 08:09

HoppityBun · 07/03/2026 07:29

But you don’t mean it as a compliment, do you? If it’s “ribbing” or making some point of it being “fancy”, what actually is going on when you choose to say that?

Show quote history

Well it is ususlly to my family or friends, it isn't that deep why are you offended by my comment ?

HoppityBun · 07/03/2026 07:29

Coffeeishot · 01/07/2025 11:58

I do this occasionally usually ribbing people or just meaning it is nice or looks "fancy" I definitely don't use it as an insult.

But you don’t mean it as a compliment, do you? If it’s “ribbing” or making some point of it being “fancy”, what actually is going on when you choose to say that?

Quine0nline · 07/03/2026 07:13

Context dependant but up here in Scotland it reeks of tall popy syndrome.
"Don't get ideas above your station. Ye grew up in a cooncil hoose and are nothing, and you'll be nothing. Who are you to have airs and graces? "

EvieBB · 07/03/2026 04:01

DownsideUpside · 01/07/2025 11:52

Yes and then I think why can’t you just seem happy that I’m “doing ok for myself” enough to have some nice bloody flowers?!
These family members are sitting on pots of money but seem to be resentful anytime I make a nice addition to my house!
I do get it with flowers too. Ooh they’re posh flowers aren’t they. 🙄

Show quote history

Maybe it makes them feel inferior...so that's why they feel they have to put you down?? 🤔

EvieBB · 07/03/2026 03:59

DownsideUpside · 01/07/2025 11:30

Oh and they never say it to my husband. His new watch is lovely. His shirt is very smart.
My stuff, or what feel like female things in their eyes, like a carpet or a lampshade, that I’ve obviously chosen, well they’re “a bit posh”

It sounds like jealousy on their part, op. My sister makes me feel like this sometimes.....she is way wealthier than me but has a problem spending on herself (not worthy enough??) so makes me feel guilty if I buy something new. Crazy eh?

TheeNotoriousPIG · 31/08/2025 14:58

Personally, I would take 'posh' as a compliment, because it means that you're not being considered as 'scum'!

It sounds very annoying in context, though, but is it a normal turn of phrase wherever your family comes from?

Hallywally · 31/08/2025 14:30

I told someone they were posh because they had a downstairs toilet and they took offence! 😬 I only meant it in a jokey way & it was a bit of a personal put down because their house was much nicer than mine! 😂

Giggorata · 31/08/2025 14:05

“If you think I’m posh you need to get out more!”
I think this is the perfect answer.

It is a bit strange for me to see how the use of the word “posh” is changing and becoming something with more negative connotations. It seems to go hand in hand with a certain creeping dislike of perceived posh/upper middle class/well off people that seems to be a thing.

The “frequent and targeted” point is well made, but then I suppose any word could theoretically become weaponised and sneery.

I still use phrases like “wearing my posh frock”.

FuckOffWithYourEllipses · 31/08/2025 11:18

It is definitely not a compliment.

Katemax82 · 31/08/2025 11:13

My mil bless her annoyed me when she went on holiday with bills family, we received a video tour of the lodge they stayed in, I could hear mil repeatedly claiming "oh very posh!"
At my wedding reception husbands aunt on his mum's side was saying to mil "ooh ain't it posh!!!"
When offering husbands family home made cappuccino in our early days (y2000) sil would exclaim "ooh very posh"
As you can probably tell it grates me horribly

Katemax82 · 31/08/2025 11:08

People who call other people posh are often a million miles from being "posh"

Daygloboo · 31/08/2025 11:04

DownsideUpside · 01/07/2025 11:05

I might be alone here but some members of my family have a habit of calling anything nice/new “a bit posh”.
I can’t help but take offence a bit, as it always sounds a bit snide and not a genuine compliment.
Eg. New stair carpet…Could say “oh I like your new stair carpet” but no they say “oh new stair carpet? Very posh.”
eg. Decorated DS bedroom. Could say “your new room looks great!” But no they say “oh your new room is a bit posh isn’t it”

It’s almost like I can hear a little eye-roll with it. Like they are acknowledging that yes it’s a nice new thing but kind of disapproving of it?? Why can’t they just say something is nice.

Without trying to be ageist all the family members who do this are 60+. Is it a generational thing? The way they talk about something being “posh” generally tends to be quite or disapproving.. “did you see Julie down the road in her new car, bit posh isn’t it, tut tut”

It’s also not jealousy, they have plenty of money and could get new stair carpet every week if they wished.

aibu to wish they could just say oh that’s a nice lampshade and not ooooh it’s a bit posh in here now with that lampshade

  • edit to add the lampshade isn’t posh! It’s from Asda!

Why dont you just tell them its annoying and you are bored with it and to change the bloody record.

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 02/07/2025 19:04

DiscoPig · 02/07/2025 10:39

No, this is a myth. There's no evidence whatsoever for it.

Show quote history

Oh ok. I don’t know what it originally meant then. I think in all likelihood in this context it’s meant ironically as a put down. Calling something posh is condescending and likely means they think it’s shit but they recognise you think it’s good.

DiscoPig · 02/07/2025 10:41

Persephoknee · 01/07/2025 13:48

It’s very dated, isn’t it, to call things posh. It sounds chippy , as if nice things aren’t available to working class people.

I'm not sure I'd consider it dated, exactly (I wish it were), but it's definitely 'stay in your lane'/ 'not for the likes of us'/'It's far from kitchen islands you were reared' territory, as used by some people. Which can be intended comically or as a put down.

DiscoPig · 02/07/2025 10:39

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 01/07/2025 11:41

Does it just mean port out starboard home

No, this is a myth. There's no evidence whatsoever for it.

cakeisallyouneed · 02/07/2025 10:30

Try saying it back to her. ‘I’ve never noticed before how posh your plates / towels / glasses are’. See what her reaction is, may help to work out if it’s meant as a complement or a subtle dig.

Waitingfordoggo · 01/07/2025 20:05

BeardieWeirdie · 01/07/2025 14:35

Bugger, I say this and mean it in an awed, admiring way - clearly I’ve been pissing everyone I know off!

Exactly this- me too!

YellowCamperVan · 01/07/2025 14:50

I get it, calling something like a newly decorated bedroom posh feels a bit snide. Like almost looking down on you for being able to do or have something so nice. Feels a bit bitter/resentful.

It's fair enough to call the odd item posh like idk, posh cheese, or a posh dinner party, whatever. But it being frequent and targeted does come across not well.

BeardieWeirdie · 01/07/2025 14:35

Bugger, I say this and mean it in an awed, admiring way - clearly I’ve been pissing everyone I know off!

Didimum · 01/07/2025 14:29

My MIL describes this way (late 60s) – it's definitely a compliment from her: means nice and looks high quality and done well. Do you like them?? I find it odd that any one would read into this if you generally all get along well.

Persephoknee · 01/07/2025 13:48

It’s very dated, isn’t it, to call things posh. It sounds chippy , as if nice things aren’t available to working class people.

Haveanaiceday · 01/07/2025 13:44

I think it is very much in the tone, it can just be a jokey way of saying top quality but you approve of it. Like we say posh frock for party dress. Or it could be a bit disapproving, like my mum when a restaurant calls gravy "jus".

TempestTost · 01/07/2025 13:37

I don't think it's necessarily a dig. It depends.

To me it sounds like they use it as a sort of standard phrase, maybe slightly an in-joke. Not a dig as such.

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 13:32

Daisydoesnt · 01/07/2025 11:45

“My MIL does this . It is rude , even DH gets fed up with it . Its a form of inverse snobbery and a bit of martyrdom thrown in”

(sorry have never quite worked out how to quote properly)

We all have very different feelings around and attitudes to money. Some people - often older generations, brought up after the war- have feelings of guilt around spending money. So something that we might view as nice but not out of the ordinary (such as a new stair carpet) is seen as an extravagance,or somehow morally dubious (“fancy” “posh”). They most likely don’t even know they are doing it. There’s often a gender dynamic too, with it being worse if the so-thought extravagant spending is by a woman rather than a man. Try not to mind too much OP ♥️

I don't agree with this. Mother and MIL are both 89. Only MIL does it. Nothing to do with the war.

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